Francis,<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hi again.... thanks for your kindness on my thread yesterday. Sorry it has taken me so long to get over here and reply to you.<P>I think you are doing better than you let yourself believe.... reaching out is difficult (I know), and taking the steps to put things right is even harder.<P>The most important thing you can do right now is to heal yourself and take care of your kids... and Plan A your hiney off. <P>You've come a long way already, and you have a long way to go.... we are here for you to help you along the way. I do remember some of your posts from before.. (I was using the name DawnD then). <P>Best wishes, Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Hi K -<P>Yiup, OW is S. I don't want to say much more than that.<P>And Butterfly -<P>I hope you're not giving me too much credit. Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am -- how far I've come and most of the time, strong is the last adjective I'd use to describe myself.<P>Thanks for the vote of confidence, though.<P>Still no word from internet guy. I know he's out there though, waiting for just the right time to make his next move. It's really cold here (windchill -20 C) and I'm feeling a little guilty about tossing him out (with $100) in this weather. But he's a big boy, has a commissions-only job he can go to if he so chooses and AA friends. <P>Tonight's gonna be a busy one--good thing. Helps keep my mind off the last few days.<P>Again, thank you all sooooooo much!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Take good care, Francis

I was afraid of that. You have no idea how much that pisses me off. It's possible that I'm even more pissed off then you!<P>Based on the fact that this is a rebound relationship for both of them under less than ideal circumstances would lead me to believe it won't be a lasting relationship. And this just goes to hammer home my "whiny, worship-at-the-Harley-altar" mentality about why emailing off-board and opposite sex friendships involving marital troubles are so damn dangerous.<P>Well, I'll eat an extra drumstick for you tomorrow, Francis---and the extra dose of tryptophan will lull me into a Snorlax-like state of inactivity. <P>It's very nice to have you back, BTW.

K -<P>Yes, do eat an extra drum stick for me (I do prefer white meat, but whatever <P>Actually, I'm not pissed off at all about OM and S. Look, let's be honest, this is MY fault, MY doing, MY screw-up. How can I be pissed off at the two of them for trying to find happiness. Yes, it is risky business seeing as how this is a rebound for both, but I suppose they have to do what they believe is best for them.<P>What I am is sad--sad that my actions (my insanity) has caused so many so much pain, especially my children. They miss their intact family so much!!! They're really happy IG is gone...and the three of us are pulling together like a real team. But they really miss their dad.<P>The other night, our dogs accidentally got loose and ran away. It was already dark and the thought of those little shih-tzus out in the cold night was really scary. We all went out looking for them. My son and me on foot (IG on bike while my daughter stayed home in case the dogs returned on their own.) As we were searching the neighborhood, my son in hysterics, started praying. "God, please let us find our puppies!" he said over and over. And then the heartbreaker: "God, I've lost my family, don't let me lose my dogs too!" It just ripped my heart out!!!<P>Anger? No, I don't feel that (yet). Sadness is the best way to describe what's going on inside! Sadness and determination that somehow we'll make it through this.<P>I hope you have a great Thanksgiving with your intact family!!!<P>God Bless...<BR><P>------------------<BR>Take good care, Francis

Hey Francis...<P>Just checking back.<P>As soon as I noted that your H met his new flame here, I pretty much knew who it was, but (unlike K ) wasn't gonna ask. I think you are right to take the attitude that you are...there is enough pain in this situation for everyone without getting caught up in placing more blame.<P>You sound like you are holding up well, under the circumstances. I do know what it feels like tho to have everyone tell you how strong you are when that isn't how you feel on the inside. As my preacher told me once, you need to have someone with whom you can let the not-so-strong part out, bcs that is a valuable part of you too. I hope that you can get some counseling & support; of course you know you have an online support group here! <P>The important thing right now is taking care of you & your kids (OK, and the dogs ). <P>Hugs and prayers--<P>Kathi

Yes, and the dogs...mustn't forget the dogs...and we now have a cat too, Chloe! She's a real sweetie.<P>Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.<P><P>------------------<BR>Take good care, Francis