This Plan A stuff is really hard work. I replied to my earlier post about not calling him. Why then have I dialed his number about 15 times tonight??? I know that I shouldn't but it seems like my fingers have a mind of their own. Figured I am safer typing than dialing. (Never did reach him. Still don't know if he is officially moved out of my house yet- And going crazy not knowing). I am on a business trip, so going out with friends or really anywhere else isn't an option. <BR>SOOOOOOOOOOOOO Guys, any suggestions on how to keep busy???? Been reading, trying to watch tv, working, etc... but nothing keeping my mind off calling him..... ???? <BR>

Blindsided,<P>In Plan A you can communicate with your H as much as you want. It is Plan B that you are not supposed to contact them. In Plan A you should talk with H, but just don't use any love busters, LBs.<P>So give him a call, talk with him, see how he is doing. Tell him you love him. It is OK!<P>Go for it Girl.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Hard? It was the toughest thing I've ever done. I concentrated on meeting her emotional needs exclusively, while she met none of mine. I committed no LBs, while she tested me at every possible turn. It was the most emotionally draining thing I've ever done & I'm still not over it yet. <P>It can work, however. The principles are very good, and if both of you apply them, I believe there is little chance of failure. If however only one is trying (as in my case) I feel like there is little chance of success. What plan A WILL do regardless of the outcome of your relationship is, make YOU a better person. That's the whole idea.<P>It's very, VERY difficult.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Pray for strength and courage....<P>There is no better way!<P>Mike

As usual... Thanks guys!! <BR>Today has been a little rough... I tried to call him last night until about 2am. He never answered. Another sleepless night. I went through about every emotion possible.. Fear, Anger, Hurt, etc.. Finally got ahold of him today. Said he fell asleep. He sounded bad. Said he was a little depressed. I'm not sure how to take that, but anyway, it was his first night out of the house.<BR>So, I guess he is on his way to starting his new life. Why is it so unfair? I feel like mine is over while his is just beginning anew. Ok, so that is a little melodramatic, but that's how I am feeling today. He also went and spoke with my parents. I dont have a clue as to how that went... Another waiting game until I get home. <BR>Anyway, throwing myself a nice little pity party this afternoon. I feel like all my hopes and dreams are trashed right now. I look around and "know" how lucky I am with friends and family, but all I want to do right now is run away and start over. Pretend that none of this ever happened. I know it isn't possible with all of my responsibilities, but wow, what a wish!! I hate the idea of going home Friday, but then again, there is no where else I want to be. I know that I sound like I am completely nuts right now, but this is the way that I feel. I am so tired of this roller coaster. <BR>I am trying my best with Plan A, but it almost feels like a game, with only one player. I keep getting my feelings hurt and rejected. It's almost like it makes it more painful to try. I do know that it is worth the effort in the long run, but I just can't seem to really plan for a future anymore. I was always so sure about what I wanted, now everything seems to be so crazy I can't focus on anything still.<P>

{{{{{{{{{{blindsided123}}}}}}}}}}<P>Yes, plan A hurts. I understand completely the pain. The not being able to plan for the future was a big problem for me. It's real easy for me to tell you to take it one day at a time, but beleive me, I know how hard it is. I know that feeling in the pit of your stomach, not being able to eat, sleep, or concentrate. The feelings of utter hopelessness and despair.<P>I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but for me it didn't. Keep coming in here to vent and to rage and to show all your emotions so you can show him the brave, determined and self sufficient you. A lot of people in here have been through it, but since we're all on the wrong end of this ride, you might want to check in on ENs from time to time<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

pls mail me. I am with you in all that hurt as are all the other guys.<P>Hang in there, as the song goes 'things can only get better'<P><P>------------------<BR>karen

Blindsighted,<P>I was on Plan A and I agree with Nick, it was one of the hardest things I ever did. I was drained for months from it. <P>The positive side is that it can work, it takes a lot of work, but I also believe certain factors on the WS side has to be just right too. <P>Be sure to take extra good care of yourself because you need all the strength and energy you can get.<P>When you need a distraction, come here! There were times I would sit here for hours and type. But it saved me from calling ex.<P>You can call your ex on Plan A. But you dont' want to LB and if it is too many times, you might upset him, so determine, once you talk to him, what you can feel is acceptable without upsetting him at the same time.<P>Also, you might try the other boards for advice. I strictly stay here at the divorced site now, but I got a lot of help on Plan A when I was on GQ or PlanA/PlanB. <P>Good luck, and be strong,<BR>Dana<BR>

Thanks DanaB- <BR> For the moment (note I said moment) I have come to a sort of resolve. He has been calling me daily (I'm not sure what for), and I am going to let him do all of the contacting. I am tired of playing some waiting and guessing game. He knows how I feel and I will tell him I love him every time I see him or he calls, but I will no longer "chase" him. I am doing better every day being by myself. It is hard, but I cry a lot less, and I am keeping myself as busy as possible. <BR>I went over to some friends last night (mainly his friends, but they needed some computer work done-my area) and told them what was going on. They were very shocked to say the least. I was also proud of myself. I handled it well I think. Told them and then said that he probably needed some friends right now so please call. Said nothing negative about him (I haven't really to anyone). <BR>I guess now I am the one on the fog. Patience is not my finer point and I HATE being put off/lied to. I figure if plans are made then you keep them. He has not owned up to his part. Making plans with me and then not even bothering to cancel. I will start living my life for me and do my best to accomodate him in the process. I can't continue to sit here by a phone all day and worry half of the night. If he wants to do something then he will have to plan it ahead of time with me. I have not given up, I am just tired of the "games". I still hope that there is a chance, but I figure I really dont want to be around someone who doesn't want to be around me. Go figure. <BR>I'm not sure if I am phasing out Plan A and moving towards Plan B, but maybe I am.