X called and asked if she could have a few Christmas decorations. I told her to ask me later as that was too far away. I also really didn't remember what she was looking for.<P>She also asked for a table if I wasn't using it and she could use it at her place. I told her no, I was using it.<P>I then told her I was planning our son's birthday party for Dec 3(his 10th is on the 4th.) and she said she will be out of town(that when she is getting married at om's mothers in Fl.) She said she would do something with him later. She did offer to help pay for the party.<P>She said she can't afford to buy him a Sony Play Station, my son suggested the whole family chip in, but also said "they are buying a computer" for "their" house.<P>She also said she is working Christmas day and asked if I would bring the kids over Christmas Eve after church services so they could celebrate Christmas then. I said yes except my kids will probably want to go to the midnight service. So maybe they will go to her place first.<P>She seems to be placing a big emphasis on Christmas and forgetting everything in bewteen like Thanksgiving and son's birthday. I figure that is because that will be "their" first holiday together as a married couple.

I think you are probably right, she may be getting presured by new man and his family to take part in their celebrations. I am not making excuses for her just trying to understand. I am sure your son will appreciate his party and what ever present he gets, funny when they don't get what they want, the present they do get is 'I have always wanted one of these!'<P>take care and keep your chin up, remebember you have the children, what a gift.<P>------------------<BR>karen

Hey RWD,<P>I have no words of wisdom for you, I wish I did.<P>At least you have the children, that is a blessing in itself.<P>These spouses will one day wake up and realise what they have thrown away. And what they have thrown away can NEVER be recovered, or regained at a later date. I'm sure that is what some of them think - that they can make up for all this 'later'....<P>Plan your son's birthday party, let him have a wonderful time, and know that you'll be the one that is there for him.<P>I shouldn't say this, but I can't believe she would choose that weekend to get re-married. How selfish, and unfair to your son. But then again, why am I not surprised. Everything they do is centered around them, and them only.<P>You take care of you and your son, and know that you'll be the one that he remembers his childhood with. You were there for him.<P>That gives me a lot of consolation when I'm dealing with stbx and his new girlfriend. Yes, my children spend time with her, but it's me they look for when they're tired, or unwell, or excited..........<BR>That makes me so happy.<P>take care of you<P>Jo

I have no words of wisdom either. But if it counts my son will turn 8 on December 4 as well.<P>I wanted to throw him a party with both of our families. My ex to say the least was not enthuised by the idea. He matter of fact reminded me of how badly things I plan always go. (I for one think that the last party was not that bad. Especially since it was in the middle of the divorce.)<P>Just have fun with your kids. They'll remember it and hopefully be grateful for it. <P>Wishing you the best<BR>terentia<P>

The party is all planned. S is excited. X called today and said she would probably give s money as she can't find the coat he wants.<P>I can't understand either why she would pick that weekend to get married. Especially with our s since he is very loving and accepting and x hasn't had any trouble with him like she has had with our d.<P><BR>As for the stuff, I tempeted to write her a letter and tell her, I don't want to fight about stuff, but she and om have their own life and support so she should just turn to him and purchase want they want and leave me/us out of the picture.<P>My minister friend says I should juts give her the things and let it go. He says do it for the kids. BUt what gets me it really isn't for the kids. It isn't like she doesn't have anything at all and is scrounging for something to decorate her little apartment. <P>She just boought a van with vcr/tv, all new clothes, a fence for her dog, What can't she buy her own Xmas decorations and table? Maybe I should sell them to her.<P>Opinions?<P>

Hi RWD,<P>I think a conversation round what the kids needs are, e.g. a table to eat off would be a good place to start, I also think a couple of decorations for the tree would not be too bad a thing as the kids would recognise them and would feel part of her 'other' life, a big rock to swallow i know but i am sure you can do it, It is very difficult I know when she is purchasing things right left and centre and then what seems like scrounging from your little family. Put the onus on to her and ask her why she needs to take things from the childrens home rather than from you.<P>If she has any thoughts on this although regarding the date of the wedding I am not sure her concience should tell her to do the right thing.<P>This is a decision she has made to move out with the new person and those decisions have consequences that she and not you have to deal with.<P>Good luck in this mess, I know what you are going through and send you big hugs<P>------------------<BR>karen

Hey Bob,<P>It's always something isn't it??? Ughhh.<P>I know what you mean, the ex's sometimes have no logic or reasoning do they??<P>How's this one ??? My ex left ON XMAS DAY!!!!!!!!!! Now he tells me he wants to pick up the kids at 10am on xmas day. WHAT????? Why should he get them for more time then me?? Why should he get them when he left last year?? <P>OK so how come the ex's can spend money on all THEIR stuff but when it comes to the kids they can't afford it??<P>Simple, because of selfishness. <P>Its always something, I only wonder what it will be in January????<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>