I'm trying to figure out if I'm crazy or what. I don't get offended at anything, so if I sound crazy, please tell me that I am.<P>My wife and I have filed divorce papers, and we have a 4yo in a preschool that's new for her. She's been crying all day a couple of days after she started. The school has been calling me (I'm the first number listed) and I've been working with them on solutions. A couple days ago, W and I talked about it, and she seemed pretty fine with everything. I told her what we talked about and what the plan was. Then yesterday, I had a new idea that might help, but it needed the help of a friend. I called him to make sure it was OK, and he said it was, so I emailed W with the idea. I work away from home three nights a week, so I was doing this remotely.<P>Today, she sent me a nasty email saying not to go calling around behind her back. Stay out of their lives while I'm away. I figured I'd talk to her tonight, and then I called the school to see if my daughter was OK. A while later, a very irate W called me to scold me for that too. She said to leave them alone while I'm away. She'll make all the decisions while I'm away. If she needs help from me, she'll ask me. On those days that I take care of our daughter, then it's my decisions.<P>I don't think this is smart. If I have an idea, I'm supposed to shut up until she asks? She hates me emailing her and calling her, and I can tell you she seldom responds. On those days I'm taking care of her, if she has an idea, I WANT her to tell me whether I ask or not!<P>Of course, I'm presenting one side, and I'm still upset by this, so I'm probably not being fair. But I'd like some feedback. Maybe how to handle this too.<P>I'm going home tonight, and W will be there. I really want to talk it out. Any suggestions?<P>Summary: I do email or call her most days about things related to our daughter, especially now with the transition. W hates that and finds it annoying. I worked with the school on some solutions, and we talked about it well. She rarely calls or emails me or responds to email or calls unless she needs something. I called a friend with a new idea, then emailed the idea to W after he said it was OK. I want her to respond to calls and emails related to our daughter. She wants to be left alone on those days I'm away.

Well, we talked. Did not go at all well. She wanted her time with our daughter to just be her time with no contact with me. She said I was calling around behind her back. Since we last had a good talk on Tuesday, I called preschool twice to see if our daughter was OK. I called a friend once to see if an idea I had was OK with him.<P>We talked tonight, and she kept saying how she wanted me out of her life. I said I wanted to resolve things concerning our daughter. I said that any issues involving our daughter need us to communicate with each other. She said she doesn't want to communicate about anything except what we have to.<P>So I told her that if she doesn't want to communicate, then I don't want her to be a mom. She said she'd move out, and look for an apartment tomorrow. I told her I'll have our daughter full time until she decides she wants to communicate.<P>What do you think. I'm not sure I did the right thing.

I understand what you are saying, and regarding your reality check, you are not way off base. It is reasonable for you to be concerned about your child's welfare, whether she is with you or not.<P>It seems to me that your STBX just wants YOU out of her life, and is stretching that to include you being out of your daughter's life. I know that stings a bit to hear, but be strong and don't wonder. When you have your child's best interests at heart, you are doing what is right for her--sometimes even if it hurts you. It is not reasonable to expect no communication with you while she has your daughter. It is not reasonable to expect "no contact". Good, bad or otherwise, you two will always be partially attached at the hip because of your child. <P>So, stay involved in your daughter's life, and keep on talking to your STBX. Your daughter is depending on you to be her dad.<P>CJ<P><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Did you do the right thing? Well it depends upon the REAL reason you did it. If you are truely looking out for the well being of your D then yes you have a right/obligation to step up with any thoughts you have.<P>If on the other hand this is a thinly vieled excuse to force yourself back in to your Ws life then you are wrong and using the D as an excuse will eventually back fire.<P>The W may take you back to court and the D will eventually see it for what it is.<P>I sometimes find it amazing that so many people think their spouse is a good parent while they are married, but as soon as they are seperated believe the other person can't tie the kids shoes properly.<P>Are you really certain your W couldn't handle the problems at the pre school or is it much more than that?

Country Guy: Oh, I DO think she can handle everything. I just didn't trust her to tell me what's going on even if I ask her, and she hates me asking her. And I don't want to be involved in her life that doesn't include our daughter. I just want to be able to ask her questions about our daughter while I'm not there, and for her to respond.<P>FaithfulWife: You're pretty much right on your thoughts.<P>Everyone: After our big fight, I was in my room reading, and W came in and said she doesn't want to be out of our daughter's life, so what should she do. Quite brave of her to do that, I must say. I just told her all I wanted was better communication. If I have questions, I want her to answer, and I'd like to be able to tell her things about our daughter without feeling like I'm annoying her.<P>We talked for a long time, sometimes a little bit heatedly, sometimes calmly. We agreed that she would respond to my questions about our daughter.<P>Early this morning, when W woke up, I went to her and apologized for the mean things I said. I said I still wanted open communication. She said she'd answer any questions I have. She doesn't want any other communication between us. Not even a friendly "How was your day" kind of thing. She says she's training me to a life of divorce. I think that's completely wrong (I'm friendly to her, and make plans for myself and our daughter), but I know she's really stuck on that point. I think deep down she's trying to make sure she's OK in a life without me. Sounds really conceited, but she does have a lot of insecurities, and pushing me away is her way of dealing with it.<P>Thanks you guys.