I haven't been to this site in ages. Can't even remember what my original username was!<BR>I met H on the internet about 3 1/2 years ago. It all seemed to click..so, when he asked me to marry him, I didn't hesitate to say yes. We were married within 7 months.<BR>Before our first anniversary, H had his first "fling". That I know of. We worked thru it and seemed to be mending. A few months later, he slept with my best friend. Hm...I wasn't sure if we could survive that, but, I believed in fighting for the marriage, so I did.<BR>The problem was, he did not have the desire to. <BR>About a year and a half ago, we moved back to my home state. I needed my family! H had turned out to be a cold fish. No affection..no attention...no loving. We didn't make love...we had sex, pure and simple. I ranted, raved, begged, groveled...pleading with him to get counseling to save the marriage. Everytime, he refused, saying counseling didn't work.<BR>Last year, I got pregnant. When I told him, he accused me of doing so on purpose. To be honest, I can't tell you if I did or not. I know I wanted a baby...but, I've always wanted kids! Anyway, the going was rough. I started to miscarry and was put on complete bedrest. The only physical activities I was allowed to do was go from the bed to the couch to the bathroom and back. I thought for sure that, if he loved me, he would take care of me.<BR>He would come home from work and fix himself some dinner, do HIS laundry and watch tv before going to bed. Finally, I said, "H, you know I am not supposed to be doing this stuff (laundry, cooking, etc). Would you help out a bit?" His response? "you wanted the kid, you deal with it".<BR>Ok. What to do? I stupidly thought that once the shock wore off, he'd get better. But, unlike every other expectant father that I've had the priviledge to know, H refused to get involved. There were no back rubs, no patting my belly, no talking to the baby, nothing. No affection...absolutely no attention. He even went to the bars every weekend...to have time to himself, he said.<BR>The baby was born 6 weeks early and spent the first week of his little life in NICU...hooked up to a respirator. What did H do? He went to play golf.<BR>Ok...fast forward. Labor Day weekend. Son & I spent part of the weekend with my parents at their 2nd home. Had a nice time...relaxed...talked to my parents about my concerns regarding the marriage. Drove home...to find a message on the answering machine to H from my former best friend! Enough was enough! <BR>I finally decided that I could not live like that anymore! I was so unhappy...depressed...you name it! In that state of mind, I couldn't have been a good mommy to Baby!<BR>I went to a counselor. She was wonderful! After I told her the entire story, leaving nothing out...even my actions over the 3 years of the marriage, she helped me to realize that I had suffered emotional, psychological, financial and sexual abuse at this man's hands! She helped me to realize what a manipulator he was and is!<BR>I found a great lawyer and filed for divorce! What a liberating experience that was! <BR>What I don't get now is why he is all of a sudden in love with me...wants me back...adores the Baby??? I know it's just his way of keeping in control of the situation. And I also know I don't want him back!! I lived in Hell for 3 years...I couldn't imagine doing it for 10 or 20!! <BR>Why are some people like this??? Why do they not love? I don't think I'm high maintenance...I just wanted someone to love, respect, laugh with! <BR>No...after all that, I am not put off by marriage. My parents have been married for 36 years. I KNOW what a REAL marriage should be like!<BR>My counselor said to me that the sad thing is, I will be forever scarred by this man. I will have a difficult time reaching for another man's hand...for fear that he will pull away. I will have a difficult time initiating sex...for fear of rejection. <BR>She also helped me realize that I have a history of choosing men like this. How do I break that?? Will this be the lesson that turns it all around?<BR>All I know right now is I have an adorable son that I love with all my heart...and a pile of bills that he refuses to help pay! How can I provide for my Baby...and why does he claim to love the baby if he refuses to help me with bills that HE helped rack up?? Doesn't he realize that by refusing to help out, it takes away from what I can give to the Baby??<BR>Has anyone ever been thru this?? And how did you survive?? I think I'm doing an okay job...I'm finding the old me that's been hiding and dusting her off...<BR>I just want to know that I'm not the only one who has fallen for the totally wrong person!! <BR>Sorry for babbling!