Just wanted thank all you men who post here. Hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving. Its because of guys like you that I do have faith that all men are not like my STBXH. Even though he has shown sides to his personality that I thought he could not possess (deception, deviousness and cowardice) I realize that because of your sensitive posts there are decent men out there. Hope when the time is right I meet someone like you guys.

Thanks B'ington.<P>It's nice to know that there are some girls out there who like nice guys, cause I sure hope to meet a girl like that sometime...<P>Just had Thanksgiving dinner with my STBXW & some of her relatives, and it was pretty tough. It was really hard to keep my smile on while she's laughing & chatting & having a great time. It felt like someone stuck a chainsaw in my chest.<P>Anyhow, I'm glad that's over & hope I NEVER have to do that again.<P>Take care & hope you had a pleasant Turkey day...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Hear Hear!!! I agree... you guys restore my faith in men. <P>What a wonderful service you provide, in helping all of us ladies keep hope that there are some Great Guys out there for us to find. Maybe you guys could set up a school.... and teach other's how to be so wonderful.<P>Smooches,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Set up a school and encourage competition? I think not. I'm afraid there's already too many "good" guys out there already. <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

I agree with cooker, encourage guys to be nice? Nah.....speaking as a nice guy, I like the league I'm in......we are a tough breed and in most cases have earned the reputation of being nice because we've had to take some much crap.....anyway, glad to hear there are women out there that still want us "nice" guys. It gives us hope that being nice is worth it.

Of course, I was just assuming I was one of them <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Jax & Nick (and the others here).....<BR>You guys are in a class by yourselves! There is no competition for you .<P>Love ya,<BR>Flutterby

I agree Barrington and Butterfly,<P>I was talking with my Mum the other day, and we were talking about a beautiful frock I have. I said that I would have the same dress made again, but this time in white to use as my next wedding dress...<BR>My mum commented that it was so nice that I could think of marriage again in nice terms.<P>I don't look back on my marriage as miserable or awful. Most of it was wonderful. And it gave me 2 of the most precious things that I have in my life - my 2 girls.. I don't know what went wrong, and probably never will know, but I don't hate him, and I didn't hate my marriage.<P>And 'meeting' men like you guys reinforces my opinion of marriage. There are so many decent, loving people out there. I think the trick is to hook up with someone who suits, and someone who has the same values, morals and ideas as you.<P>Any one of you men would suit me fine...... now, about where to meet........<P>just joking.................<P>We can't tar and feather all men and women with the same brush that our spouses seem to have been tarred and feathered with. Yep, they deserve it......but WE don't. I don't want to be put in the same category as a WS just because I'm a woman. I'm not a WS, and don't think I ever will be. I'm sure you won't be either. <P>Anyway, that's off the track, as is usual for me, sorry.<P>I just wanted to let you all know that I think you're all pretty wonderful too.....<P>Happy thanksgiving to you all<P>Jo xxxxx<P><BR>ps I had an American guy on my flight tonight, and he wished ME a happy thanksgiving holiday. It brought back memories of the thanksgiving we were in the States, 3 years ago. We were in Santa Monica, and our 18 month old (at the time) was terrified of all the costumes (skeletons etc) So many happy memories........aaahhhhhh<P>

Well, nice guys make mistakes too, just remember that nice guys apologize early and often, try harder, learn more, and persevere longer.<P>And everyone's H was a nice guy at one point, <P>but thanks anyway, if I can be in the club?<BR>where is the application? do i need a resume?<P>tom

Hi Bonnet....Jo,<BR> I heard that those Californians can get a little weird......but costumes on Thanksgiving?????<P>All the best to everybody!<BR>Bill

Wow....here I always thought that nice guys finished last and home alone <P>You ladies have restored my faith in the gentle gender! Thanks <P>Bill<p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited November 24, 2000).]

I just have to say you guys are the best!!!<P>What wonderful companions you guys would make, having gone through what you all have, and knowing the MB principles and are ready to use them....<P><P>------------------<BR>Susan

Nice post Barrington!<P>WilliamJ,Bob,Jim,Tim,Tom <P>The ones who were here before me and have shared and grown so much this past year and always taken time to reply<P>Nick,Jax,Jay, and unfortunately some other new guys I have left out,<P>I agree with Sue, someday you'll all make someone very happy. <P>hugs,Dana<P>PS To the ladies, I've dated 3 "nice guys" this year. They really are out there and once you meet one, you find certain qualities in them that make the others even easier to spot!!! Even though the first 2 I miss, I think I am right where I'm supposed to be now.<P>I would not have bothered trying if it weren't from the wonderful people here on this site.<P>Hugs again <BR>Now its the holiday season, can't we all just GET ALONG for one month!!

I'm intrigued. You can "spot" a nice guy? Is it a look? A behavior? A really cute roadster? <P>Maybe I just need to get a "nice guy" sweatshirt to wear to the store <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again<p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited November 26, 2000).]

