<BR> Greetings and salutations to all my fellow basket case friends.......<BR> Met with a " no-bull**** " counsellor last night who I really seem to like. Gave me tons of great insight and the kick in the [censored] that I think I needed to stop moping and start moving. He recomended Dobson's advice right now , stop fighting it , limit all contact except for the kids and work on ME....as long as her emotional attraction is in another place and no one but her can stop it , this is pretty much a futile battle. Why fight , she will eventually see what she is doing ( I know she is already ) and all she has to lose with this divorce. I need to work with the two loves of my life ( the children ) and be the best friggin " tossed aside " Dad I can be , concentrate on getting my buisness back on track and stop worrying about her search for romance....<P><BR> ( This is going to be harder than it sounds )<P><BR> Life sucks , than everybody gets abducted by aliens.......

Gary,<BR>Yes it does feel better when a person feels like they have a little control over situation,(limited contact).Your main goal is to remain married to your wife tho,not for you to feel comfortable.<BR>I have read books by different authors,and I am as confused as ever.I pray for Gods guidance to show me the right way.I can not ,and would not advise you on how to proceed.Will pray for God to Guide you.<P> Take care,Beth N

Remember my car analogy?<P>Working on a broken marriage is like working on a broken car. If all the car has is broken parts, you can't fix the car unless you fix the individual parts first. Likewise, you can't fix a marriage if you don't fix the people first.<P>Congratulations on finding someone you think will be helpful - and remember that the only person you can work on is yourself. No matter what the outcome, you can get through this. <P>Not everyone who posts here believes in God but I do and without his help and my therapists help, I would not have gotten through my divorce. Yup, Ann worked on some issues, Mona on others, but Phil did the most work. And then you have to add in the psychiatrist. Cost a bloody fortune but was well worth it.<P>And, as the man I dated over the summer said, my exhusband was a fool.<BR>

Hope you don't mind if I jump in here...This am my H was served divorce papers. He has been out of the house for five months, and I could no longer his verbal abuse. He called to inform me he won't be giving me any money for anything so basically he backed me into a cornor. He went out a rented a $900.00 a month apt....Just got up and walked out..I tried everything to make the marriage work, I love him very much..However, I am following Dobson, even if this is what it takes. After making the decision, I feel like ten tons were taken from me..I even feel better about myself..I can now go on with my life, not be lonely, and find new friends. By no means am I ready to date, nor do I want to. After all the crap he has done and told me, I really need some fun in my life. I am so tired of babysitting H, I need to look out for myself. This will be hard, don't get me wrong, but I have the rest of my life to be content and happy. If this is what it takes, I'm willing to go through it. All I have heard is lie upon lie, infact he is living a lie...I have a lot of empathy for him...In every part of his life he is making wrong decisions. But he will have to live with them. They keep back firing on him, and he just keeps plugging away. Now H can have his A with the women in Germany, and not feel guilty about it. It's been a real good year for him..A with o/w, in the physch ward for 7 days, mothering dying, and now the big D...He has such a good track record. I am happy, and sad...the good out weights the bad, I am going to a support group and I know that will help tons.<P>Have a happy life...do what you think is best and listen to your counselor...<P>Kathie

Well, bud, congrats on finding a counselor you hit it off with! I'm also glad to hear that the counselor gave you some sound advice. The one thing that Mike (SoTired) and I agree on, though, is it's not so much "letting go" of the spouse--it's "grabbing on" to yourself. Become the best man you can be, Gary. If the thyroid meds are evening out your moods, start living that calm, even-tempered life. Become the best father you can be, and think of your children and their best interests. Do what you know in your heart is best for them. And regarding your spouse, it's not so much "letting go" as it is loosening the grip. Maintain your integrity and your morals, and behave in a way that makes you proud, and if she chooses to act differently, allow her to suffer the consequences of her actions. <P>I'm glad to hear you're going to work on you, though. You deserve it!! <P>{{{{{Gary}}}}}<P>CJ, the chick<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.