{{{{Dana}}}}<P>No, you aren't alone in your feelings over the holidays, that much is obvious by all the repsonses. I took the girls and went motocrossing Wed through Sunday, we had a Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors and it was a fabulous outing. We all handled it very well until STBX rode up as we were leaving yesterday. <P>He had a group of 5 others with him, just rode up for some gas. I lost it, was actually shaking and told somebody that he had a lot of nerve to dump his family and then just drive on up like nothing was wrong. I couldn't sleep again last night. I thought I was better, but his insolence justs keeps ripping at the girls and I.<P>The starting of new rituals and family traditions is a good idea. I am going to plan a Christmas party, and the kids and I are designing a special lighting pattern. The 3 of us are determined to have a good Christmas, even though there will be little under the tree (personally, I think there is too much under the tree for the most part for many kids).<P>I'm a little scared, too... it's getting close to the end, we see the attorneys again on Wed. I just want this over... I want to know where I stand and be able to build my life around that. Maybe getting closure is our Christmas present. <P>Sorry, I am rambling. I, too, haven't been able to write, have just wanted to back up and reassess everything. I think it is the season and the circumstances. <P>I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season, that peace finds you and holds you in comfort, that the rush you feel of love for your friends and family envelops you with a profound warmth. So much has gotten commercialized, the true holiday spirit comes from within. <P>Lori