I’m divorced.<P>I received a copy of the approved divorce decree in the mail today. My divorce was approved and finalized on 11/20/00. Neither my ex nor myself were notified of any court proceedings or hearings regarding this process. Her attorney was handling the process and she has failed to return any calls to either of us for the last 4 weeks.<P>Very weird. I at least expected to be notified of a tentative date prior to the finalization, but nothing.<P>I’m not sad. <BR>I’m not numb.<BR>I’m not upset.<BR>I’m not angry.<BR>I’m not depressed.<BR>I’m not feeling much of anything except for indifference.<P>I guess maybe I’m well on my way to recovery here.<P>What a GREAT feeling <BR>

{{{Jayhawk}}}<P>Recover well, my friend! I hope I can say the same when mine is final.<P>Lori

HI Jayhawk,<BR>Just be careful, denial is not a river in Egypt. <P> Mine was in July and I felt a little like you do now. THAT CHANGED!!! A REAL honest to goodness rollercoaster!! <P> You know, if you cut off a limb, it feels JUST like that. Your body goes into shock (so I heard ONLY thank GOD!) <BR> Anyway, be careful.. GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK

Wow,<P>I don't know what to say. I'm sure it was shocking to get something like that out of the blue.<P>I'm very sorry to hear that it's really over Jayhawk. Even though we all know it's coming eventuallly, I suppose almost all of us hope that they'll change their mind and stop this.<P>Take care of yourself buddy. I'll be thinking of you today.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

{Jayhawk 93},<P>I'd have to second what Frank says...<BR>...he is a voice of experience.<P>Divorce is always painful...<BR>...even if you don't feel the pain right now.<P>Growing and improving yourself is the only way to get through it all.<P>You're on the way!<P> <P>Jim

{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}<P>I totally second what c00ker says. I don't know what to say: I'm sorry, partly, and congratulations, partly. It must have been very surprising to hear the news like you did, and I'm sure it's quite a stunner to know it is really over for good. I'm sure you are virtually numb from the shock<P>Well, we all love ya here, and we'll be here for ya whatever may come along. When you start feeling something, you know where to come. Otherwise, I think I'll have a drink for you and toast your future.<P>{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I think the "I'm sorry, Congratulations" is fitting now.... you've reached the point where at least something is definate. <P>Since I changed my name back, and had to make the changes, everyone asked me if I'd gotten married.... I'd say, No, divorced... Everyone would say they were sorry, and my reply was "Why, I'm not.". And for the most part it was true.<P>It may sneak up on you, and when/if it does, know that we are here for you. <P>Smooches,<BR>Busty

Jayhawk93<P>Just wanted you to know "there is life after divorce" and the healing is a process.<P>My divorce became final on March 14th of this year and we would have been married 34 years this July.<P>Divorce in many ways is worse than death and just wanted you to know...I feel for you my friend.<P>You will come through this and hopefully be a sadder but wiser man....<P>[censored] from Texas

Jayhawk,<P>Congratulations on the beginning of a new life with experience and wisdom from which to go to the next level!<P>tom

{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}<P>I know that it seems that you are doing okay right now with this, but I also know just how hard this is and that it can sometimes can creep back up on you and get you when you are not expecting it. You just make sure that you take care of yourself first and foremost!!! And always remember that we are always here for you.<P>Congratulations, and I am sorry. Yoiu have gone through the worst of it and things can only get better from here! <P>Java

((((((((((Jayhawk))))))))))<P>I'm so sorry - I'm so glad. Both.<P>I knew when x and I went to court but nothing was signed that day. Nearly three months later I got my papers in the mail saying I'd been divorced for six weeks. Such a weird feeling. <P>And talk about feelings. You probably aren't through with the roller coaster ride yet. You'll feel a lot more stuff. It will come and go. Anger, sorrow, joy, lots of stuff.<P>But now you can heal!<P>((((((((((Jayhawk))))))))))<BR>

Jayhawk,<P>I'm so sorry - that was so fast! I don't know if that makes it easier or not.<P>I've always thought that your wife will regret this.<P>But you have a good outlook, you will heal. <P>Take care. <BR>

