Below, I've included an email from my ex-husband. He talks about projection and I don't understand the point. Can someone interpret it for me?<p>Since he hasn't said anything about reconciling, I don't see the point in calling him to ask for clarification. However, I am curious as to what he's talking about.<p>Here it is:<p>*******<br>Hi, I know you probably threw my contact info away for a reason, and you never asked for it, but just in case you were interested in maintaining it, I would feel better thinking that you have a way to reach me. <p>I would like to think that you would keep my info around because I want to feel that if you ever needed help, you could call on me. But I've also come to grips with the fact that much of my trying so hard to "do the right thing" or "be there for you" has been just so much projection of my own desperate need to feel that I had someone who would be there for me. And I suppose that my need, which I projected onto you and which has been so hard for me to admit, was what made me abandon my promises to you. So maybe there is an element of projection, and an element of looking for an opportunity to do something to wash away a little of how guilty I feel for choosing selfishly, so I would understand your severing the lines between us. Just know I'm feverishly wishing the best for you and hoping that you didn't believe a darn thing I ever said in criticism of you. You are strong, beautiful, and blameless and I hope you forgive me for ever making you doubt it.<br>

iamlovable:<br>I re-read some of your previous posts so I could remember your story and this email confuses me based on what you've told us.<p>The section mentioning projection appears to indicate that he feels he has tried very hard to be someone you can depend on - maybe too hard - and that he thinks he tried so hard because he wanted to be able to depend on you but felt he couldn't. Projection usually indicates perceiving in someone else characteristics that are your own. So I think he is saying that he is a dependant person, a needy person and may have tried to make you out to be the needy one as he "projected" that characteristic onto you.<p>Did that make any sense? I hope so.<p>Then he goes on to say that he feels this is the reason he had gone back on his promises to you ... it sounds as if he's been in counseling or done some soul searching. It also sounds as though he's acknowledging that you are not responsible for the things that separated you and that he is trying to deal with the fact that you threw away his address and phone number ... he seems to perceive this as possibly you severing the final ties between the two of you. Additionally, he is apologizing for saying bad things about you and hoping you will forgive him.<p>This sounds pretty positive to me. I would call him ... he has no reason, based on what I see here, to believe that you would be willing to reconcile because of your having tossed his address in the trash, so he probably would not mention reconciliation. I would say that this email message is from a person who cares a great deal about you and I would take the opportunity to call him.<p>Just my opinion and I am not any kind of counselor or anything, so take it from whence it comes...<p>terri

Thanks for the reply. The reason that it is confusing is because my ex-h has a different view of reality. In his mind, "he was there for me" -but he truly wasn't in the way that I needed (the way that most women need their husbands). I couldn't count on him for protection, emotional or financial support. <p>I emailed my ex-h asking for clarification. His response indicated that he was apologizing, because "he realized that during the relationship his criticism was an attempt to mold me into the person he wanted". He told me that "I don't fit the suit". Basically that means I am not what he wants.<p>However, he says that he did love me. His email also went on to say that "no matter how we try to convey information to one another, it's like we're both in completely separate worlds -we just don't understand each other". He also says that "I was not there for him in the way he wanted". I have no idea what he wanted and his email didn't explain. Of course, I probably wouldn't have understood it anyway.<p>However, asking for clarification gave me more information as to why my marriage failed.<p><br>Thanks for helping me.