Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. The baby and I are bonding. I'm having a little problem with my two year old. She loves her baby brother, but she's so whiny. <P>My emotions are really flustered at the moment. I can't believe I'm gonna have to really do this by myself. Yes I kept my expctations very low, but somewhere in me I was just kind of hoping, you know But oh well. I see nothing when I look in his eyes. Don't get me wrong, he is a good daddy to the kids and I knew our marriage was over, but I just can't believe the depth in which I love him. <P>But it's not me he loves, It's someone else. We talked briefly about what was going on with him and he's not seeing anyone, but the relationship he was involeved in, he still loves her very much. We have gotten along fine however for the most part. Maybe we can do this civilly and salvage the pieces we have left and be firends.<P>Sorry you guys, I'll be back to myself soon. Maybe when he leaves, but while he's here, it's as if a tease, something that I really want, but just cant have. Sleeping in seperate rooms and all. Oh, did I tell you guys when he got here, we greeted with a hug, I think that's the first time we had physical contact since he left.....<P>Okay, I got to get a grip. This is over and I have to be really strong for the kids....<P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

It sure does hurt when the person who means more to you in the world, has no feelings for you.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{jamie-lee}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Jamie-lee,<P>Grip, scmip! Your emotions are all over the place because you just had a baby! They'd be all over the place whether you had a husband or not. So at least in some part or yourself, accept the fact that it's natural to be a little rollercoastery right now. So cry your eyes out a bit, and blame it on post-partum blues! I know your other little girl is quite young, but it will do her good to be with mommy and hear you say, "Mommy feels sad today, but I'll be better later. You make me feel a little happier."<P>I know exactly what you mean about the tease thing. That's the hardest thing for me to get over too. I didn't particularly do anything "wrong" that I can change or fix, he just doesn't love ME anymore. That's a heck of a stinger to let sink in. I'm with you, I keep on kinda having hope or thinking maybe . . ., and then my hopes are dashed. I guess that's natural. It is gradually becoming more real to me, and I'm sure it will be the same for you. <P>So ride the coaster, and just know that we are all here riding with you. You won't be doing this by yourself, because we will be with you every step of the way.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{jamie-lee}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>CJ <P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Jamie-Lee,<P>One word....hormones!!! Having a baby is hell on hormones! <P>Your body is going thru some major changes right now, just as it did when you first got pregnant. Let the feelings come as they are. There will be days when everything makes you smile and days when everything makes you cry. <P>And you can do this. You're not alone though! You may not have your H with you, but you have 2 beautiful and healthy children that will make every bump in the road a breeze! <P>Just hold onto those babies and feel the love that they have for you!<P>Hugs!<P>MItzi

Jamie-lee,<P>You are being strong! It breaks my heart to see my husband because I love him so much. My heart goes out to you because you have all the emotions associated with a new baby. With so much joy and pain at the same time, you are doing great. On top of that your H thinks he is in love with OW. I don't have a<BR>new baby nor the OW thing and I can really get down at times. <P>Your husband is confused right now. God gives<BR>all men a special love for their wives. I use to not believe this but it took a lot of pain to learn that if we believe and have faith, God has His hands on it. There is always hope. You cannot change your husbands heart but God can. I know God will restore my marriage but in His time. I will pray for you and your family. Let God restore your marriage. If you are serious about letting God restore your marriage, I know a wonderful web site to go to. Don't give up.<BR>I know everyone else is telling you just to forget him and find someone new. I stopped listening to that a when I decided God was in charge of my life. I had messed it up really bad. God is the only one that can fix our Mess. <P>gentle<p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited November 20, 2000).]

{{{{{{{{{{Jamie - Lee}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I must have missed the post that you had the baby, I haven't been around as much these days.<P>Take some time to rest and recover for the baby. Everyone is right, you have a lot of emotions because of the baby. Not only that, but you've had a rough year.<P>You will feel better and find the strength you need to do this. Build a support system and don't be afraid to take help when someone offers.<P>My first two daughters were 21 months apart. Its a lot of work. A lot of running. The older one will regress a little and strive for mom's attention. The baby requires attention non stop and thats just how it will be for a little while. But it all gets better and we're here for you to vent.<P>Take care of yourself so you can take care of the kids. I know you were hoping , I think we all did in our own situations too for the longest time. You'll get past this and go on to a wonderful life.<P>Sending you strength and hugs,<BR>Dana<BR>

nick, thanks for the hugs and support!<P>CJ, <BR>I think the "hope" that I felt today just snuck (if that's a word) up on me. The reality has set in for awhile. It's been 4 months since I actually seen him face to face. It's just so strange him being here, an knowing he'll be leaving soon. Anyways thanks so much for yur kind words of encouragement and hugs...<P>Mitzi,<BR>You so RIGHT!! And I'm just praying and trying to be careful not to get the postpardum blues. My babies mean the world to me and to tell you the truth, looking at them or having my daughter ask me if I'm ok, makes me get my act together.<P>gentle,<BR>I do believe that God is much bigger than anything that I'm going through and I do believe in his power to restore our marriage. But I also believe in the free will he gave to all mankind. And at this moment and the past two years, he's wanted out. I definitely don't know what the future holds. And drawing the line between faith and reality has been one of my biggest challenges. I have to move on for the sake of my sanity and for my kids. And if it will be, it will. But today reality says for me to let go. As far as someone else. I can't imagine the thought right now. That's so beyond me and I'm simply not ready and don't know when or if I ever will. Thank you for your encouragement. I really want to give God control and this is the only way I know how!!<P>Dana,<BR>I know you guys are right. And I am trying to build that support system. I'm usually so independent about things, but I am taking all the help I can get this time around. I can see that this is gonna be tough. But I know it'll get easier. Dana, I'm so ready for that 'wonderful' life. Thanks for the support!! Hope everything is still going well with you.<P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com