cheerleader,<P>I am sorry to read of the terribly difficult time you had.<P>My H is certainly capable of working and parenting. Of course I want him to share these responsibilites - it is not a matter of letting him. I can't make someone hire him. I can't make him see more of the kids.

Nellie 1<P>At the risk of offending (not my intention) you, I see something that just leaps off the page. You are still hung up on the fact that your ex isn't supporting the kids the way you think he should.<P>If you go back and read your posts and replies, everyone of them contains something about how unfair the courts, him and the situation is.<P>OK, I agree, its unfair. Now what? You aren't going to change him or the courts, so the only thing left to change is the situation. And that is something you must do.<P>Face it, if he were a decent father he would be taking care of his kids, court or no court. No matter how badly you want or need this to change, its not likely to happen.<P>I don't have any sugar coating to go with it so I'll just be blunt. Its time to forget him, and then suck it up and deal with it. You are in all likelyhood NOT going to be able to keep the home, kids in school, keep up the bills, and all the other things looming over you. Your life style must change to meet the new paradigm you find yourself in.<P>I think that once you truely accept this, you'll be on your way to sorting it all out.<P>Wish I had better words to comfort you.<P>Country Guy<BR>

Country Guy,<P>Short of quiting my job so that I can move to a part of the state where rents are a lot less, there really isn't too much I can do about "changing my lifestyle." My kids in college are paying their own way completely this year (including loans). I live in one of the least expensive houses in one of the least expensive towns in the area. I feed all 5-7 of us on very little money. I am applying for full-time jobs every week. There is a limit to how small a place I can move into - there are fairly strictly enforced building codes in this state that limit how many people you can put in bedrooms of a given size. <P>If "changing my lifestyle" means going bankrupt or moving to a homeless shelter, no, I am not willing to do that. <P>I don't expect anyone here to come up with a magic pill to fix everything - but I thought it was ok if I vented here. <BR>

Nellie1,<P>You bet its OK to vent! I just wish there was more I could offer.

I feel for you - I'm married - but I'm a 'single parent' - H does not participate, seldom is even HERE (by his choice). Money is a major problem for me - because there is not guarantee amount from H - whatever he chooses not to spend. <P>However, I started working from home several years ago - my business is successful (Desktop publishing kinds of stuff and some consulting). Once my name got out and people recognized me it is getting lots better. I home school the kids, because it allows us more freedom for my travel schedule - but I make sure they all have a lot of activities and fun in their lives. While we keep the time and transportation to a minimum, I group activities like church youth group, child activities, special outings, etc. the kids are all very good at socializing and communicating. <P>The one thing I have learned is "Dont' do anything for them that they are capable of doing for themselves!" It's a simple thing to do - teach them to pickup after themselves and do their own chores... This is responsible parenting - not pushing 'spousal' chores on them. They need to be self sufficient - if not - what will they do when you are not available to pick up after them???<P>Find 5 minutes EVERY day for you - even if it is just 5 minutes to lay your head back and relax - do something for yourself.

Country Guy,<P>Just being able to vent helps.<P>seekingjoy,<P>In regard to homeschooling, you are preaching to the choir - I homeschooled my kids for 7 years. Two of them are now in college. My H was very supportive of homeschooling until he started living with the OW. Since that time, he has completely changed his tune. He ended up basically forcing me to put one of them in school, and I had to put all of them in in order to work. Two of them absolutely hate it. My son begs me almost every day to take him out - says he will do anything if he can be homeschooled, including paying for curriculum with his own money (not that that is a whole lot).<P>My kids do a lot for themselves. They have all started doing their own laundry by 8 or 9; the oldest ones were able to milk cows completely by themselves by 12 and 14 as well as driving a horse-drawn manure spreader. My 14 year old son makes some of the best pancakes I've ever tasted...