Hi everyone,<P>I thought I'd just list everything that has happened lately, over the last 6 months, and ask for your feedback. What do you all think...<P>1. he said he would sign the divorce papers, I went to his house, and he cried and said he didn't know if this was what he wanted. He asked for 7 more days. I gave him 7 more days, and never heard anything.<P>2. he rang me while I was interstate, and said he no heart for our relationship. He was happy with his life the way it was.<P>3. I went to a solicitor and filed for divorce. He was supposed to return an 'acknowledgment of service' form - he still hasn't. He was served Sept. 10th.<P>4. My solicitor asked for his superannuation statement. He told her he had faxed it. A week later it still hadn't turned up. We called from her office, he knew it was me, so answered his phone with "hello......, hello....., hello........" and then hung up. We rang from her number (a number he doesn't know) and surprise surprise, he answered and his phone was ok. He faxed the statement.<P>5. It was our d's bday and we hadn't given her our present. He wanted to be there when I gave it to her, he named the night, and then suggested he bring fish and chips in for us. I automatically assumed all of us, and said ok, about 6 - 6.30. He said, "no, I thought just for us two...." So, I fed the children, bathed them, we played with them and then I put them to bed while he went and got the takeaway. We sat on the sofa and chatted, just about work, nothing personal, but actually chatted. He did ask about legal proceedings, but I just didn't want to discuss that with him. I just said that my solicitor was handling it all.<P>6. It was our 10th wedding anniversary about 3 weeks ago, He left a message on my mobile (cellphone) saying that he just wanted to say hi, and that he was thinking about me.<BR>I did call him back, and told him that I was remembering all the happy times we had had together. I told him that I thought we had had more happy times than sad times. He agreed.<P>7. his parents have just visited, and they all spent a lot of time together. Played happy families. His new girlfriend, (the 5th since we have been apart) my children, and friends of mine. HURT, HURT, HURT.<P>8. he promised me he would tell his parents the truth while they were here. That the reason I left was because he had an affair, and that he chose her. (She only lasted 6 months!!) But they have blamed me for leaving. They never knew he had the affair. They did ask, but he lied, and they believed him. When I asked whether he had told them, he said no, it wasn't the right time......<P>Somehow, I have managed to let go of all of this hurt. I just want the 5th Dec to be here, my divorce to go through, and put this whole mess behind me.... only 2 weeks to go...<P>Does anyone else think this is strange, that he is still so much in my life, sending messages on my phone, offering to buy takeaway.......<P>thanks for your input.... <P>Jo

Have to go to bed now.<BR>I have an 0430 sign-on in the morning. I'll be back about 2.30pm which I have no idea what time it will be over there...........<P>This time differenc is just a killer..<P>night night<P>Jo

Hi bonnet,<P>I'm sorry he's waffling on you like this. The hardest part of all this all for me was the not knowing, thinking I had a chance. It's impossible to start healing.<P>My STBX brought over dinner night before last. Last night I took our son so she could go to a party & she came back all bright & friendly, and she touched me several times (something she hasn't done in several weeks). It's very strange. I just can't allow myself to get my hopes up. But it certainly is baffling. They really act weird sometimes, don't they?<P>{bonnet}<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Jo...<P>{{{{{Jo}}}}}...<P>I know Plan B was hard for you...<P>...any chance of restarting a truly <B>NO CONTACT</B> life?<P> <P>Jim

{{{{{{BONNET}}}}}}<P>Honestly, it sounds to me, like what my ex did for a long time.<P>Partly that he is not sure of the divorce. Partly that he is not sure of the seperation. Possibly trying to keep you on a little string, just in case he tires of it all and you are still "close".<P>At some point, all that contact isn't healthy and it isn't going to help you move on to a healthy relationship someday. Personally thats when I think most WS come around, when the betrayed moves on, and the tables are turned.<P>Usually by then betrayed is so fed up with WS they stay put. <P>He obviously isn't happy if he's had that many girlfriends. I would think there is something in him he has to figure out.<P>I wish I knew what to say, I was in that same trap for a while, til I got a boyfriend and now ex is very bitter towards me.<P>happy holidays, hugs,Dana<BR>

Jo,<BR>It sounds like he is trying to still "find happiness" as evidenced by his many girlfriends and his hanging on to you. He still remembers the good times with you and keeps contact in case these others don't meet his needs.<P>I would agree with Jim to really limit the contact you have with him. You are only setting yourself up for more heart ache. Limit the conversations to the kids and visitations away from the house.<P>Hang in,<P>Bob

thanks everyone<P>I really appreciate your comments.<BR>It's nothing that I haven't thought, ie, that he has a foot in both camps, just in case one doesn't work out. Not fair to anyone is it??????<P>I am trying so hard to limit the contact I have with him. I hardly ever see him, and when I do he looks so unhappy...<BR>I do speak to him most days, but usually only to put the children on the phone, or to talk about them.<P>We haven't had a discussion about 'us' since the last time I brought it up, which I can't remember when that was!!<P>Again, I'm feeling ok about everything, that I have made the right decision by going ahead with the divorce. He has shown not one bit of interest about reconciling. Offered no explanations for what has happened, or why......I don't want anyone like that in my life anymore.<P>Jim - it's so good to hear from you. I've been searching for some posts from you to find out how you are. All I've found is the one to the lady in Croatia.... How are you my friend. I never forgot you while I was 'away', and thought of you often. I hope you have some peace, and that your health has improved.<BR>much love, and many hugs to you.<P><BR>hi cOOker, <P>thanks for responding. They are so strange, I just cannot think about him anymore. I will never understand this, but I have given up trying. That at least is a step in the right direction for me. I have accepted that I may never know, and I have started the long slow process of healing and moving on. I wish the same for you. Baffling is such a good word isn't it...... says it all....<BR>thanks for caring.<P>Hi Dana,<BR>good to hear from you. I'm glad you're happy in your new relationship.<BR>I don't think he's happy deep down. He always looks so unhappy when I do see him.<BR>Oh well, like you say, he wants it both ways, but he can't have it both ways...<BR>take care of you my friend, and big hugs for you. Thanks for caring.<P>Hi RWD,<P>been a while since we've had a chat......<BR>I'm trying to limit the conversations, and the topics that we discuss. I try to keep it about the chilren only. I think he senses that I'm moving away, and forward, and he keeps dragging me back. He asked today how my work was going. He also owed me a small sum of money and I asked for it back as I'm flat broke, and he asked if I'd been a party girl. I'm usually very good with budgeting, but have really gone overboard this month. He was trying to find out what I'd been up to, and where I'd been. I didn't answer his questions.<BR>I'm hanging on, just...... My fingernails have stopped bleeding tho!!!!!<BR>I'm starting to feel ok about everything, which is a step in the right direction. Take care of you, and big hugs for you<P>

Jo,<P>I hadn't had anything real insightful to add to this so I've just stayed in the background...<P>My brother Jim may have a point in the Plan-B idea....If nothing else than for your own sanity, because your H doesn't seem to want to leave his new lifestyle.<P>Anyhoo....I didn't want you to think I was neglectin ya <P>Have a great day, in case no one has told....I love ya. <P>Bill