<BR>Okay, I feel better now -- I just needed to get this off my chest .<p>[This message has been edited by slowlerner (edited February 16, 2000).]

slowlerner,<p>It might have felt good to give her the cold shoulder for a change, but what if she was making a first step at reconcilliation? <p>When my husband and I split after I felt I had done more than enough "chasing", he went to the OW. When he realized his mistake and wanted to talk, I was too angry and gave him the cold shoulder. We divorced. It took 8 years for us to start talking again. Once we started, we couldn't stop. We both realize now the mistakes we made then and we have become much closer. We will be re-married on Thursday. <p>I'm no expert, but I think any gesture - no matter how small - should be accepted.

Yep.<p>[This message has been edited by slowlerner (edited February 16, 2000).]

slowlerner,<p>I think you should have talked to her. Believe me I know how slighted you felt. I also know how humiliating it is to feel rejected while you're chasing after your wife like a little puppy. It cultivates its own brand of resentment and internal rage.<br>But if you really want to see if you can restore your relationship you have to accept the fact that you'll be eating crow for a while. It's not fun and it feels so bad. But it's worth it if it can get you guys back on track. Now I'm not saying to do that indefinitely. If she never responds properly then you'll have to know when to stop. But it's something you can afford to do not only to get your family back to for the lessons you learn about yourself. I would try to set up another time when you can talk to them. If you have to apologize for not telling her the first time then do it, even if she made foolish contributions to why it didn't happen.<br>One thing that helped me when I felt like I was being humiliated too much was to think about all the things I did in the past to make my wife feel bad. When I thought about that it helped me remember that thngs didn't get bad over night and they wouldn't be solved over night either. I'm not saying to make yourself a doormat for her or to walk around acting like Cain in the old Kung Fu series. But for a time you have to be prepared to suffer a certain amount of degradation in order to get your family back. If you get them back it will seem like a small price to have paid. If you don't you'll know you did what you could, and that's all anyone can do.

Bruce<BR><p>[This message has been edited by slowlerner (edited February 16, 2000).]