I lost my husband to an internet romance. He kept telling me it was over but I caught him communicating with her on the computer. It broke my heart. I forgave him for the infidelity and he promised to stop contact with her. I can never trust him again. He just lies and lies. I value honesty. I asked him to leave and I want a divorce. I deserve better than this. I deserve a husband who will love me as much as I love him. This has been the most painful experience of my life. We were married 27 years. I wish he would have told me he was unhappy in the marriage. Maybe we could have worked things out. People get over this painful experience and eventually are happy again. How can I speed up the process? I want to heal as quickly as possible. <P>Thanks for your comments. I only discovered this forum today and it is very helpful.<P>God Bless.

Can't Believe,<P>Welcome to MB. A few questions for you. Please don't misconstrue my intent. I only wish to learn so background and my questions may be quite pointed...<P>How long has your H (husband) been involved in his affair?<P>Did it turn physical?<P>Is he willing to work on your Marriage?<P>Why aren't you?<P>Have you concidered applying <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>?<P>Please I ask you to answer these questions in your own mind. This forum was ultimately started to save marriages...<P>I have been here for a year now. I can in a vain attempt to save my M. My W left me for another man, actualy he was a boy but I digress...I originaly went to the Infidelity board to gain insight and support to try to repair my wrecked home. I decided that after a time I nolonger had any love for my W and she wasn't comming back to me. Then I came to this board to seek solice from others going through divorce.<P>I suggest you learn as I did the whats and hows of infidelity a good place to atart is with the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> An Affair"(SAA)</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. The insight I learned from reading this helped me to understand.<P>If you do choose to divorce your H of 27 years then the good people on this forum will help you walk through it, by shareing experience, strength and hope. Should you decide to work out your M the good people on the Infidelity, General Questionsll board will do the same.<P>For your own sake I truly hope you have completely reconciled your decision in your own mind before you proceed on the feelings of betrayal, anger and hurt.<P>Above all else.....KEEP COMMING BACK HERE !<P>Bill<BR> <P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Bill my dear friend beat me to your post...<P>I too welcome you...<B>can't believe</B>...<P>Do check out my ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A>.<P> <P>Jim

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 05:07 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I, too lost my husband to an online affair....please heed the advice here..get the book William told you about..read it...<P>Search deep and if you still have feelings for your husband, you must make an attempt at saving your marriage. It can be done. We will all be here for you...<P>Internet affair seldom work. They are based on lies and 1 dimension. He may coem back to you if he sees hope in your marriage. Give him that chance, and if it doesn't work , then you can leavr the marriage without regrets. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Hanora,<P>Thanks for your reply. The internet person is a female who my husband has seen in person at least twice. It was physical. There are several problems in the marriage - midlife crisis, a drinking problem, and the infidelity. This is the third time we have separated. I can't have him coming in and out of my life. It is an emotional roller coaster. He says he is 50-50 - can't decide whether he wants her or me. I asked him to leave because I deserve better than what he can offer me. I need 100% commitment. This may not be the end. Some people get divorced and later remarry or live together. I am not counting on this. At this point, I want us to be free to be on our own and see what transpires. Likey we will both find a more compatible partner. The pain will heal in time. I think this is the best thing for us. At present, we can't live together. The last 3 months we have been together trying to make it work, I was fearful that any day he would leave me for her again. So now he is gone and I have to go it alone and heal and grow from the experience. <P>God Bless.

Hi can't believe,<P>Well you know what is best for you. But I would say not that you lost your husband to an internet romance but rather he lost you for a largely imaginary romance.<P>I still urge you to access the material at this site, it will help with your growing and perhaps the healing too.<P>Best wishes to you in this next phase of your life.<P>Take care.

Thanks Hanora and Sue,<P>I wonder, Sue, did you actually lose your husband to an internet affair? My husband is a mess right now. He really doesn't know what he wants. He probably is in a midlife crisis complicated by heavy drinking and the internet romance. But he is hurting me too much - I can't take it any more. What should I do - wait for the internet romance to die, which it probably will in time. At present, we need to be separated and probably move toward divorce. It is extremely painful but by divorcing him I will be free to pursue a new relationship with someone who can be honest and loving. <BR>God only knows what the future holds. <P>God Bless you all.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{can't believe,}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, it rings a bell because I put my ex wife and family through something similar to what you are going through.<P>You have twice mentioned heavy drinking and emotional behavior by your husband. Let me take it a step further. It is possible that this is also alcoholic behavior. Anything emotional that happens while under the influence of alcohol is not merely emotional behavior, it is drugged emotional behavior. If it is happening over and over, it means he is living that way. There is very little chance that he can deal in a healthy way with his mid life crisis while his brain is pickled with booze. If he doesn't deal with the alcohol problem first, he isn't likely to deal with the other problems either.<P>If alcohol is a problem, there is a good chance that it has affected the family as well, and that you may need to get help for yourself too.<P>The previous posts have referred you to some excellent articles by Dr. Harley. In addition, you may want to consider contacting an Al Anon family support group.<P>Bumper<P>

Cant Believe...<P>Good question...yes there were issues in the marriage, but he was a real conflict avoider, did drink too mach, and was going through a mid life crisis, so the affair was just a symptom of all the other stuff, I guess. <P>My point is that, while there are most likely major issues in a mriiage that trigger an affair, there is still hope for reconciliation if one so desires. <P>I did try to save my marriage, even with all the other issues. My feeling was perhaps the affair was a true wake up call for us, and if we were both willing, we could have worked together to make our marriage what we both wanted it to be. But it was not to be. <P>For me, I reached a point where I could have tolerated many other issues, but another woman was just the straw that broke the camels back for me. Once I was certain he was not going to give it up, after two years I moved on. <P>His affair did end. She dumped him and he is now sorry he ever got involved.But my love died for him, and I am ok now on my own. <P>------------------<BR>Susan