I just couldn't help myself. Using some information I obtained from a background check on him over a year ago (I had thrown it away after my wife and I got back together after our seperation), I called the OM and his EW. Smart move? Debateable, but I'm not looking to get my STBX back. I love her, but I don't trust or respect her.<P>He was cordial as always (I've met him). He is smooth, I'll give him that. I was as smooth as I could be. I basically told him that if he ever harmed my daughter, I would never stop until justice was served. I told him that I didn't think he was a real man. A real man would never mess with a married woman, no matter what. I asked him what his intentions were with my wife, but he declined to comment. (It didn't hurt to fish a bit) As far as his smoothness is concerned, I can see what my STBX sees in him. I'm sure she eats up his kind words toward her. She has chronic problems. The same ones over and over again. She could never stand up for herself and would constantly complain how badly other people were treating her. She takes EVERYTHING personally. One can have a conversation about a controversial topic that does not include her, but she will think it does. If he can listen to her constantly and assure her constantly, then more power to him. She requires CONSTANT reassurance. She totally drained me. I got tired of being a dumping ground with no hope of her ever resolving her issues. She is an incredibly weak person. Did this help his ego? Possibly, but I got it off my chest. My STBX hasn't called back to say anything about me calling him yet. It will be my only call to him.<P>The call to his EW was very interesting. She lives on the same street as him. She bought a house in the same neighborhood as him; I think for her kids sake. She's been married and divorced 4 times. She said that he would never hurt anyone. She also said that they never had sex during their entire 4 year marriage, not even on their wedding night. I wonder if that is why my STBX was so horny when we got back together? My STBX hardly ever initiated sex, though she enjoyed it if she went too long without it. He must never want sex. My STBX has said something about not liking sex. I think this is to convince herself that she can be with him and do without it? His EW also said he was wierd. She wouldn't go into that though. She said that she would keep my phone number and keep an eye on him as far as my daughter was concerned. She knows and is still in contact with many of his family members. She now knows his girlfriend (my STBX) is married. BTW, he cheated on my STBX while she cheated on me. His other girlfriend (not my STBX) found out about it and dumped him. His EW said that he is lonely.<P>End result? I don't think my daughter and STBX are in any danger of being harmed. That's a major load off my mind. My wife, wierd in her own ways, may be a perfect match for this wierd guy. Time will tell, but I'm not placing bets.<P>My STBX has officially filed for divorce. I should get served any day now. Did I make mistakes in my marriage? Yes, but haven't we all. However, I continued trying to heal the marriage until the very end while she found someone else. I have absolutely no regrets. I do miss my marriage and "the dream", but I did everything I could. It has been tough, but things are getting better each day. Some days are hard, but they get less hard each day. Everything in my life is wonderful except for my relationship. I'm pleased with our divorce agreement. (joint custody with me as primary) I will heal in time and find a much better person. My STBX says I deserve someone better than her. <P>Ever forward...<P>

f1,h0,<BR>Your stbx sounds alot like my x did/is. She never liked how people treated her. She always expected people like sales people to treat her how she wanted to be treated, and if they didn't then she was bent out of shape about it.<P>My x too needed constant reassurance. A counselor called her "high maintenance" and that a very few people could continue to provide this constant reassurance. Like most people in a new relationship, the om was providing that source of reassurance, while after 15+ yrs wasn't doing a good job of it.<P>I told my x if her om/h ever touches the kids, she will be taking care of him in intensive care for a long, long time.<P>It sounds like you are doing well.<P>Hang in,<P>Bob

well..if I ever found out someone I was seeing hurt my kids..my stbx wouldn't get the chance to put them in intensive care..the man would be dead..and i'd be the one to kill him..