On the eve of Thanksgiving, I am thankful<BR>to be HERE, in this spot, with all that I know NOW that I certainly did NOT know before my divorce. Wisdom. It's grown and<BR>it's incredible! <BR>Also, I got the nicest surprise last week:<BR>a marriage proposal! I'd been married for 19 years, divorced in June of '99, moved out onto the "perilous" road of "dating again" at an "older age" (42 -- eeek!) and learned a lot.<BR>A HS classmate from way-back-when and I met again (actually for the first time) at our 25th reunion in May, heat and sparks and flame were there, and we pursued it.<BR>What did I say in response to the proposal?<BR>I said NO! And it was so great to be able to do that. From what I know of both of us, it would not have been a good idea. I am finally getting the 4-5 years of singlehood I promised myself more than 20 years ago (but didn't hold to) and I get to make some career changes, a geographic move and get to have fun and PLAY. He has his own life plan in mind -- actually, to fill the "wife" box he holds-- and I'd have to move to where he is (my hometown; cute but provincial, not many jobs in my field). Not a truelove/soulmate match at all. But 20 years ago,despite what it was or what I thought it was, I might have jumped at the offer of love and security. In fact, I did. Bad move. I spent 20 years compromising and not being happy with it. No more! The cool thing is that I feel I am picking up with/have recovered the forward-looking, sane, and happy psyche I had at age 17 and get to move on. I feel I've come through another "toll booth" on the Divorce Recovery Highway and I'm so happy!!

Wordvixen,<P>Your post gives me so much hope for the future. I am at the beginning of the divorce process - separation 3 days ago. I will likely relocate which means getting a new job. My husband couldn't let go of the Internet Woman so I asked him to leave. I deswerve better than this. You can't have your cake and eat it too. We can't go back to the happy years so it is time to go our separate ways. I just want to fast forward my life to the happy part down the road. I feel so overwhelmed at present. It's tough making decisions alone when you have made them together for years. It is a change in identity from a couple to a single - it's scary! <P>You are doing so great! There's hope for me.<BR>Keep posting - it gives me hope for a brighter future.<P>Best wishes to you.<P>God Bless.<P>Can't believe

Wow, can't wait for that to happen to me <P>It is so difficult looking at the future without the person all my plans revolved around. I still can't get used to being alone.<P>I think the hardest part for me is that she seems happy & has all kinds of new friends, and I'm still trying to get used to the fact that she's gone. Of course, today isn't the best day to try & reconcile myself to all this.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Just back from the beach where a group of us single people gathered for turkey dinner.<BR>Not too chilly AND while we feasted and visited, got to watch a few whales a few miles out play in the afternoon sun.<BR>One of the keys to getting to the other side is to -- when you are ready -- craft yourself a really GOOD life. It doesn't need to be expensive (I don't even WANT to look at a Lear Jet!) but it should be satisfying (lots of cheap ways to have fun -- witness turkey on the beach) and involve opening up doors to places you couldn't/wouldn't/didn't go when you were half of a couple. Believe me, my ex would NOT have appreciated even 10 minutes with a plate of turkey on the beach in November. I loved it! So find ways to satisfy, make happy and content, and open those doors.<BR>Believe me, I still have days when I feel crummy, ripped-off, cheated -- by my ex, by fate, by my own stupid decisions of over 20 years ago. But, on balance, I am in a far, far better place than I could have even imagined. Give it time and move out to meet your NEW LIFE!

Word Vixen,<P>Wow, thank you for sharing that. It is a great accomplishment to feel that secure with your goals and your dreams. Hurray for you!!!!!!!! <P>Are you guys going to stop seeing each other now?? <P>Good luck!!<BR>Dana<BR>

Doing the Happy Dance-- Dancing around the room. Dancing some more.<P>Congratulations, WordVixen. What a wonderful story. I'm thrilled for you!! <P><BR>

DanaB: When you asked "are you guys going to stop seeing each other now," I'm guessing you're referring to The Proposer, my HS classmate? <BR>The beautiful part is that when I checked some email on this past Friday night, there was an email from HIM. After our talk a week earlier, I wasn't sure when or IF I'd hear from him. He went off to Mpls. to spend the week with old law school classmates and have Turkey Day with them. Either he did a lot of good thinking or they all did a lot of good talking to and with him, but I was delighted to get his email, which said "Hey, I'm home. Hope you're OK. Call me!" I did call him and we got caught up a bit on his week and mine. I hope this bodes well and we can be friends -- good friends, famous friends, outrageous friends -- for the next 43 years, as we missed, really, the first 43 of our lives! <BR>; )