`<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited February 21, 2001).]

He feels comfortable talking with you, DON'T read anything more in to it other than that.<P>If after 4 years of no contact, i would assume with someone like an XW, i could talk about 4 years for several days. Its been a long time. he probably regrets what he did, and Harley often says the first love is always remembered as the best.<P>WIFTT

skye,<P>I believe the reason he sold the other house may be to show you and OW he is done with that part of his life. He may not want to be reminded of the mistakes he made when he left. Guilt is a powerful thing. I too believe he wants his place to come home to were he knows inside he belongs. This is not uncommon. Many BS wait years for this to happen. Even longer than four. Once he realized that the divorce didn't bring him the happiness he thought it would he let go of OW. Has he been writing your son still?<BR>If you want him back then this is good news. Give him time he may even see OW some more but he is questioning his choices and this is great. He is just testing the water. Not testing you but himself and his feelings. It sounds like he is starting to see things clearer.<BR>gentle

`<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited December 23, 2000).]

skye,<P>Remember faith is believeing in things that are unseen. Have faith and believe. Most wars are won in the mind.<P>gentle

`<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited December 23, 2000).]

skye,<P>I listened to people telling me to give up and it's hopeless until I about was convinced myself. Thank God I came to realize that no situation is hopeless. Delusions are like living in a make believe world. Or turning to something to deal with your pain other than feeling your pain. You have seen and heard very clear signs of the change in your husband. That is not delusions. Write down all the things that you have seen and heard from him or others that you trust and decide for yourself what is real.Write down positive and negative both but only since he contacted you again.<BR>You tell me. I don't have the emotions you do about your sitiuation so I see the positive for what they are...hope.<BR>Many will say this is false hope which becomes hopeless quick. I have learned to get and keep my hope up. Just don't share this hope with H or anyone else close to you. I hope I haven't confused you more. If you would like to email me send me your address if you want and I will get back with you.<BR>gentle <BR>

skye,<P>I have heard a number of stories of couples getting back together many years after divorce.<P>Unfortunately, it seems like a huge percentage of people have affairs after the death of a child. My guess is that he still loves you very much. <P>The OW is not stupid. Interested mainly in his money, almost undoubtedly. She got used to an expensive livestyle, then got a quarter of a million dollars, if I remember correctly, after he didn't marry her. I am not surprised she wants that livestyle back.

`<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited December 23, 2000).]

skye,<P>I have to say that what is so wrong with "hope" in today's world. Why if you have faith and conviction in the love you felt/feel for your X are you immediately labeled pathetic and unable to "move on". If you are someone that believes in the power of love and of God then you are fully aware that love can and WILL conquer all.<P>My take on everything is that there definitely was and is love for you and your X. He feels it. Everything he has done to escape it is proving futile. He may know deep down that what he did was wrong - that you were meant to be. I don't believe at all in coincidences - rather I strongly feel that things happen because God wants them to. Little things here and there are often dismissed rather quickly, but when you go back through the history of faith, you see that God's miracles are very often subtle things that go unnoticed by humans.<P>But now the sad part: God granted us the power of freewill. It is a two-way street - we can choose to use it to follow His plans for us, or we can ignore Him and choose the path not meant for us to take. It sounds like your X is stubborn. But God does not cease just because someone refuses to turn to Him and believe. Guilt is a powerful tool used by God and I believe that is just what He is doing with your X.<P>Don't ever let anyone take your hope and faith from you. Trust in yourself and in God. If your X and you were truly meant to be, believe that God will do everything in His power to make it so.<P>Keep close to the Lord.<BR>God Bless and may you have a beautiful holiday season.<P>Mike

