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Joined: Jun 1999
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I thought she was calling about the holidays and then she told me that her H is having an affair. She confronted him and fiannly after 2 days he confessed. She says he sent a no contact letter and has broken it off.<P>SIL asked me how I was able to want to reconcile after discovery. She says she does not want him to touch her and all trust in him is gone.<P>I explained this are all normal feelings and that both of them had taken positive initial steps.<P>I told her about SAA and Private Lies and also this website.<P>I told either of them to call me at anytime. My BIL was afraid I would hate him. I guess I need to email him.<P>ANy other suggestions?<P>Bob
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Joined: Nov 1999
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Hey Bob,<P>gosh, doesn't anyone stay faithful any more??<P>I would have done exactly as you did. Directed them here. <P>And I guess you can be there for both of them. I think they will need you. It's lovely that your in-laws still love and value you so much. That is something to hang on to.<P>With your bil being the unfaithful one, I think it will be good to have 2 men being able to talk about this issue, but from opposite sides of the fence. Maybe you will be the one to help both of them through this a lot faster than most of us have been able to do. By that, I mean that I had no-one except you guys that had been through this. At least they will have someone close to them who has. and someone who they obviously trust.<P>love and hugs to you<P>Jo
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,900
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It is good that you can help them. Hopefully they will visit the MB site.<P>Now I have a weird sense of humor but I keep seeing you X talking to her Sister about the sister H's A. I can see fireworks, maybe your SIL can make you wife see what it is like on the other side of the fence.
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Joined: Jun 2000
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You're a good man, <P>and obviously your x's family sees that too. I'm sure you will be tremendous help to them.
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Joined: Jun 1999
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Thanks all,<BR>I am worried about emotional states of SIL and my own. I don't think this is a good time for a man and woman to be sharing problems. Could BIL start thinking of this as an affair. She has just called me the once.<P>Sing, SIL is not talking to my x because of the affair/divorce, so she doesn't know. I didn't ask if their parents know.
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Joined: Apr 2000
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Bob,<P>You are correct in sharing problems, BUT<BR>you have the knowledge and the strength to<BR>meet with them one on one, and lay out stuff that you know that will help them reconcile.<P>and also let them know how badly yours has affected the children, and that you will offer guidance as to places to get help, but that it is their responsibility to find their own answers.<P>good luck<P>tom<P><BR>
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