Spent yesterday in the court room and this morning got the word from my attorney everything is final. I know most posters here look at their "D" as a saddening event, but to be honest, I'm glad it's over.<P>It was a marriage that held sadness, arguments, and constant rejection everyday. Yes I tried everything I could think of, or read about, nothing helped. I truely believe it was a marriage that had little or no chance of success for a very long time.<P>My biggest regret was that I stayed in it for far to long because of my beliefs about marriage and the vows I took. I still have trouble dealing with the vows thing but I'm dealing with those issues.<P>What's in store for the future? Well, I guess I'm a bit different than most posters in that I don't want to be friends or be friendly with the X. The truth is I don't care if I ever see or hear from her again. I asked the Judge to extend the T.R.O. for a year and he did so. She isn't allowed any contact with me in any manner.<P>At least for me, the healthy thing is to go on with life and not worry about "water under the dam."<P>If I have any hopes for the X it is that she finds whatever it is in life that makes her happy and that she goes on with life without bothering me.<P>As the saying goes, "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya."<P>Dating and stuff? No, not in my plans for the moment. I don't need someone else in my life to feel like a complete person or that my happiness is based upon having a relationship.<P>Besides, I kind of like being able to make decisions without being second guessed or getting "permission" to do whatever it is I want to do.

Well, Country Guy, I don't know the proper response here, but I would say, "Congratulations". I'm proud of you for the strength you have shown throughout all this, and I think you are doing the right thing extending the T.R.O.<P>So, good job! <P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Country Guy,<P>"As the saying goes, "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya."<P>I'm probably in the minority here too but my sentiments exactly! I stayed too long also and it was my second marriage. At least your divorce didn't take 2-1/2 years of legal b.s. like mine did. The x had more money than I to be able to drag it out trying to make me succum to walking away with nothing after 16 years.<P>A bottle of cyber champagne to you!<P>Ragamuffin

I also stayed too long in a marriage, trying to make it work. Since we have separated, I realize I have opinions,can make decisions and I can implement them! Love not being second guessed, and also I love seeing the consequences of my actions......Good or Bad.<BR>My husband was so worried about the image of staying married, but not about the actual marriage. I am having trouble with direction right now, even though having 3 kids keeps me busy. I am sure the lack of direction is a result of 15 years spent trying to further my husbands carreer. I have to find out what it is I want, and go for it. <P>I also regret not doing this a long time ago, but when I look at my kids I realize it was a good thing for them. I would love to have a crystal ball and see how my life could have been different , I see so many years of unhappiness and it makes me sad. You have a great attitude, and need to remember it is time for you now..go out and find out what it is that makes you happy. Have a great day

CG, <P>Yes, it is over in the respect of the legal entanglements. But you will still go through some rough times, believe me, many of us here have. Just know we are all here for you....Post often whenever you need to vent, or share. <BR>Maybe you won't, but I had a sense of relief it was over, too. But I still had days where I struggled, would feel down and alone. I just had to work through all of that, and it is a gradual thing. <BR>The site here really helped me. I hope we can help you, too. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Sue and everyone,<P>You are of course right when you said it was good to have the legal stuff out of the way.<P>I've been spending a lot of restless nights afraid to go to sleep because I had no idea what tommorow would bring.<P>Without going into details, my X changed her mind on a daily basis about what she wanted financially from the diviorce. I'll just say that her view of what was "owed" her went beyond anything any reasoning person would believe.<P>In the end, I was willing to give quite a bit but refused to any form of maintenance payments. In other words she got a few bucks at the time of the divorce but that will be the last penny she will ever see from me.<P>While it may sound funny, I know deep down that I still have a great deal of love for her and if I were in constant contact with her I believe my resolve would fall apart. And that is the last thing I want at this point. Again, if she were willing to seek help for her (our) problems I would look at it differently.<P>However, the chances of that are slim and none and slim left awhile ago. Knowing this, I truely believe walking away as cleanly as possible is the only thing that will work for me.