I just don’t know what is causing this, but my depression has returned and it feels almost as bad now as it did about 5 months ago. I don’t know if it’s just because of the holidays or because of the finality of the divorce (1 month now), but I find myself on the verge of tears constantly and I’m having a hard time concentrating on anything except these feelings.<P>I have been in contact with my ex and she admitted some of the same depression that I am experiencing. This divorce has been hard on both of us and our families as well. Couple that with some other family issues with both of our families and this has been a pretty #*$%%@ year for all of us.<P>I knew that there would still be some ups and downs after the divorce, but I really didn’t expect this. Is it really normal to be going through all of this crap again? I thought I was past it already, or at least further along. Have I just been lying to myself or what? <BR>

Jayhawk,<P>Believe it or not I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I haven't noticed any post from you. I wondered how the post divorce stuff was going. I am sorry to hear you are hurting again. You didn't lie to yourself. That was how you felt then. You have been doing great.<BR>The last few post you sent my way really showed me a different Jayhawk than I had seen at first. I knew with your big heart you would be feeling pain again. Don't be hard on yourself. It just shows you are human.We think we have prepared for something<BR>and believe we are strong but nothing can prepare you for divorce. You are doing what is natural...grieving. We think we are prepared for someones death...but we never are. Even during the services we think...I doing better now...then when it is all said and done the real grief starts.I know their may be those that are tired of me saying this<BR>but, divorce is not an end.<BR>Take care Jayhawk.<BR>gentle<p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited December 20, 2000).]

Jayhawk,<P>I'm sorry you're feeling down. I suspect it's quite normal to experience these feelings post Divorce. Add to that the holiday season and it seems almost natural to be depressed. <P>Even people who are completely healthy emotionally sometimes experience depression.<P>Besides, imagine how depressed you'd be if you bet a huge spread on the Chiefs Broncos game. <P>I think once the holidays are over & the new year/millenium starts, you'll begin to feel better.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

((((Jayhawk)))),<P>What you have been through has been so tough. Everything has changed, nothing is the same and it takes time to heal. More time than I ever expected. <P>My divorce was final over a year ago but putting my 14 year old family dog to sleep last week brought on more "down" feelings than I wanted to acknowledge. Then sprinkle the holidays on top of that. <P>Take care, get plenty of rest and ask for help if you need it. We are all only human.<P>Remember, you are not alone in what you are going through.<P>Thinking of you,<P>Ragamuffin<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jayhawk 93:<BR><B>I just don’t know what is causing this, but my depression has returned and it feels almost as bad now as it did about 5 months ago. Have I just been lying to myself or what? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The heart is the heart. If your emotions are plucked, they will vibrate ... like a sine wave ... perhaps over the course of months and months. When your mind is involved, you may not be the best judge of whether medicine needs to get involved, therefore I urge you to seek a trusted third-party opinion of how you're doing emotionally. <P>I just had lots of feelings surface that I thought were long gone. Turns out they were only buried .... the moon got full and up they popped. Now I'm negotiating them back where they came from. <P>Don't feel like there's something *wrong* with you because things you thought you were finished with have returned. Just treat them as items to be taken care of, and do so. <BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Okay, that was a long one. I must admit that I knew the initial numbness of your divorce being final would eventually wear away. In addition, you throw in the holidays and the way people tend to review the past year, and I can easily see how it would make you sad.<P>I'm so glad you came on here and told us though. You know we all love you here, and we all enjoy your sense of humor and your questions and your contributions. You are a kind, thoughtful, loving man, and here on the forum we can all see it. We can also see that you are a horny little dude, who badly missing the hugging and cuddling too.<P>You haven't been lying to yourself, Jayhawk. This is another step along the road--the step after the divorce is final, after the numbness and shock wear off, when it starts to really sink in that it's over. It's sad, and it is utterly normal to feel sad. So, I say go with it. Feel sad, cry, and let it all out. Hang with your friends who love you, and accept our hugs. You'll get through this step too, just like you've gotten through everything one step at a time.<P>I love ya, my friend.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

((((((((((Jayhawk))))))))))<P>I am so sorry that you are hurting again. I know just how much pain and heartache it can cause.<P>You were never lying to yourself. Things change inside of a person on a day to day basis, one day you are feeling fine, the next you just don't... and you don't know why. It just happens. It is part of being human. But you are at least dealing with these feelings as they come up and that is the good thing. You are not bottling them up or hiding from them. Only by really truly dealing with them can you get past them and start to continue to live again.<P>Hold tight to your family and friends. Know that you are cared for by many many people all around. Take it one day at a time. You will get through this. It just takes time. Make sure that you give yourself that. Take care of yourself. We will always be here for you.<P>Java

