i'm due to go to court monday the 18th and x has subponeaed his sons (15 & 16) along with a few other people. we don't have much to fight about, no business, just a home(which i'm wanting), sons(they want to live with me), debts, etc. he has made my divorce costs so unreal and this will make it even worse. can anyone tell me what goes on when two people can't agree on the terms of settlement and you actually go to trial?

Oh yuck! How awful to do that to his children! Just because he does that though doesn't mean a Judge would really call them to the stand does it? I mean, both my ex and I had statements from others and friends in our defense and none of it was ever brought up in the court room. Partly because duh....of course the people YOU put down to testify will testify for you. But my question is why would he do this??

i'm not sure what his reason for doing this is. i've gone over and over it in my head and can't see how he possibly thinks this will help him. he never wanted therapy, he was an alcholic all our married life, depressed most of the time, when i finally had all i could of it in may 99 i asked him to move out, during our separation he had an affair. i filed for the divorce last nov. he's asked me back a few times, i've delayed the divorce twice but he never really followed through with therapy and his drinking problem. throughout our marriage the issue of control was always there and maybe thats the reason now too. he wants to make sure he gets exactly half and not a penny less than i. example, when i had my first born we could of afforded for me to stay home and care for him but because that meant i'd spend more time with our son than H he didn't allow me to and so i worked with our son going to his mothers one week and mine the other. could the control still be why?

I suppose it could be an issue but why the kids? I just don't get it. Still think it's sad, but I don't get it. Anyhow, best of luck to you on the 18th and keep us posted. I'd like to know where he's going with this.

Confused, <BR>I am not really sure what to do when a divorce goes to trial, but I do know that it is very rare that it happen. I feel terrible for you. <P>First of all, I would not worry about your children going to court. They are a little older and they will understand it all, and make sense of it all. Your part, is to just make sure that they know that no matter what, you will always be there for them if they have any questions or concerns. <P>Do a little research into how that day will go for them and explain it to them. That way they know what to expect. Usually, courtrooms are open to the public, and you could take them to a trial. I'm not sure if divorce trials are but you should look into it. <P>I know nothing about it, except I had to go to court when I was thirteen, unfortunately, I chose to block that memory for some reason. I don't remember anyone being very supportive to me at that time. So be supportive. <P>Secondly, if you know it won't help him, I wouldn't sweat it! <P>Lastly, I can't wait to see what kind of answers you get, because if my instincts prove right, I will eventually be going to trial myself. <P>In my case, it will be because my husband wants to hurt me in every possible way that he can, because for some reason, I think that I have hurt him with our breakup! That alone bewilders me, because if he loves me that much, then why couldn't he be honest with me?? <P>Let us know how it goes, please!!<BR>

I am so sorry that your H has involved the children. This should be a no no, no matter what and should be sorted out outside of the trial, whatever the reason. Perhaps he is fighting forcustody and wants the kidsto testify as to what they want.<BR>No matter what, ALL children,even those who have had physically abusive parent(s) are very reluctant to speak up and side with one parent or the other...AND THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO, but more important they should not be put into this position,so try to find out what it is, and if it is this type of thing that they have been subpoenaed for,make surethey understand that whatever they say or do (if called....and I hope that they are not) you will NEVER stoploving them and understand why they are doing what they feel they have to. I hope I am wrong.<P>I am alsogoing to go to trial....H is in a fantasy re finances. Children seem sort of settled as he has played them evry which way, but they have chosen to live with me as they now know he is incapable of providing them with the parenting they need (even thought they do not like it all that much, they have learnt that no parenting and just living in the same house,does not a parent make!<P>Good luck on the 18th

are we suppose to feel different or single because i still feel very married. it was a very difficult day for me, what with all the people my x had in court to testify on his behalf if necessary (including my own sons). all of which did not want to be there. fortunately it didn't get to that point. the judge ordered a mediator and it took about 4 hours for us to agree on things. by the excitement in the judges face we must of set a record, he apparently didn't expect us to agree so quickly, even the mediator kept telling me how good we both were doing and of course at one point both our attorneys told the mediator they both thought we were still in love with each other but just couldn't work out our problems. i am now divorced from a man whom i'll probably always love. i was holding up good with all these family members looking at me until the very end at which time my x comes up to me grabs me and hugs me and whispers in my ear "i love you" why did he have to do this? then his parents come up and hug me and crying tell me i'll always be there daughter-in-law in there eyes. my x spent every moment we were alone telling me how much he's changed, how he is in treatment for his drinking(on antabuse), how he is seeing a therapist 3 times a week and on anti-depressants, etc. why did he wait until the very end to do everything i ever wanted? he called my son on his cell phone on the way home to ask him how i was holding up. i know he regrets everything and he still loves me but why do people hurt those they truly love? i guess i'll never understand this.

Confused spouse,<P>Thank God that no one had to testify especially your sons. God is faithful. <BR>Remember divorce is not and end, many times it is a beginning. I am so gald the divorce <BR>ended with all of you so good toward each other. This is so rare. I know what he said <BR>hurt you. It doesn't make sense. All will work out for you because of your good will.<BR>gentle<p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited December 19, 2000).]