To the nice guys: if any of you ever pass through Ventura County, California e-mail me and I'll buy you a beverage of your choice. My treat! Thanks for being you,<BR>patalp@hotmail.com Had a nice Thanksgiving - tough though first holiday being single - STBXH was with his OW/fiancee and our 11 yo D

Well gals,<P>Let me say "right back at you". The women here on the site have helped me get through some tough times and difficult decisions. Sharing is such a great thing. I can only hope I helped you all just a fraction of what you have given to me.<P>As for how to spot "good guys"? Easy - they are honest right from the start.<P>We are out here - I promise!<P>Mike

Hey Barrington! How bout a club soda with a spleash of sour mix and a dribble of bitters <P>Then Shirley temples are just too sweet! LOL<P>Bill

Yes - I guess there is hope!!! Unfortunately, I have not yet met any of the "nice guys" (single) yet!! They must be out there somewhere...<P>Someone mentioned that even our H's were nice guys at one time. I certainly thought my ex-H was. So what could have changed? Did his selfishness eventually cause him to be not nice? Or was he just "not nice" to me anymore because he decided he didn't want me anymore? Was he only pretending to be a "nice guy" as long as everything went his way, and once it no longer did, become Mr. "Not so Nice"? If only I knew the answer. When I met my (now ex-)H, I thought he was the kindest, most gentle man I had ever met. How could I have been so wrong? Or, how could he have changed so much? I guess I will never understand how someone can treat the person they married, someone who did nothing but love them and try to make them happy so shabbily. I guess getting involved with OW had a lot to do with it. Once they are with OW, they can throw you away so much more easily.

Lady M,<P>we have to look at both ourselves and our X's for why the implosion. I realize that certain behaviors, but also values are to blame for us. not using POJA was a big stumbling block, a big change in my work status, and my becoming dissatisfied,<BR>and mentioning it, though not using the right ways, didn't help. so look inward, and be certain you understand your contribution.<P>you never know, and I certainly don't remember your story, but your part of the <BR>divorce could be still keeping eligible men away, unless you have eliminated the offending behavior. and I mean this with support, not criticism.<P>but don't get discouraged, mine was a blind date kind of introduction, and it is sure different, way different, but i took a risk.<P>You may have to also take a risk and venture out where you have never previously, and maybe even ask a guy out yourself instead of just waiting. I know, i took a risk, but I thought it was a calculated one with no expectations at the start. I just got pleasantly lucky.<P>hang tough, get into high circulation.<P>a divorced woman friend of mine just joined Lunch Dates, where they profile you, and they match up profiles, and then you both agree, and you have an hour somewhere. For X amount of money you get x number of dates, and she is scared to death. I tried to give her a boost of confidence, telling her she can't loose, you have to practice, practice, practice until it becomes easy. Yeah, you might meet some losers, but hey, they are just for practice, and use a measuring stick for Ms. perfect!<P>get out now, and get out alot!<P>WIFTTy

WIFTTy - Thanks for your reply. I guess some people have to get nasty or wait until they no longer care so they can detach more easily. My H apparently wanted to leave (he says) for 10-12 years before he did, and treated me shabbily for at least the last 7-8 years. I confronted him many times, asked him to go with me for counseling, but he refused. It was my fault for taking his bad behavior for so long, but not my fault that he continued to behave badly. I gave up my needs in order to try to meet his, which, of course, did not work, along with the fact that he demanded things of me that I realistically could not give. I am now just beginning to feel like I have my own life back, and I'm not sure if I am ready for another serious relationship yet. Being on my own has been a very good thing - it has helped me to reclaim my sense of self. It would be nice to have a "social" relationship, but most guys are not willing for a relationship to be platonic for any longer than they deem necessary (read: 3 dates or so!) I was with my H for almost 20 years, and the thought of being with another man is still very alien to me. I wish I would have found this site before we separated, but I don't know if even the POJA would have helped my marriage - my H thought only his needs and wants mattered. When I asked him why he never considered my feelings or needs concerning a certain issue, his reply was "Why should I have to?" His view was obviously the only one that counted, and when I would not think, act, or feel the way he thought I should, he withdrew from our marriage, denying that anything was wrong, and eventually had two affairs, the last OW being the one he left me for and is now married to.<P>I do, though, hope in the future to find someone who is trustworthy and honest. I am not really out looking right now, but if life happens to bring someone into my life that fits that description, I would definitely consider taking a chance. Right now I am definitely too busy with other things, and am not sure I have totally healed yet, and would not want to cause hurt to someone else that I might get involved with. But I do have hope for the future!!<P>P.S. If you would like to read my story it can be found on this thread: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/001168-2.html</A> - titled "Anyone been here?" posted by Still Praying.<P>[This message has been edited by Lady M (edited November 28, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Lady M (edited November 28, 2000).]