Wouldn't it be nice if adultery was a crime with punishments again. A thing of disgust and loathing in the community.<P>It is the only act I know of which causes such pain to others which, not only goes unpunished, but is many times rewarded by our court systems.<P>I was so hurt by my wife's infidelity, and still am, that the emotional pain rivals that which is experienced when a loved one dies. Except when a loved one dies it is a one time event which happens and is final. Infidelity never goes away, even if it stops.<P>how is it possible that one person can inflict such pain on another and receive no punishment? Is there no justice in this area? the breakup of my family tore apart my dreams and shattered my hopes. For someone like me who placed family above all else on this earth, I can say that it has ruined my life. Yet I must pay this person each month a huge sum of money so she can live in a spacious two bedroom aparment while I must rent a 10 x 10 room out of a house in order to make ends meet. This is unfair. This is outrageous.<P>Is there no recourse? Is there really no justice? I am sick of this life. And I get angrier with each check I sign and each time I see her uncaring, smug attitude. I feel I am about to burst and I'm afraid of what I might do if/when that happens.<P>Anybody else overcome this? I have decided to seek counseling for this but I thought someone else might have some words of wisdom to pass along.

I know exactly what you mean. My W is in the middle of an EA and wants to file for a D after Christmas. We have 2 wonderful children. My family has been my life, it is what I lived and worked for. I don't even get a vote in this, it truly sucks!<P>Ran

My x has several EAs and decided he had a chance to be happy and he was afraid not to take it. So, he goes out and ends the marriage. And I ended up having to give him more money than he gave me in alimony and I had no job. But, I had to pay off the debts ($27K)and give him $15K in order to get a quitclaim deed to the house. <P>Yeah, ain't it great sometimes. But I am better off without him.

My ex took a loss financially, but obviously felt at the time, the divorce was going to be all worth it....<P>well now that it`s almost over, he is looking back, as he did with his first wife/divorce, (being I was his second wife/divorce) and is hating me even more, (as he did his first ex) every time he has to write and send me a check.. you see, to him, his loss is only the money.. he has no concients or remorse for what he has done emotionally to me, or our daughter..<P>But he *is* now paying big time for what *he* chose to do to our family, so I`m sorry if this sounds vindictive, but I`m glad his loss was greater then what he had exspected.. because all of this money, can never make up for the devastating loss he put all of us through.. never..<P>yes, I agree.. their should be consequences to pay, for adultry...<P>AV

hopefull_1,<P>It sounds like you may be focusing too much on your anger. Keep in mind that the anger you have towards her is doing yourself more harm than good. It is only natural for you to experience anger when you first find out about an affair, but as time goes by you need to begin to forgive (she doesn't need to know that you forgive her if you don't think she deserves it - the important part is that you know). <P>Let me throw out my $.02 to think about:<P>1) You are divorced. She is moving on with her life (or at least trying to). You on the other hand are focusing on your anger. Do you think it bothers her that you are still mad? She wakes up and goes about her way each day, do you think she ponders your anger? You on the other hand probably think about how mad you are daily. It may come at you when you least expect it and ruin, what may be an otherwise pretty good day. In effect you are still letting her infidelity hurt you and your life.<P>2) If you look at it from a religious standpoint - we are not hear to judge. Simply put "you without any sin, be the first to cast a stone". I am sure that over your life you have upset some people, maybe seriously, maybe not. But none-the-less I don't think there is one of us out here that can say we have never "hurt" someone else. And think how many times daily we dissappoint God? And still we are forgiven.<P>Don't know if you have religion in your life - if you don't then the second part of my reply probably doesn't mean much. But even if you don't, know that the anger you have is yours alone. It will eat you up inside. But the only way to rid yourself of the anger is to forgive.<P>Mike

It would be nice if everyone was "perfectly moral" but no one is.<P>What I'd really like is a time machine so my STBX could look into the future and make sure that what she is doing is really going to be worth all the pain she is causing now.<P>I'm sorry you are having to go through this. It's not fair, and it's not right, and unfortunately you are the one being punished.<P>Somehow I know I'll get over this, and I suspect you will too. It just takes time.<P><BR>Take care...<P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again