Hello Skye,<P>It has been awhile since we communicated. Thought I would throw my speculation into the pot.<P>1. The OW is a "friend" maybe but she will never be his W. Her opportunity has come and gone. The only reason he is "friends" with her is that there is no one else significant in his life.<P>2. Do you have false hopes? I don't know, but it would seem he has found no one else fit to marry. That doesn't mean that you will get what you want, but it does mean you have set a very high bar for anyone else to get over. <P>Skye, I am sure I asked you this last summer, but do you two know where you stand with one another? I mean does he know you would love to have him back? Without a large guilt trip, right? Does he know that you feel that part of what broke you up was your responsibility not just all his?<P>I ask this because if he really isn't happy, is it because he would like to do something such as restore the marriage but feels it impossible, or is it that he is just generally unhappy with the world in general? In that case remarrying him won't solve a thing.<P>I don't know why I think this but here goes. I suspect that he is waiting for an overt move/response from you. His guilt and pride won't allow him to come back to you, but they may allow him to accept your responses.<P>I realize that for you to do this you are putting yourself into a very vunerable position. You risk being rejected and you may have to try this more than once for him to respond. So the risk is high.<P>Just some thoughts Skye. I really don't have any answers for you. But I do know this if you don't ask you don't get. <P>God Bless,<P>JL

`<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited December 23, 2000).]

You know Skye. I set here reading this thread and what I really what to say to you is something that is probably fantasy. Oh! Well, here goes. What I want to tell you to do is go get him. Grab him by the ear and march him home. You know like a mother does to a wayward boy.<P>I sense that your situation is a bit like that. He is a wayward boy and he really doesn't really know what to do, but he knows he should be home. It is very clear to me that whatever you two had, is far superior to anything he has found in the last 4 years.<P>I think it is clear to him as well. As it ever crossed you mind to fly to where he lives, march into his office and announce he has a dinner date with you tonight and really settle this once and for all? <P>I know things don't often work that way, but there are sometimes when direct action is required. Interestingly, it is true of people who are very busy and successful in other things.<P>You sent him a card and his response was a 4 hour conversation with you. THen he doesn't call since. Did it bring back memories that he feels he can never recapture? Did it raise the guilt issues? I don't know and neither do you? Why don't you ask him? Call him and ask him why you have not heard from him anymore. It will ease your mind if nothing else.<P>You know there are times when someone posts that you wish you could reach out and just bang their heads together. You case is like that for me. He hasn't found anyone better than you and he knows it, so do you. I mean he doesn't even think he has found anyone any better.<P>Oh! Well, Skye. I wish I could offer better advice, but it seems to me the subtle approach is not really going to work here. I hope you find the approach that does work.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

`<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited December 23, 2000).]

Skye,<P>He is afraid of being hurt again. He is afraid he will hurt you again. Are you afraid? If not, why not do something rather than wait for him to make the overture. After all it is usually the women who chose the men. We are only allowed to think we have a say in things. <P>So, think about this. Invite him to your house. Heck, invite him for Christmas, it is not too late.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Skye,<P>The ministry that I work with standing for my marriage has a book and God convicted me of many things I had done to my husband thar I had no ideal I had done. I ask God to forgive me and then the hard part, I ask my husband to forgive me. I was very clear about what God had convicted me of when I ask<BR>H for forgiveness. These were at different times because I would do it as God revealed these things to me. Each time I could see a very surprised look in my H eyes. The last time he even said something. He said something like well maybe is you hadn't my heart would not be so hard now. It was only a few months prior that he had said He did not have a hard heart. God is working in both our marriages.God is turning his heart. <BR>You said you had changed a lot since you really started standing. God started bringing him back into your life as you have started to change. God is changing both your hearts and when you are both ready your H will be home.God's plan is perfect.Remember also as Satan loses his hold ,he will start trying harder to do what Satan does best, steal, kill and destory. Keep the faith and <BR>know Satan will lose this battle because of your faith.<BR>gentle

skye,<P>I am not divorcing or divorced. Just lurking. But, did I miss something? You had the four hour conversation and then you say "NOTHING". <P>My question: Have you tried to contact HIM since the conversation? Maybe HE is sitting there thinking, "We had this four hour conversation, and then NOTHING." Just a thought...

`<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited February 21, 2001).]

skye, <P>You said you really started standing for your marriage a few years ago. If you don't mind me asking, what did you mean by this. I ask because I am not sure what to advise without knowing. I hope this makes sense.<BR>If you want you can email me.<BR>tpatter4@aol.com<BR>gentle

<P><p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited December 22, 2000).]