<br>I told my husband Saturday that I am having a hard time (not necessarily with him) that I will try my best, but I'm stressed out about a few things right now. We had some family things to do (his family) yesterday so he was stressed out also. Things went fairly ok (except he got upset for me for no reason, I'll blame it on his stress), but when we got home he wanted nothing to do with me. He was having fun with the kids and that was great. But it's just so hard to get his attention. DO YOU MEN TALK TO YOUR WIVES??? Is it only a female thing to want a conversation with eye contact? Supposedly it's a male thing to want to have sex, but I like it too, so why can't he like conversation? Plus he kept asking it I was OK? But you know it wasn't in the caring, I want to helpp manner. It was the are you over it yet manner. So I sat and watched When Harry Met Sally by myself and am sad that we still aren't making that much progress. (Really, I am very upset now, it seems to me that the only time we make progress is if I decided to completely pleasure him. And that only lasts while we are in bed. ---To some of you have know my story--does this sound like I am remembering everything accurately? I know that we even had a good week or so lately, but can't rmember what prompted it.)

GBM,<p>I'm sorry to here of your frustration. Keep in mind that the holidays can add way too much stress to an already touchy situation. I wouldn't read too much into what is taking place right now with that in mind.<p>About conversation. I went out to dinner with some sorority friends the other night and it came up that I was having some problems in my marriage. Mainly I have lost so much weight they all wanted to know how. I told them to go through hell and back and they would lose weight too. Anyways we got to talking about what they expect from their spouses. One friend of mine told me that she can have an orgasm just from some good conversatioin. I don't know if I would go that far but it does mean alot to me. If he listens to my stupid stories and lets me just ramble I do feel as though I want to be with him in other ways. One thing we did come up with though was that it was very wrong for you to hold any of these feelings in. I used to always hold them in to avoid the arguement. Bill has mentioned walking on eggshells, they eventually break no matter how light you step. You don't have to be confrontational but you can say what you are feeling. One thing my therapist tells me is to just say, I'm feeling disappointed/let down. I would like to talk to you and have you just listen. It sounds stupid that you have to ask for this (just like it is stupid that some here have to ask for sex). But given that things are where they are you have to start the habits somewhere and somehow. I know you have told your H what you want but it may take some repetition to get it through to him that you mean it. Look at me, six years later he finally looked at me and said, "I need to recognize your feelings for what they are no matter how I think you should be feeling". (I tell you when he said that I just about passed out LOL) That has taken alot of effort on my part to get him to see. Hang in the GBM. The old chant here is IT TAKES TIME. And if any of us knew how long we would surely tell you. HUGS to you and have a good holiday. My prayers are with you always. <p>Steph

GBM,<p>I talk to my wife. But in view of past mistakes I've changed the way I do it. Now I listen more. I let her keep talking until I feel I have something substantive to say in response. I listen to anything she says. In the past I used to tune some things out, usually something I didn't care about. Not now. Even if my only response is "I don't know", it is said because I genuinely don't, not because I'm trying to avoid what she's saying.<br>Also I've found it is not wise for me to give my view to quickly or the way I'm prone to (like, "Forget all that. Somebody ought to drag him [censored] backwards through a field of nettles".)I have little patience with what I see as foolishness, so in the past when my wife would describe to me something really stupid that someone did I would be very cutthroat in my response. I'm not politically correct and I don't like beating around the bush, so the things I said would sometimes be like verbal swords. No more. Oh, I still respond that way to some degree. That's my personality. But now I always wait until I can tell she's said what she wants to say and then I make my comment. There are some things she feels very strongly about so she does not take my evaluations well in those areas at times. So I think of other ways I can give them or I keep my mouth shut if I know she probably won't take it well.<br>But for the most part we have some pretty good conversations.

I seem to want to talk more than my wife. She has opened up lately, but I still tend to want more converstion. This was something that she had always wanted in our relationship, but I was unable to give.<br>Now, I find that I have learned a lot more about her by just listening to her. I feel closer to her when we talk, than I have felt with her in a long time.

I'm not all that fond of the "Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" book, but one thing jumped off the page at me that might help some of us having communication problems. When I read this I was amazed, because it is one of the major problems my H and I have in communicating:<p>Men talk about things when they want their conversation partner to help them solve something. If a man talks about a problem at work, he wants the other party to come up with ideas to solve the problem. It is an indirect way of asking for help. Otherwise, if you ask him how work went, he will most likely just say "Fine."<p>Women, on the other hand, talk about things to vent. We don't want anyone to give us solutions (unless we ask for them). If we talk about the problem at work, we just want understanding and acknowledgement. We want our conversation partner to simply say, "Wow, that really sucks" NOT "Well, you should just tell your boss that you're not going to do that." If we want help we say something more like, "I need your advice: My boss is trying ..."<p>As with most "gender" specific type things we talk about here, this is a generalization ... you mileage may differ. Hope it helps some, anyway.<p>terri<br>

Thanks all guys for answering!! Steph, you have given me a lot to think about. I hope I use it wisely. <br>One thing I have got to remind myself is that I KNOW he is trying. I guess I will have to keep point blank remind him what is importnat to me. last night he surprised me and said---you have done so much to get ready for Christmas I really appreciate it, can I help you do anything? WOW, was I floored. I have done it all, but such a sincere acknowledgement meant so much. ANd his willingness to help. Now if I can just get him to kiss me under the mistletoe!!