Well, I came home Friday from the business trip to an empty house... All of my "things" were here, but my family had moved out. <BR>I knew that it would be hard but I had no idea the impact it would have. I ended up leaving right after I got home so that I didn't end up wandering aimlessly around the house... We were supposed to go to dinner Friday night when he picked me up from the airport, but I guess he decided he didn't want to. Anyway, this weekend has ended up being very busy so I haven't had too much time to feel sorry for myself. Monday will certainly change that!!! <BR>H has called several times over the weekend to say ????. Still not sure how to take all of that, but I will take whatever I can get. He has also left several of his things here. Not sure how to deal with that either. It hurts to see them. I know that he wants them, but he doesn't want me to deliver them to him. Soooooo, what do I do? Pack them up and wait? Leave them where they are? I don't want to make any waves or seem pushy so for right now I am just being quiet about it. Any ideas???

Blindsided,<P>I just read your post on your last thread. I know what you mean by not wanting to go home<BR>but home being the only place you want to be.<BR>when I first got my divorce papers, I lost it. I would want to go home then when I got home I wanted to leave again. I would go to friends or family's homes and then want to leave. It was like I wasn't comfortable anywhere I went. It was like all the air was <BR>sucked out of me and I couldn't breath.It hurts to even think about it now. <P>I still have a lot of pain but, I have one thing now that that I didn't have then...hope. My hope comes from God. Believe me when people use to say this to me I would <BR>be like "that really helps a lot". I had to loose everything to realize that God is our strength. Hope comes from him. <P>Your husband may have left those things as a reason to come back to talk. I don't believe he has given up all hope on your marriage.Just don't push him. Be nice to him<BR>and respect what he says. BS, please believe me when I say this because I learned the hard way how I drove my husband off. Yes, he made mistakes also but, we can only look at our part. We cannot change anyone nor can we convince them of anything. God has to do that.I hope this helps you.<P>Be encouraged!<BR>gentle

{{{{{{{{{{blindsided}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm sorry for your pain. You are a good person, even if your husband can't see that right now. Take a deep breath and relax. There is nothing you can do about this right now, so just let it go for a little bit...<P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gentle:<BR><B>I know what you mean by not wanting to go home but home being the only place you want to be. when I first got my divorce papers, I lost it. I would want to go home then when I got home I wanted to leave again. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Boy does that ring a bell. I bounced around with that for nearly a year, wanting to go home, then just not wanting to be there. If you ever wanted proof that home is a lot more than a house there it is. <P>Blindsided, sure hope you have friends and family to be close to right now. Keep the faith, sooner or later this will be resolved one way or the other. Peace of mind in on the way, just not right now! Thinking of you, Bumper<P>

I experienced the same thing on July 28th, (also a Friday - Why do they do it on Fridays?) I came home after work to find the house basically cleaned out. All that was left was some flood damaged furniture and anything that my parents had given to us as gifts over the years.<P>I did not know where she was. Sunday she called and informed me that she had cashed in our retirement fund, leased an apartment, and told me she was afraid that if I had known what she would do, that I would try to stop her. (Hello!?) I also learned that all my brothers-in-law assisted her in the very well coordinated move complete with moving van.<P>Two weeks later I called her to talk about a separation agreement, and she informed me that she had instructed a lawyer to file for divorce. Six weeks later the lawyer sends me a letter demanding I respond within ten days to her demands to be relieved of all marital financial obligations or face a full court battle. I responded with a conditional acceptance of her terms, however since then I have heard nothing form her or her lawyer. That was almost two months ago.<P>I am so sorry to here that you experienced the "empty house" and I cannot give you any recommendation without knowing your situation or what your hopes for reconciliation are. I can tell you I did not want this. I did accomodate her for ten months after she returned home from her affair. During that time she reminded me that she did not know why she was there, or whether she should even be there (fog?), so I always knew that her leaving was a possibility.<P>Regarding his stuff, I'd recommend you package it all up and send it to him by a messenger or courier service. It would accomplish several things. 1 - would get it out of your house so you don't have to look at it anymore. 2- You wouldn't have to deal with him face to face over the stuff, and 3 - You will feel like you're in control of what you can control and not a hopeless victim waiting for his next move.<P>You can still hope for reconciliation if that is your desire, but let him know by your actions that you are a worthy person deserving of respect, not just a victim of his childish "if we don't play my way I'm taking my toys home" game.<BR>

Blindsided,<P>I'm thinking of you.<P>My d is finalised in 2 weeks, on Dec 5th, and I quite often wonder how I'm going to feel on the day.<BR>At the moment, I have been through the emotional wringer, yet AGAIN, so I'm just wanting it to be over. But I have no doubt that on the day, it will be a different story.<P>I firmly feel your H has left those things deliberately. He hasn't let go completely. I don't want to say too much, because I don't know your story at all. But, I can say personal experience, don't push. I did, and he won't come back now. <P>take care of you, and talk to your girlfriends. And us. Keep communicating, it's the only way through this mess.<P>big hugs for you<P>

Thanks again guys. I think I will follow the "leave it alone" advice for now. If this appears to continue to drag on for months with nothing I will pack it up and either have it delivered or deliver it myself. I think that maybe he is waiting for me to be gone to get the rest of the items, but I am going to change the locks so that will not be possible. I am not comfortable with him coming in the house without me here. I know that he will not take anything that isn't his, but right now it just doesn't "feel" right. I let him move while I was gone, but figure since he is no longer sleeping here he has no business here unless it is to visit with me. <P>I spoke with him about four times now today. Again, each conversation ending with "I love you". I wish I could figure all of this out. Conversations are about nothing really, but like I think I said earlier. I will take whatever I can get at this point and just hope for reconciliation in the future.... <P>Thanks again for all of the input and advice. As usual you are a wonderful source of support and advice from so many different angles. <P>