Boy can I use some advice. My wife has been in contact with two of her former lovers and has indacated her desire to meet with one right after Christmas. I know this is so becuse of the Chritmas letters she sent to both of them, and in each letter my name was not use at all. Now I am feeling a little gulity becuse I hacked my wifes e-mail password and have read e-mail I am sure she hab no intention of me reading. Anyway she has plans to meet one of her former lovers/long time boy-friend while he is home for the holidays in Chicago. In his e-mail he expressed troubles in his current relationship and said it would be nice to have some one to talk to. Yeah right I sure they both have more in mind. He ended his lastest e-mail with Love Karl- This is the only e-mail that he has used this expression.<p>In the mean time my wife has said nothing to me about going to Chicago during the Christmas holidays. I am hope that she does not spring some lame excuse on me at the late minute. I am not sure what to do, I am feeling very gulity and afraid. I love my wife and we have two wonderful children. <p>I am very greatful for discoving this forum and I look forward to your advice.<p>Thank you,<p>Clubking

Clubking,<p>Without knowing much of your situation I would say you need to confront her. Tell her what you know and ask her for the truth. That doesn't mean you will get the truth but there is a good chance that you will. I would not just sit back and let something happen. If she insists that it is nothing then I would ask if you can be there when they meet. If it is just to talk then it shouldn't matter if you are there. I don't know what else to tell you without knowing more. I would not just ride this out though. It could be stopped before anything serious happens. Good luck.<p>Steph<br>

clubking,<p>This is a tough one. Myself I'd have to hold myself back from printing the e-mails, throwing them down in front of her and asking what the %*%#$@#@^ is this?<br>But try not to be like me. Maybe you have some idea about what is lacking, if anythng, in your relationship that might cause your wife to feel she wants to do this. But, like Steph said, I'd definitely confront her. Try to do it calmly and just ask for the simple truth. Hopefully you'll get it. But I'd say there is likely to be some high emotion involved. Hopefully you'll be able to keep it reigned in. <br>I'm hoping for a good result for you, as best as can be desired under the circunstances.

Confronting your wife could cause resentment on her part because you violated her personal space and trust. This could, in turn, just push her further into going to meet this guy and maybe go further than that. Before you confront her, maybe you should deal with the issues that led you to secretly hack her email in the first place.

confront her or not. Both sides have their thorns. But you must ask yourself what you want. Do you want to live your live in denial for the kids and family sake or do you want an open honest relationship. Your wife should not have her own password protected e-mail. You should be able to look in it anytime you want. You should also respect her privacy and not look at it unless you suspect something. The point is that there should be know secerts between you. She is being dishonest by keeping secrets from you and you are being dishonest by prying into her secrets without her knowledge. What i am trying to say is that any way to live never trusting one another. It leads to more lies more deciets until there is no trust left. I know I experienced it first hand. I read my wife's e-mail without her knowing discovered some things but I did not confront her therefore I allowed the action to continue all the while I lost trust for her steadily until there was none left. It is a tough call but I believe honesty confrontion is but then passive dishonesty

So clubking...<p>It's after Christmas... what happened? I hope your fears were unfounded.