My son let me know tonite that it bothered him that his mother wasn't here for his birthday and that she got married on his birthday too. He said things are so hard for him after the divorce.<P>I told him he needs to talk to her about it and tonite when she called he did. I couldn't hear her side of the story but she tried to split hairs with him and he caught her. She must have said something like she didn't get married "on" his birthday, but I heard him counter that it was around his birthday.<P>He also asked me if I was going to get married again. I said someday and asked him why. He said if I was married then things would be easier around here.<P>I talked to him tonite about going to counseling again, and he didn't want to. I may wait till after the weekend with his mother to try next week.

Bob, its very tough on kids, and keep up the conversation, or even get him to consider writing it down to his mom or to you, so he feels less pressured.<P>Find out what has been hard for him, he may be feeling guilt or definately blowing something out of proportion.<P>is he taking on too much responsibility?<BR>not from you but internally by himself?<P>is he struggling in school when he didn't used to?<P>keep talking gently and make sure he doesn't get the impression that he will get his mom in trouble, or cause any kind of stir with you.<P>he will have fears of abandonment out of this some how, i fear.<P>good luck.<BR>tom<BR>

HI OLD FRIEND,<BR> Sorry for your son's pain. It never ceases to amaze me how selfish the WS ca be. Your W is headed for a LARGE fall emotionally some day. I hope she knows a good shrink!! It took my W a whole WEEK to marry OM and a whole other week to realize she made a BIG mistake!! Now, she seems to be trying to find a "graceful" way out. OR she's going to try and "make the best of it" <BR> Well, hang tough and you as always are in my prayers. GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Hi Tom,<BR>My s is doing very well in school, in fact he says it is boring because it is so easy. He is very bright and gets in trouble in school for talking because he gets done so fast with everything and has nothing to do. I am going to talk to his teacher about what else can be done.<P>I think the weather is getting him down too. He wants to get out and play, but none of his friends seem to like the cold and tend to stay home.<P>I don't think I put pressure on him and I never ask him what goes on at his mothers. <P>Frank,<BR>Good to hear from you. How are you doing? I think my x will "try to make the best of it" too. I can't see how anyone can give up everything, marriage, job, kids, religion, friends and family for a person. I would imagine that the excitment will soon wear off. I can't imagine om/h's mother will keep buying them plane tickets to Fl so that will probably end too.

Counseling is good for the kids. Having a parent they can vent too, talk to and love is 100 times more important and your son has you! Feel good that he can open up to you.

Bob,<P>IMHO I think you handled that very well. You validated his feelings, by not saying something like, "Oh that shouldn't bother you." Instead you acknowledged that he did indeed feel bothered and you helped him work out a way of expressing it.<P>Even better yet, you did not take on a problem that was not yours. If he feels bothered about his mom, he needs to talk to HER about it, and you lead him in that direction. Good for you! You can see the fruits of your labor by the fact that he was not deterred when his mom split hairs with him. He's seeing through her story!<P>Last but not least, you offered him the option to go to counseling, giving him an opportunity to talk to a professional if he was getting too mired down in his feelings. Even though he said no, you might want to keep an eye on him and see if you need to gently guide him back to counseling.<P>You mentioned he's doing well in school, but that his friends don't like to play outside. Why don't you have a mini-party for a bunch of his friends and have them have munchies and play video games. Just a "hang out together" party. Order a couple pizzas, rent a video that is the latest hot release, and just let him have some fun hanging with his friends. It might be a minor holiday funk, and having some fun with his buds might make him feel better. <P>Holiday hugs {{{{{Bob}}}}}<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.