Wow!<P>Thanks for the support everyone. I kind of forgot how quick everyone responds out here I'd like to thank all of you for your thoughts and well wishes. I really am doing ok with this, at least so far.<P>I'm just looking forward to moving on with my life now. Although it is painful for me to read other posts with so much pain and heartache, I do plan on sticking around out here for a while. I have received such good advice over the past few months and have made some very close friends as a result. I hope to return that advice to others if needed.<P>Thanks again and I love you all.<P>Soaring ever higher, <BR>Jayhawk

Jayhawk,<BR>Just wanted to put my two cents in as well, I'm sorry, but I don't know if congratulations is the term I'd use. If it were me, and it soon will be, I guess I'd be a little offended by that. Congratulations for what? Sticking it out? Not going insane? Saying that you weren't the one to cave? Then maybe, but in all honesty, my heart felt sympathies and my best wishes for recovery. Take it easy man. See you on the other boards. Jax<p>[This message has been edited by Jax (edited November 30, 2000).]

{{{{{{{{Jay}}}}}}}<P>I'm happy to hear you are feeling well. Thats great. A word of caution, you still will have some down days and triggers. We'll be here when you do. <P>Read your post on the ornaments too. Didn't have a lot of time, but I am surprised by all the "holiday" threads.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Jayhawk,<P>Sorry I'm late...<P>I have no experience to share as I just sent in my papers today....45 days til the end!<P>I'm feeling indifferent right now but I am sure that will go up and down...<P>All I know is to keep plowing through the feelings....the other side is within reach!<P>Bill<BR><P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Be strong guy!<P>Mike

I am not sure whether to congratulate your or offer condolences. I suppose both would be appropriate.<P>I haven't been around for a while (you know that ). My final hearing was on Tuesday, the 28. I had been wildly distracted by my new dating partner who basically swept me off my feet, but now I am coming down thanks to the holiday, the fact that he (my ex) is living with an 18 year old college freshman, and my irrational insecurities regarding this new guy. I am very glad to hear that you are accepting of this. I believe that is the attitude that will help the most. <P>I think PH is right. Be careful. I believe that despite my current indifference and acceptance, there will be (and has been recently) more emotional setbacks. My latest (if you can believe this) is that I am missing his conversation skills and personality. I am wondering what I did wrong and how I could let "the man of my dreams" get away from me. Now, you know a bit of my tale, and I think I needed a stiff drink and a kick in the tush after I said that to myself. But it is still something that I am struggling with. <P>Good luck. I do believe that the healing begins a while down the road.

Jayhawk:<P>Well, it was fast. My divorce was very fast too. I felt very sad but also very relieved.<P>As everyone else has said already, be prepared for the triggers. They hit you unexpectedly. I find the movies the hardest. <P>But, I'm glad to hear you are doing ok with all of this.<P>Take care,<P>Jen<P>GSD:<P>Sounds like you are me. Reading your post was like reading about my current situation. <BR>I think I have a handle on everything and then I start thinking the craziest things about my x. <P>Cooker:<P>I agree that there is a part of us that always thinks the other will change their mind and want back. Of course, that is what everyone told me when my x first left. He hasn't but it hasn't been that long either. See! I still have this ounce of me that thinks that might happen. But, I know that if it did, it would never work out. But, I hate that I haven't been able to completely close the door on this. Do we ever get to the point when we can move on without this lingering in our minds?<P>

Hi Jayhawk,<P>sorry I'm late.<P>Boy do I relate. I've been officially divorced 30 hours now. I don't feel anything. WilliamJ gave me a hug which started the tears, but they are the first since it happened yesterday.<P>I keep thinking to myself that the rollercoaster ride is over now. Somehow I think I'm kidding myself......<P>But at least we can move on now. They aren't coming back, and they made that decision.<BR>We will be better and stronger people (eventually) for all of this. And we will know why one day too......<P>I too wonder if I should be here now. But I need you guys at the moment, and probably will for some time yet. Please don't leave us, you contribute so much. We can go through this together. I often wonder exactly what men feel and think about emotional things. My ex-h was very uncommunicative where feelings where concerned. Maybe you can help me with my thinking that "men feel nothing".....<BR>Deep down I know it's not true, and god knows, I know it's not true from all of you here. I guess I just have him to judge by.<P>take care of you, and big hugs for you<P>Jo