I went to the Emotional needs topics today , just to keep thinking about how it got so bad. I noticed a woman had been posting completely inaccurate postings about her husband.....and he read each and every one of them. I was shocked at first, but realized sometimes one persons recount of what happened, can be very different. I showed my husband this site in the spring, when I discovered it, and asked him to listen to some of the audio that Dr. Harley put out there. He never did, I wish he had, but I dont know if at that point I would have been receptive to some of it. I wish he would come on this site and try to defend himself, but I dont know about all your other spouses , he never really thought all that much about advice. I would try to engage him in a discussion after his counseling sessions, but they were off limits, as every subject in our marriage was. <BR>I guess I am upset that there were alot of inaccuracies in the womans story.I assumed that all of us here are giving at least a close version to what happened in the marriage. So I will put this question out there......... What do you think your spouse would say if they read your posts?<P>I know my stbx would be shocked at how open I have been with "Strangers" He probably would dispute a few points with me, but for the most part, he would discount the feelings I was having anyway, which is what broke up our marriage. I think the most frequently used phrase I used in our marriage was "If it isnt important to him, it isnt important"<P>So , I hope this question is at least thought provoking for the day.<BR>

I think mine would say that I've been pretty accurate. The whole time I've been on here, I've tried to be brutally honest. I know what my love Busters were and I know how I failed to meet her emotional needs. <P>My complaint to her would be that I got 67 days to try & show her the "new" me, and that her mind had been made up long before she told me that there was a problem and that her feelings for me had died.<P>I wish she would have been more direct with me when her feelings started to change, but instead she developed new friends to make her feel better. <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

My wife? hmmmmm.... Good question. I actually thought about sending her the address to this site awhile back, but then decided not to. As far as accuracy goes, I don't think she could contest with much that I have written. She could add in how "she felt" about situations, but that is about it.<P>Whenever we talked about "us", her last line of defense (actually her only line of defense) was that she was not "in love" with me anymore. When I asked why she thought that feeling could come back, she would not even reply.<P>One thing I know she would hate, even though the site is anonymous, is how open I have been. She would not think that I myself have been extremely open about my feelings and my past as well. She would only be upset that I shared with you all her "family secrets" for lack of a better word. She was raised in a family that believes in "putting on a front". The best description has come from a few friends both of my wife and of me - they said that her family is like the "Beaver Cleaver" Family. And it actually does feel sometimes like you are stepping back in time to the 1950's. But so many problems exist right behind their front door. So many problems. How do they say it..."every family is dysfunctional to a point and if you think your family isn't, it probably is more than you know". That was always my point to her - I would say "my family has problems and so does yours, but they also have a lot of good things about them. Why don't we take the best from each and apply it to our new family?" She would never agree.<P>So my point is that noone is supposed to know any of our problems - or more specifically "her problems". So the main result is that she would be mad at my openess.<P>Although I think once this is all over, I will email her and ask her to search the site for my login name so she can really see how I felt.<P>Mike

WOW...ok now...........she must be related to my husband, because for all the self rightousness he has in regards to his family, they are also dysfunctional, but he will never admit it. I admit they do a much better job of hiding it than my family does, but at least in my family, we all KNOW we are dysfunctional. Oh well, probably the main reason I am here, I want to deal with problems, he wants to hide them. He would be furious if he knew I was sharing this information.

And BOY DOES MY FAMILY KNOW WE ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL!! <P>Seriously though, I was always brought up that no family is perfect...."black sheep" are usually in every family and every family has different beliefs, values and morals that affect the way they handle different situations.<P>One quick example: Xmas at my house can only be described in two words "mass confusion". There are kids running everywhere, aunts, uncles and cousins here and there, usually two to three dogs who actually will open their own presents right along with the family! Laughter, fun and never a dull moment at my house.<P>Xmas at my wife's house. Both her parents, me, her and her brother. Everyone takes turns opening one gift at a time, then passing it around to everyone. Then you say thank you and sip your coffee/tea/cocoa. Next is a sit down breakfast with the annual menu of foods. After the main gifts are open and breakfast over, we then adjorn to the other room to open stockings (again following the same routine).<P>At my house the gifts are opened and over with in a period of about 15 minutes. Who's family is right? Neither really - each just does things a little different. AND I really enjoyed the differences. I liked how her family handled things - it was relaxing - different (as I am sure I will miss it a lot this year). And I know she liked how mine handled their's (well at least she 'used' to like it)......