my divorce is final and I hate it. I wish I had never filed. my idea due to some really stupid reasons. we are going to a marriage councelor. I don't know if things will work out. he says he doesn't know what he wants. I just can't seem to be done with it. I can't get through a day without crying. I don't know how to deal with things the way they are. he makes me so confused. he 'says' one thing and yet he always hugs me, always tells me he loves me. am I stupid??? please tell me how to move on.

First of all Way Confused you are not stupid. Lets get that straight right now. I don't know your whole story but what I read in your post rings some similar calls to what I am going thru. You probably filed to protect yourself right? That is what I am guessing. So if that is the case yes, you do need to move on, if your spouse is not serious about working for the marriage. The good news is it does get better. If you are seeing a counselor, you may wish to go by yourself. To see why you feel the way you do. That way there is not the pressure of him being there, and you feeling uncomfortable with opening up. <BR>For me this was all too little too late in my spouses eyes. My w will not accept her responsibility in what has happened to our marriage, and what could be done to fix it. So I had no option but to file for divorce. That sucks. It does not sound like the two of you are in that spot, so I say let there be hope. For your own health go see a counselor, I had to go by myself. It will make you feel worlds better if you understand whats going on here for yourself. That's my .02 cents.<BR>Hang in there!

Welcome <B>way confused</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It is geared somewhat to the issue of "infidelity"... but can help so many more. It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>{{{hug}}}...<BR>you're not stupid...<BR>...but you are very hurt!<P>Learn about the concepts here...<BR>...move into a "growth" experience in you current and future relationships...<BR>...practice Plan A with the one(s) you love.<P>Moving on is through "forgiveness"...<BR>...the first step in letting go of hurt...<BR>...the beginning of a healthy release... a healthy voluntary "forgetting".<P>You're definitely not stupid...<BR>...I prayer for your hurt.<P> <P>Jim

way confused,<P>Not too sure where Skyhigh gets that you filed to protect yourself (no offense Skyhigh! ), but if your divorce is final and you are both still going to counseling together, it sounds like you both have some desire to stay together? Am I right here?<P>If you filed for divorce, then sure he is going to be leery of getting back together. Sure he may still love you, but how does he know that you just won't do this all over again? I know that is how I would feel if my wife comes back. What you are seeing is his confusion manifesting itself in his words and actions. One day he may act like he loves you, but the next day his brain may be telling him to "watch out" and thus he may pull away from you.<P>If you truly feel you made a mistake, then chances are you may in fact have made a mistake. I do agree with Skyhigh for you to see the counselor by yourself in addition to going with your X. If you still love him, tell him.<P>Just don't think that you saying you "think" you made a mistake will get any positive reaction from him. For that to happen you need to tell him you "KNOW" you made a mistake (and to truly admit that to yourself). He needs to be sure that you are not going to keep bouncing back and forth from one position to the other. Then and only then do I think he will begin to trust you again.<P>God Bless.<BR>Mike