<P>[This message has been edited by slowlerner (edited 02-04-99).]<p>[This message has been edited by slowlerner (edited February 16, 2000).]

hi slow,<br>I read your post and while me and my wife have only been married for 3years i am going through kind of the same thing. While my wife has not asked for a divorce she has moved out of state and is requesting time and space to see if her feelings for me are true. i have read the website from cover to cover and believe it is a great way to get my marriage back on track. However, my wife refuses to follow the policy her excuse is that from my past history of controlling behavior I will use it to controll her life. I am tring to explain to her that it can not be used like that but she does not yet see it. In regards to your problem, I think the best course of action would be to refuse to sign the papers untill she agrees to counselling for a period of like 6 months. Tell her if after that she still feels the way she does then agree to sign the papers and seperated peacfully. I think that she is in a hurry to sign them before she changes her mind. She probably feels mixed feelings for you but her taker is pushing her to sign them so you are not able to hurt her anymore. Stall for time. you have 21 years of history pulling you back together. I know that during all that time you two must have had many great experiences, if you stall lon enough she will see past the hurt and remember the good times. If she want to date other man then there is not much you can do to stop her but it will be hard for her to find someone else she will feel has comforable with has you. Use your long marriage has a plus not a negative. concentrate on all the good points to her not the bad. Take a step back and let her see them for herself. I have taken that step back and it was the hardest thing I have ever did in my life but I am starting to see results from my wife. There is hope just keep that hope in the for front of your mind. Remember optimism and pessimism both rub off to the people you are around so keep up a happy face around her and hopefully she will see that you are worth another chance. I'll be thinking of you.

one other thing do not put to much stock in making love. Guys and women think totally differnt about it. Man feel that if we make love things are going to be ok but women also have a need and would rather have sex with someone they know for their release instead of a total stranger. So she may have just been in need of companionship and chose you instead of some stranger. Take heart in that but do not bet the bank on it fixing your marriage