Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 237
R
rrunrr Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 237
Here's the deal.<BR>I was served, by a deputy, Wed. morning here at work. <BR>I was to go down to her location (99 miles) Thurs. to sign for extending a loan which our house is involved in. However, a coworker had to attend a funeral out of state so I could not leave the office.<BR>I go tomorrow, instead.<BR>It seems to me, what I have deciphered in the document, that she had filed in August...four months to the day. In all our conversations in the interim, she never indicated that she had.<BR>Apparently, my after-work activities did not take me home when they were there.<BR>Talk about having the wind knocked out of you!! I could NOT breathe, my chest was quite tight, and I felt like I was about to black out for the next hour.<BR>Now, with all this said (too much, I am sure) I have little choice here. A lawyer on the web site where I discovered this one, said the biggest mistake made by us is we are too generous in settlements.<BR>Probably.<BR>But at least I have the house for another six months. It is my haven.<BR>As soon as I post i need to call a lawyer.

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,514
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,514
Why four months? Civil Procedure Rules (the rules courts run by) may require service (handing you papers) in no more than 120 days, or the court throws the suit out and she has to spend the filing fee again. <P>So circumstances perhaps drove the timing, and you may have fallen just short of having her pull the plug on it (assuming she never told you about the filing because she harbored hopes of reconnecting). Service can take several days to do ... which is why the deputy started trying to contact you a few days before the deadline.<P>My point would be that yes, it's a hostile act, but no, you shouldn't read into it more than 1) it was put up or shut up time; and 2) she wasn't quite ready to shut up. <P>If there had been ongoing efforts to serve you before now, believe me you would know about it, one way or the other, even if you successfully evaded service (and if you had done so, it would not be a solution: there are ways of getting "substituted" service on people who don't want to be found). <P>If you're fair now in the settlement process, there will be more opportunity to prove your generosity later. If you are too generous, it's easier to get behind in your alimony, there's less ability for you to move on and less incentive for her to do so. Nothing will make her madder than unpaid alimony; and if there's anything that can help you reconnect, it's a timely and graciously given advance when she's tight for money. <p>[This message has been edited by Sisyphus (edited December 18, 2000).]

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 237
R
rrunrr Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 237
As of today, there has been no talk of settlement. I doubt, since we both were employed, that she will ask for alimony. In fact, she makes more now than when she was living at home.<BR>I may know more tomorrow, but I won't sweat anything until I get there.<BR>rrunrr<BR><P>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.<P>Never take trust for granted.

Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 1,213
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 1,213
rrunnrr,<P>Sorry to hear about the divorce papers. It sure is like getting the wind knocked out of you when you don't know they are coming! <P>My ex left on xmas and served me with d papers on valentines day, talk about wind getting knocked out! <P>It sounds like you are on top of things with the lawyer, don't do what I did, don't give in, don't settle, your decision will stick with you for a long time, I am regretting my leniency now.<P>Good luck,Dana<BR>


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,169 guests, and 46 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil, daveamec, janyline
71,836 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5