Almost six months ago I separated from my husband. It was due to a pattern of verbal and emotional abuse to my children and I - I tried to be patient as it was my husbands first marriage and he took on me and the kids, but he was downright cruel and hateful. Last December a verbal disagreement led to him leaping off the couch and shoving me to the floor. I called the police - he was jailed overnight, but all he got out of the situation was more angry at me. In July I discovered he had been spending hours on the internet surfing porn sites - all the while pushing me off when I wanted attention - and that is the point I left. I NEVER intended to divorce him, I wanted to get to a safe place and give him time to think. Well, he still is not accountable to anyone, has stopped going to church, thinks it is all me and I will "snap out of it", etc. I just don't know what to do at this point - I am working full time and supporting the kids, and my husband occasionally comes down - but I don't want to be a bed and breakfast. He is in total denial about the porno - says it was a one time thing, which I KNOW is a lie. As a Christian, I know God HATES divorce, and there is no two ways about it - I just don't know what boundaries I can set and still be true to the covenant, or if that is possible since we are separated. I do know that I can't go back into that situation when NOT ONE of the issues has been dealt with or admitted to.

I know partly how you feel, I too am remarried to a man who took in me and my two kids. We now have another together. I felt he is more mean and rude to my boys and it lead to MANY problems. After 6 years they seem to be getting better, but the TRUE family fit is just not there. I know for him it will never be. He has a chip on his shoulder about it something and I cannot spend the next 25 years trying to figure it out. I have not left though. I have stayed for the kids (though unlike you have had NO physical abuse - and like you, would have left if that were the case). I think you should try waiting it out a little longer and see if he finally sees the light. I too, don't know what to do. I feel like I live this life for my kids and them ONLY - because I am not happy - but I stay. Go figure?

LLP, First let me tell you that if your H is physically abusing you or your kids then you have definately done the right thing by moving out. I understand how rough a seperation and/or a divorce can be. I too am a Christian and took my marriage vows very serious as well. But speaking a a cop with going on 18 ys experience, most in investigations, I promise you that your most important concern right now is the safety of YOU and your CHILDREN!!!!!<p>I hope you are participating in some form of counseling. If not is strongly encourage you to do so. There are several groups that support battered wives/children, find one. Believe me that if you don't and return to continued abuse, someone will end up seriously hurt or killed. <p>I know that my words are harsh and probably a little sharp. But I know even more what usally ends up happening in abusive relationships, me or another investigator ends up working a violent crime or death investigation.<p>I'll be praying for you.

Thanks for the response - sometimes I am made too feel that I am "provoking" and have taken it too far ( I called the police and had him arrested ), but I know that I have to do this. When New Years rolled around, I made a renewed commitment to my children, to give them the safest and most peaceful environment I could. I have to tell you if it were just me I probably wouldn't left - and for that reason, I am in counselling and trying to resolve these long-standing issues.

LLP - The most, most, most important thing that you need to remember is not that God hates divorce. It is that God loves YOU.<p>He wants your safety and your happiness - as well as that of your children. God does not want you to stay in an abusive/miserable relationshhip so that you can 'sanctify His word and your vows'. Marriage vows are deeply serious, as He meant them to be. But He was much more concerned over Adam and Eve's happiness and well-being than over their marriage. <p>It amazes me the number of people (mainly women) who stay in abusive marriages because they do not want to anger God with a divorce. I think it ticks God off worse to see His creation (a human being) be ruined in all aspects with no effort from the person to save His work!<p>Good luck, and stay strong. Too many little lambs depend on you.<p>Maria