Gary here,<BR> My wife had me move out until her divorce proceedings against me are final. Because we aren't dealing with a lot of money I have been renting a room from a guy about 20 miles from my wifes house. In the past 118 days I have had 3 maybe 4 hours worth of contact with my kids. Every time I try to make arrangements with her regarding visiting my kids , she either tells me they have other plans , or makes them not available to me at the last minute. When I call to he home she instantly hangs up and won't even allow me a chance to say why I'm calling . I sent a cordial E-mail to her todaay asking for a meeting to discuss a temporary child visitatin schedule untill this is all over , to which she won't respond . I did all the stupid stuff , begged her , acted like a dependent little puppy before but I can't stop the divorce and at this point I see little hope in trying . But I do need to see my kids , am I being wrong here ? This stupid divorce could possibly drag out another six months and everything cannot be on her terms , should I have my lawyer demand something , or let it ride with zero contact with her and the kids. I don't want to piss her off more , but , those kids are mine too . And I am being treated as if I'm some sort of criminal because I don't believe a divorce is the right thing ?<P> HELP !!!!

Gary,<P>Since my experience is this area is zero, all I have to go on is my gut...<P>Have you sought an attorney yet? You may have to counter file on her for your visitation rights...<P>I can only imagine the pain this causes you...<P>It would tear me to pieces...<P>Bill

Gary,<P>See a lawyer and file for temporary visitation rights. Tell the lawyer you want to have the hearing ASAP and that she isn't allowing you to see your children.<P>Good luck to you!<BR>Mitzi

Hi Gary,<P>If you can not afford a lawyer just yet, you can go down to Family Court and fill out a petition for Visitation. There is no charge to do this as far as I know and it can be done without a lawyer.<P>The thing with this is, temporary custody will be determined also, probably going to your wife. However, DO NOT let her have Sole Custody if you can manage, go for JOINT custody with her having the residence of the children with her. Either way, from that point, have a list ready for the judge of what your seeking. <P>It sounds like overnights might be tough in your situation? Do you have family that you can take an overnight with for the kids/? If not, take a little more day visits. Perhaps every Saturday from 9-6 and one night a week for dinner. If she is going to play games get as much as you can in writing. <P>Start thinking about holidays, birthdays and school breaks and how you plan on handling this also.<P>If you have already started the divorce, this can be handled right through your attorney and you can get something in writing ASAP. You have to protect your rights though.<P>It does sound like your being punished and its not fair. My kids dad doesn't want to take them when he should. He takes them, but not often.<P>If you search under the threads from NSR (jim), somewhere I think he had a website for fathers rights. If not check with some of the other guys on the site, because I know there is one. I never looked at it, but I imagine some useful info would be there too.<P>Good luck,<BR>Dana<P><BR>

Well,<BR> Maybe it's not nearly as bad as I thought I broke down and called her today , first one hang up , second call about 10 seconds , third call around twenty minutes. Turns out that she is still mad at my intial reaction to the divorce and is relying on my past behavior to dictate the future. She initially wanted a amicable dissaloution at which I did everything wrong , drug my feet and in general acted like the control freak that has marred my personality forever. This forced her to get real defensive and in general caused the basic meltdown . Turns out there is a hearing Tuesday for temporary support , I thought my lawyer was handling this but apparently someone dropped the ball . Well to make a long story short , she sort of agreed to a weekly phone call to arrange kids schedules and such . It ain't much but it's a start. In the meantime I'll stick with the therapy ( man , has it helped !!! ) and be the best absentee Dad I can , stopped and talked to my Dad today ( dead ) , he had no words of wisdom , and to her Dad too ( dead ) again no comment. Guess it's up to me to sort out MY problems and stop trying to figure everyone else's out .<BR>I appreciate all the feedback ....<P> GLH

Believe it or not, it's good that you have a temp. support hearing Tuesday. At that same hearing visitation and custody should be decided. Just make sure that if you want a lot of time with your children, you ask for it. It's not to hurt your wife, it's to help your children.<P>Mitzi

Well ,<BR> Left her a voicemail to discuss kids schedules for the week and she declined to respond. I moved out so that my kids wouldn't have to go live with her mother. I didn't feel that was aggod thing for them , what a chump I am. Had she had moved to her Mom's she would see how rough this is really gonna be , now I'm expected to be living on the floor in a rented room until she can pay me off for my equity in the house . I can't see how any judge is going to allow this , but I have been wrong before. What's bad about all of this is that the kids were never told anything about the divorce or why it's happening and they don't even bother to call or have any contact with me . This sucks , and I'm done being a chump.

Gary,

Gary,<P>Where I live, child support has NOTHING at all to do with Visitation/Custody.<P>Custody and Visitation are one seperate issue that go together, one parent gets custody,the other gets visitation.<P>Child support is a seperate case number, seperate judge and seperate issue, thus making it a bad move to withhold child support because of a visitation issue.<P>You should call TODAY to where this hearing is and check out what it is for your state because if its like my state, she is pulling you in for some money, but the visits are seperate. <P>Protect your rights NOW, you can't make up for the lost time with your kids.<P>Good luck, Dana<BR>