I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself again. My life seems stalled and I feel something missing in my heart.<P>My x's life seems to be moving right along. My problems started when my relationship ended a couple weeks ago. Now everything that happens just add up and irrates me to no end.<P>To top off what happened over the weekend, my d called and wanted to come from x's last night because she had nothing to do. So I went to pick her up and x wasn't there. D said she(x) went to church. I guess that is a positive. While picking up d, a friend of mine who lives next door to x came over and we were talking and lets it drop that he borrows om's lawn tractor to pick up his leaves. Gee, I don't need to know that. I guess I still want everyone to "stone" her.<P>S tells me this morning that x and om took him to dinner at my favorite local watering hole. Geesh, I suppose I'll run into them there.<P>My intial thought is to find another woman. But that doesn't seem right either. Does that mean I need to have a relationship to be happy? I thought I was past this. I guess I am slipping back down again. The anger and loneliness have returned!

Contrary to what you now believe, you will survive. I've been where it absolutely annoyed me that anyone would speak to x. I still think he's a sick man but if some people want to talk to him, that's their problem. Really, it was hard to accept the fact that he could go on and live. <P>Was your d at home alone? If so, how old is she. Was this appropriate. And if x and om took son to your favorite watering hole, was this an appropriate choice? Just asking. Those could be real issues if you wanted to bring added contention to the situation or if you thought neglect could be happening.<P>As for the neighbor, don't worry too much. Just don't give him any reason to respect you less. <P>You don't need another relationship to make you feel whole again although they are wonderful bandaids. They hide the pain. That's part of why I waited so long after my divorce to start dating. I needed to heal.<P>You'll be ok. And, by the way, you can expect this holiday season to be rough, but it will be survivable. You have a bunch of friends here. And, you can always plan on that hottub party in January.

Cinderella,<BR>My d is 13 and my s will be 10 next month. I don't have a problem with them being alone as I have to do that sometimes. Plus her neighbor, my friend(?) is there and my s and his son just run back and forth between the houses. <P>It just seems weird that someone would go to church and not take their kids. <P>As for the watering hole, I only go to "upscale, proper" establishments ! It is a very nice sports bar that turns more "bar-ry" at night. I'm not telling when I go there !<P>Bob

What hot tub party?, I am there.......if I am invited

Hey Bob,<P>Sorry to hear that you are down. The circumstances you describe have already happened. Knowing of them only changes them in your mind. What if you didn't hear of them? They still happened.<P>Happiness comes from within. Think about that for a minute or maybe longer.<P>Things occur to all of us, depends on how we interprete them. You can pull yourself out the muck and mire, I did.<P>wishing you the Best, Buddy!!!<P><BR>Zippy

I have been were you are and still go there occasionally. My ex is having OW number 2 live with him. She is nice to the kids, though my oldest (18) will not go over. I want everyone to be mean to him and support me....BUT then I have to stop and think. If my ex takes our son to scouts do I want my son treated bad too...I do not want my kids to be embarassed, they did not do anything wrong here. They need to believe that their dad is a good person and loves them.<P>My ex shops at the same super walmart I go too. I ran into him and the cow (OW) there once. So I started driving clear across town to Kmart. Then I decided he was controlling me even where I shop, so I stopped. I was afraid to go out to eat because he eats at the same places we went together as a family. But that is still controll...let him worry about seeing me out for a change...not the other way around. <P>I have not dated yet. IMHO I am afraid it would just keep me postponing the healing I need to do. I could hide behind a new relationship and not deal with just being me and being single again after almost 20 years.<P>Hang in there...you are a GREAT dad. You have honor, respect and love from your children.<P>I was thinking the other day that I miss being loved...then I thought...stupid....your kids love you...your family loves you...I have lots and lots of love in my life...it was a nice feeling thinking I will never go without love. <P>You will never go without love either!<P>It is ok to feel fustrated....it is part of healing...but I do believe that what comes around goes around...and YOU will be the happier one...it will just take time.<P>Hope this helps.

Hey Bob,<P>I can totally relate to how it seems the ex's life just moves right along and mine has been put on hold. It almost seems not fair and on those days when I, or any of us, have those feeling down, feel sorry for ourselves days its even worse.<P>Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't that lady you were seeing the first lady since break up of marriage??<P>It is common for that first relationship, or first few even to cause you to feel the way you are feeling now.<P>You almost start to re-examine why your marriage did end, and feel different about it after a failed relationship.<P>The good news is, this is all normal (so my counselor says), I've been thru it too. I don't honestly think any of us "regulars" here on the board, need someone to be happy in life but lets face it, it sure makes things a little easier. It certainly is better around the holiday's too.<P>It will get better and when you find someone really special, your going to know it with no hesitation, and it will not only feel right, it will work much better than the failed relationships. You will meet someone that's meant for you, just like we all will.<P>I am hoping I found my special someone. It seems to be perfect so far, although that sometimes frightens me more than being single!!!<P>You might be at a downpoint, but you'll come back up soon. SOrry if I replied late to this, I can't get on the MB board as much as I used to. My daycare business is taking off again and I actually am working more!!<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Hey Dana,<BR>Glad to hear things are looking up for you!<P>You are semi right. I did date a woman for about a month when she broke it off because she didn't fell that it would be anything more than friendship.<P>This relationship was a lot more intense and we were spending a lot of time together. I think you are entirely correct when you said I may be re-evaluating why my marriage failed when this relationship failed.<P>I have to admit, alot of the old fears came rushing back, like being alone and no one wanting me. Then add those stupid little things that by themselves don't mean much anymore and being in my state if mind that I am/was in, and I think I threw myself back into depression. <P>SO after talking the ears off a bunch of people the last couple days, I am feeling better today. I also started taking St. John's Wort again. <P>I have really got myself in a hole a work so that doesn't help matters much so maybe the Wort will help my spirits.<P>Thanks for the reply!!<P>Bob