Hi all,<P>Just got back from my first visit with a lawyer. He actually was very nice and has a good sense of humor. As we went through everything there came some good news and some bad news.<P>His first comment was that he was very happy to see who my wife's attorney was. He said that her attorney is very fair and straightforward. My attorney in fact has had many cases against her attorney so they are familiar with each other. In that respect my lawyer felt comfortable in saying that this may be able to go through quickly and cleanly with as little problems as possible. And with both me and my wife being satisfied (and not a ton of legal bills).<P>The bad news is that my lawyer has also dealt with my Father-in-law (who is also an attorney). He said that my FIL is the wildcard in all of this - that FIL has been known to drag out other matrimonial cases and the determining factor will be on how well my wife's attorney can control my FIL.<P>So we'll see on this one.<P>But the reason for my post is this strange feeling of peace I have gotten after leaving his office. I can't really describe it - not that I am happy or anything like that, but just content. Maybe in knowing that this may all still work out amicably. Even sitting there going over the divorce papers (which are a crock of *hit) I felt no anger towards my wife - I even commented to my lawyer that "if she wants this, fine. I just want to get through it with 4 things: my house, my dog, my dignity and the ability to finanicially exist" <P>- His reply? <BR>"count on the dog..."<P>Funny guy, huh!<P>This may be premature in stating, but I think I have finally fully reached the point of "letting her go". I know our marriage wasn't a failure, rather it was just one of those things. I made a promise to myself that as long as I am not "attached" to anyone at the time, if my wife ever came to me with hope for us, I would at least give it a shot...<P>But other than that, I love her, I miss her, I am sad to be losing her, but its time for her to go. And I wish her well. I will always hold a special place for her in my heart and maybe, just maybe some day God may bring us back together...<P>Never imagined I would feel this way after meeting with my lawyer for the first time....<P>Mike

Hey Mike<P>glad to hear about your peace..wish I had some<P>I really want this to end fast and with as little damage to dignity as possible. I don't know if we can, he wants me to forgo an attorney, and agree to his proposal, I dont know if I can because I havent seen it yet. He has stopped giving me money, and tells me to get a job. I am looking for one that will allow me to still be home with the kids in the afternoon, as I feel I have deserved working as hard as I did to put him through school.I missed alot of holidays with the kids because I was working, and will not go back to floor / hospital nursing as a result. I would take a pay cut to be home more.I have no desire to rake him, I know I can, and some of it will be court ordered but I do not want to see him suffer at all, we have both suffered enough. I keep telling him this, but he does not want to hear it, and he doesnt listen anyway.......duh, what makes me think he would start listening now? oh well, I hope your attorney is good and can diffuse the trouble with FIl have a nice weekend.

<P>Mike, you can always count on the dog!<P>I'm glad you're feeling some closure. Letting go really helps. I'm seeing my attorney the Monday after Thanksgiving. I'm hopeful that I can get the Sep. A. checked & notarized & let her go her way. <P>I could never have imagined feeling this way about her, but I can't afford to let myself be emotionally vulnerable to her ever again.<P>Like you, this is absolutely the last thing in the world I EVER wanted, but, we really don't have any say in the matter do we?<P>Take care..<P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Funny thing - those dogs. The night before my x filed for a divorce, I overheard him telling his sister that he was filing the next day - he never had the decency to tell me and, yes, he was still living at home. That night I threw him out of the bedroom. So, he started sleeping in the den with the dog. Five weeks later she started deteriorating rapidly and a week later she died. After six weeks of sleeping in the same room with that man, she died. I'd slept with him for 17 years.<P>Smart dog.

LOL <P>I have to relay a funny story, my husband killed a hamster by sleeping in the same room with it. Gas I am assuming..or hot air

Thanks for your thoughts everyone!<P>Hope everybody has a good weekend.<P>Mike

Mike, <P>I am glad that your visit with your attorney went well and I am not surprised about his comments on your FIL being a wildcard in all of this. I really wish the best for you during this process. You have always come across as a very honest, upfront, caring, sincere and open man in this forum. You have kept yourself composed, level-headed and have always referred to your wife with love and respect. You, my friend, are a true gem.<P>Even if the legal issues get tough during the remainder of your divorce, please do not change how you are handling things. If the time comes to get nasty, those issues are best left up to the attorneys. It's their job.<P>I would like to comment about one phrase specifically in your post:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>"This may be premature in stating, but I think I have finally fully reached the point of "letting her go".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have felt this same way MANY times. Just when I think I am over her and am strong enough to move on, something seems to bring me back down. However, I don't stay down for long and it doesn't seem to happen that often. As I mentioned in another post, what we are all going through is a process and not an event. We will swing and we will shift, but in time, we will all heal and will be able to move on.<P>Shalom

Nikilynn,<BR>Get your own lawyer. His lawyer is working for your stbx and won't be working for you.<P>Mike,<BR>My lawyer said the same thing about my x's lawyer and they still submitted some wild request including a verbal request for no child support in return for less of my pension and no alimony.<P>They finally submitted a formal request for about a 60-40 split in her favor which we quickly got to 50-50. I was fortunate in that my x just wanted out and didn't want anything at that time.<P>Good luck, and God Bless,<P>Bob