<BR> My EWTB has had a EA with another man for around the last 4 months. I confornted them both and mysteriously their stories are different and both deny , deny , deny any hints of a affair. Several months ago the OM even went as far as telling me that his wife knows all about this and gives it her full support. ( Their standard line is we are old friends helping one another through rough times )<BR> I consider myself a good person , but , I couldn't resist and sent the OM a Christmas card on Weds. Addressed to him and his wife.<BR>I filled the card out as follows:<P> I am happy that you are showing the support and guidance to Connie during this very emoptional time . You have greatly helped her in gaining a sense of mental clarity and have companionship has helped her in many ways. I sincerely hope that you will show this support to her once the divorce is final and continue to be her good friend. My best to you and your family .<P><BR> Call me petty , but if his wife knows she should be flattered if not , it should be WW3 at his home around Saturday.....

Sounds like a MAJOR LB..<BR>done out of hurt on your part..and something<BR>else..is that the OM's wife may read this and<BR>it just confirm to her that there is nothing<BR>going on between them..<P>You see..when you act like out in anger and hurt like that your the one who looks like the "bad one" in the relationship...<P>Look at this way...if you had a woman/man friend who you work w/ and they are sharing w/ you troubles they are having at home telling you about what a jerk the other spouse is..and then you are telling your spouse that oh were just friends..they are<BR>having some struggles at home right now and <BR>really just need a friend..(may or may not be<BR>the case..could be an affair you suspect that<BR>it is..but you still aren't quite sure) then <BR>you get this Christmas card and it's telling you that this person is getting divorced..it confirms yes..there are struggles in this<BR>OP's marriage..and my spouse is "JUST" being the loving kind person I married..and helping<BR>them through this rough patch..and the other persons spouse is more supportive of their spouse "helpping" out a friend who is having the problems..because we all want to think<BR>of spouses as being kind and considerate and caring to others..<P><BR>

Dear Gary:<P><BR>Thorned rose may be correct. There are so many ways to look at a picture. Now let me play Devil's Advocate:<P>Suppose that The OM lied about his W supporting the friendship and the confidences about your troubled marriage. Suppose they have dealt with this type of situation before. And she says "Here we go again". Like you said, WWIII. She says "What's going on here, why is this woman confiding in you and I don't know anything about it?" or "You never told me [the lady] was having problems in her marriage. I don't like you getting that close with her, stop it." <P>Throws a monkey wrench into the EA. He withdraws from your W. She is forced to eventually see that the situation isn't as innocent as they want to pretend it is.<BR>It may not get her back with you though. But it would be interesting, if she opens the mail first.<P>By the way, have you met OM's wife? Talked to her? You only have his word for how she feels about this.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Belle ,<BR> This guy is a meglomaniac of major league stature, he told me once that he feels flattered on all levels that my wife has held a torch for him for over twenty years. When I initially found their cell phone conversations and very romantic e-mail exchange , his response was " what are you going to do , tell my wife ? " now his response is more of the " Party Line " , that is that I am simply making this up. Well I hope his wife does open it , I wrote a very cordial letter to the guy asking him nicely to back off and he's declined , so I guess he'll have to live with his actions.

Gary,<P>I'm not sure what you hoped to accomplish with that card that wouldn't just happen in the natural course of events. Once the OM's wife finds out that the divorce has happened, the rules change. Lots of married women don't really care to have their husbands hanging around divorced women, no matter what the prior relationship.<P>Carpentry and woodworking are my hobby. The professionals have a saying you might find interesting: "Measure twice, cut once."<P>Hang in there buddy,<P>Bumper