Well, <BR>I talked to confguy and hes got that right! <P>My husband set up an appointment for marriage counseling just a day or two ago. I was suprised by this but at the same time a little relieved. I thought we would have a chance to make things right between us. UNTIL, yesturday, I got a call from our mortgage company. <P>Two weeks ago, my husband told me straight to my face that he had paid the house payment that day, for November. You'll never guess what the mortgage company told me yesturday! Needless to say, the payment was not made and my husband has only $300 left out of $772, claiming that he spent $350 of it on food and gas. Pardon me, but if during our last two years of marriage, our gas and food bill was $350 every two weeks for him and him alone, we would have gone bankrupt five times. Now, christmas is completely ruined. I have no money now, because I have to pay the house payment. There is no way in "he**" that I am going to marriage counseling with him. Yet, he has the nerve to say to me that he is sick of this crap, because I am so upset with him. WHAT?????? <P>Especially since, not even a month ago, he left the house for three weeks and spent over $900 in three weeks on YES 'gas and food' claiming that he was living out his truck, despite the fact that he could have gone to his moms house which is where he is at now. That $900 was for christmas. <P>Yet, I was told on the phone today that, since I am documenting everything that he has done in past couple months (which is smart thing to do) that he doesnt trust ME, and for that reason. Because I am documenting everything. <P>He has been lying about this and lying about that, yet he does not trust me, even though I have always been totally honest and up front with him. <P>Yes, we are two completely human beings and that is something that I know we will never get over. We are no longer complimentary. <P>Also, his topic starter on Dec 6 was with my email. He saw that recently I have been chatting with people, and now assumes that I am out with other guys. And, when I told him to wait until I got home to pick up his son, he accused me of needing to hide all the phone numbers from him. He is starting to creep me out a little. I do have a bunch of phone numbers, but does that mean I am sleeping with them. NO WAY! In addition to that, I know he is the kind of guy that will never believe anything I say because he is letting 'what he believes' become reality. <P>I believe that this is the start of a serious divorce and I am scared as hell that he is going to make this as difficult as he possibly can for me and my oldest son!!<P>Help!! What should I do now?

All I have to say is that people who constantly lie do not live by the same rules you and I do, so don't expect him to start doing so. Document and protect yourself financially.

KKMW,<P>What are you afriad of about the divorce? I don't mean to seem as not to care. I had to decide this same thing when I got divorce papers and my lawyer and others told me to write everything down.I had to ask myself what I was afraid of him doing to me. It took a lot of pain but, I finally got down to what I was afraid of him doing to me. I was afraid of him divorcing me. After I got my answer then I found out were to go from there. Restoration of my marriage became my focus and I started looking for ways of doing that. The divorce issues lost importance for me. Your answer will be different if your fears are different. I hope this helped. I wish you the best,<BR>gentle

KKMW,<P>An old time newspaperman, H.L. Mencken once observed that it is very difficult to believe someone when you know you would lie if you were in his place.<P>That sounds a bit like the position your stbx is in right now. It is right out of Games People Play, accuse to excuse. I accuse you of something to excuse my own failing. Or at least take the spotlight away from my shenanegans. Whether or not you did something wrong is of no particular significance.<P>I don't know how the man spent $900.00 on food and gas in three weeks, but our household income is in the six figure bracket and I don't spend that much in three months! It does have a certain pungency to it, sort of like the "dog ate the homework story".<BR> <BR>The lies drove me nuts too, both the lies I have told and the lies that were being told to me. Recommend a book called Lies, Lies, Lies, The Psychology of Of Deceit by Charles V. Ford. I read it before I found Marriage Builders and Dr. Harley.<P>Dr. Harley has a number of very fine columns on the topic, and he is as valid as any author I've ever read. This is a real tough time for you, but maybe it is one of those wakeup calls that tells you it is time for you to make some changes. Sort of a growing pain. I wish there was some way to reach out to you and assure you that this too shall pass. Better times are ahead, one way or the other. I hope you hang in and read some of the posts here too, there are a lot of dynamite folks here sharing their experiences.<P>Bumper<P>