I am a new poster so please bare with me. I have spent the last two weeks reading the posts of others here in MB and finally have the nerve to add my situation to the mix. I recently (six weeks ago) discovered my wife of 15 years had been having an affair for at least a year emotionally and four months physically. She now professes undying love and devotion and wants one more chance. She works with OM and continues to talk with him. She says they only talk about business and that she was ending the affair before I discovered it anyway. After all the lies, deceit and cheating it seems the woman I married no longer exists. Its as though my wife died and left in her place a lying cheater who now professes love for me and wants to spend her life with me. My question is how do I learn to love a woman who I know to be a liar and a cheater that I can't and shouldn't trust to be a wife for me and a mother to our three children.

Sick inside,<BR>Welcome. You will find some wonderful, helpful friends here. Have you read the information on the site? That might be a place to start. I also suggest the book "Surviving an affiar", wonderful information.<P>------------------<BR>You are in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>* Viki

It can be done. <P>There is some wonderful advise and support here. <P>I am doing what you ask to my husband and he wasn't even sure he ever wanted to be my husband again. He had said he would have left if it hadn't been for our teenage daughter. <P>I love him deeply and know he is a good person who made a terribly wrong choice. <P>After 6 months we seem (keeping my fingers crossed here and praying) that we are headed in the right direction.<P>Read the book Surving An Affair and also After the Affair. I will warn you though that After the Affair shook me for the first half of the book.<P>By the way my husband and I have been married nearly 16 years and his affair was at least 1 1/2 years long. He also works with her. They talk occassionally and it drives me crazy. Mostly they don't talk anymore.<P>See if wife will leave her job. That is the best. See if she will read the books with you. Go to a marriage counselor.<P>Above all pray and get closer to God. Go to church together if you can. Try not to be judgemental.<P>You will be prayed for daily. By many of us I am sure.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Sick Inside:<P>What now? Now you learn how to go on with life. Read everything you can about affairs. Read what Dr. Harley has to say on this site. Read Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley; read After the Affair by Janice Abrams-Spring; read other books about affairs.<P>TALK to your wife about your feelings. TALK to close friends about your feelings.<P>MOST IMPORTANTLY, find a good counselor and go to couples counseling. I can't tell you how helpful it is. My wife and I wouldn't have made it this far (6 months and counting since revelation) if it hadn't been for our counselor. I've heard many here say that phone counseling with Steve Harvey is great. I've never used it, but I've heard enough good stuff to say "give it a try."<P>I felt like I didn't know my wife after her affair either. But, it DOES come back. You just need to give it time and work EXCEPTIONALLY hard on it.<P>Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P><BR>

First,,Welcome to Marriage Builders and sorry you have a need to be here. I wish none of us needed this place. You will find alot of help here,,good suggestions and advice,,strong shoulders when you need one to cry on. The responses you have received so far are excellent. Read, read, read,,,,all parts of this site and all the books you can get ahold of,,go to your public library and clear them out of the relationship section. And get a counselor. It really does help. And post here,,all your questions and concerns. The help and input from different perspectives is magnificent. And above all,,pay attention to the responses. Really read and absorb the input from different people that have been there, especially if they've found some methods of rebuilding that have worked for them. I have been married for 30 yrs and we are in recovery now since discovery over 1 1/2 yrs ago. It is possible,,,not easy, ,,,but possible and well worth it. Our marriage is now better than I would have ever thought it could be 1 1/2 yrs ago. I know and understand the shock and hurt you are going through right now but please, believe me, it can get better. Hang in there and keep posting!!

Thanks for all the kind words of encouragement. It is nice to know that I am not alone. The W just called for the fourth time today just to say "I love you". Where was all this love when she sleeping with OM. She never professed love this way before. If I hadn't done a tap on the phone she would still be seeing OM. Sorry, just needed to vent. I love my kids and refuse to destroy their world. So I must find a way to put this all in perspective. Again, thanks for the feedback and allowing me to vent.