Hey All,<P>Well today has been interesting. My STBX called and said he had some mail at his house for me and asked me if I wanted to come and get it. When I got there I was pretty good. It felt so strange knocking on my own door. When I walked in it took my breath away. Here I was in my own house put I didn't know it anymore. OW had painted and wallpapered ect. It was such a shock but I held up pretty well. Anyway H and I started to talk. The connection is still there. I mean it just felt so right for us to be talking together. He told me is is unhappy and sorry for everything he has done. I'm sitting here crying like I haven't cried for along time. I need to get strong again or I'll cave in again. I wanted so much to touch him. I wanted to tell him I still loved him and wanted him so much. I know though that if I do I will be making a big mistake. I can tell he is still very confused as to what he wants and I can't go through that again. So I need some help here. It would be so easy for me to call him right now. <BR>I have been doing so well until now. I should have never went over there!<P>Will I ever be able to move forward?<P>Jill

I'm no help - I would give my right arm for my H to show any sign at all that he is sorry. If my H wanted to come home, I would welcome him. <P>Maybe you'll think I'm an idiot, but I'm still rooting for your H to come out of his MLC/depression and for your marriage to be restored.

Nellie,<P>Just you reading my post is help. I know how much you love your H and I just wish he would wake up and see the light. As far as me I just don't know how I feel anymore. Now that it's been a few hours I feel like I'm doing ok. I think its just those old feelings that just won't die. As much as I would love to be a family again I just don't see it happening.<P>Jill

Jill, <P>You need to really sit down and decide if you truly want your marriage. If you do, then I would meet alone with your husband, and tell him that you still love him, want your marriage restored, but that until the affair is over there can be no chance. Do this with no LB, be direct, honest and sincere. <BR>Even though you may be setting yourself up for more heartache, you already know the heartache of sep and divorce. If he is unhappy, and you show him that he can have thr relationship he needs with you, then he may try again. <BR>Then, get counseling for the both of you, preferably with someone who believes Dr.<BR> Harleys' principles. It can happen!!!! <P>Open the door for your husband..he may step in!!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

crazy or what?,<P>While I agree with Sue, you may be thinking it is too early for that. But there is nothing against you putting signals out there that you would be open to trying again. Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying to start playing games - rather just keep the lines of communication "open" between you two and let him know in a casual but clear way that in the "right" circumstances you would be willing to try again (if this is how you feel).<P>If there are feelings still there for him, then you still love him. If he is willing to change/make ammends/apologize, etc... Then what is wrong with trying again? True it is a risk putting yourself "out there" again, but isn't love always a risk - whether it is with someone new or with someone you know?<P>Me, I am a romantic at heart. When it comes down between "playing it safe" or taking a chance with love, I am always for "taking a chance". True I get "hurt" more often than other guys I know, but I think the love that I experience is well worth the risk of the pain.<P>God bless.<BR>Mike

I know exactly how you feel. My husband did not have a affair. He just claims I have changed too much and that he no longer loves me. I also pick up the phone to call, or constantly check the phone to see if he has called, but of course he never has. I don't know what to do with my self. He has left and has moved on with his life without even looking back once. And I cry and wonder why or how i could have let this happen to our marriage. Constantly wondering what I did wrong. I am sorry to say this, but I am so glad to hear I am not the only one that feels the same way you do. When I see him I also want to hold him and have him tell me he was wrong and wants to come back. But I know this is not what he wants because he has told me so. I want you to know you are not the only one going through this.

Bearing in mind that you could get your heart bruised up a little more, I think you should try. It sounds like the door could be open - even if it is only a little bit ajar.