Jayhawk,<P>It is normal! I can totally relate. It is the roller-coaster, rubber band effect we had been talking about so many months ago. But just as you entered this sad time again, know that you will "snap" back just the same. Since our stories are so similar I feel the same things you are. Always remember that there are others out there going through the same thing as you.<P>I am glad you came around and posted again - it is good to hear from you, even though it may not be the happiest of news. Chin up. Know that I will be saying a special prayer for you and your wife and for all my friends here at MB over this blessed time of year.<P>God Bless and grant you His comfort.<P>Mike

Jayhawk--<BR>Man, can I relate to exactly what you are feeling. I thought things were good and that I was strong and capable. I found blessings in my tragedy and I felt positive. I have no idea what it is; it probably is the holidays. I have been a wreck for about two weeks, on and off. You are not alone. I talked to my ex yesterday and he is just fine, living with his 18 year old and feeling good. It made me angry. That is my primary emotion. I think it is normal. In fact, the guy I was seeing who is divorced is going through the same exact thing. I think it comes in waves. I think I posted something to you once before that "warned" (I hate that word) you that the ease/peace of mind would not last. It is fleeting, but I think it will stay permanently one day. Try to remember the strength you felt a while back and remember that even in tragedy there can be found wisdom. <P>I feel like crying now as a matter of fact.

Jayhawk,<P>{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>When I read your post, I thought to myself, my god, he's reading my mind.<BR>My divorce happened 2 weeks ago, it will be final Jan 7th.<BR>I feel exactly the same way.<BR>I thought I was soooooo together. I appreciated what I had (still do) had my friends and my family, but bang, back down to the bottom to have to start all over again.<P>What triggered it for me was this Tues. just gone. We were doing our Christmas shopping together, just to buy the girls their presents. Nothing more, nothing less. I was looking forward to spending the time with him, because it was for the girls, and nothing to do with us.<BR>Well, after an hour of being together, I found out that fluff#5 is going on holidays with him Boxing Day, when he is taking the children to see his parents. I think it was the shock of them playing happy families on holidays that did it. yep, my big mouth opened and blah blah blah. I won't hog your thread, but it has so spoilt Christmas for me. I was comfortable with everything in my life, and comfortable with myself. This just threw me for a loop. His own holiday with the girls and he can't just be with them.<P>I'm just about to go see my Dr. in the next couple of days to see about medication. I just can't take this swing in emotions any more. I thought I was strong, and dealing with it all, but when he puts her and my children together it just about kills me.<P>Isn't this just the most revolting thing. We were doing so fine. I have followed you because you're at exactly the same point I am.<P>I guess we can take 'comfort' (??) in the fact that we aren't alone. Someone out there does understand and know what we are going through. That helps me. I hope it helps you too.<P>I'm thinking of you, and wishing you peace and happiness over the holidays.<P>love and hugs to you, and take care<P>Jo

((((((((jay)))))))))<P>Its completely normal and it is going to get worse, and then it will get better.<P>The exact same thing happened to me, by the way, my d was final in Oct, so I'm not far ahead, but I felt ok at first then it HIT me. <P>I think it IS also to do with the Holidays and I guess its good your ex is feeling similar thoughts because at least she is dealing with this too.<P>It is a long hard road ahead but you'll make it. You have all of us to help you. <P>I don't know the exact relationship between your ex and yourself, but this website might be of interest to you <A HREF="http://www.divorceasfriends.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorceasfriends.com</A> <P>My ex has no desire to be my friend unless his OW and he are fighting, but I think there are some useful tips on here. <P>Hang in there, <BR>Dana<BR>

I'm sorry you are down. I think the holidays really are very hard for us recently divorced folks or those smack in the middle. <P>I have my ups and downs too. I'll feel great and the next moment I am so sad over what I have lost this year and I just start crying. Lately, I have been thinking more and more about what I would do if my x ever wanted to try again. I used to think "no way, it's too late now, too much water under the bridge, etc. But sometimes I just want it all back, fights and all. I really think it is the loss of "our family" at Christmas that is making this so hard.<P>As time goes on, I hope this all gets easier. Hang in there and know we are all here to support you.<P>Take Care,<P>Jen

Hi friends. I wanted to thank all of you for your support and thoughts. Yes, it sucks right now, but I know things will be better again. I have been away for awhile because reading a lot of these posts had been bringing back feelings that I didn’t want to drudge up again, and frankly, I had some issues I was trying to work out on my own. It’s nice to have a place to turn when you just need that extra support sometimes.<P>My latest bout of the blues started a little over a week ago when I was sitting at my office minding my own business. The weather here was pretty crappy and it was very cold outside. Out of nowhere the thought came into my mind of what kind of hot soup or stew my wife would prepare for dinner on such a cold night. At that moment it just hit me that my wife was no longer my wife, my house was empty and I once again was going to be having dinner alone. It was a very tearful drive home, a tearful night and thus the onset of my depression. I know the holidays have contributed greatly, especially since I was so close to her family, but this knowledge still doesn’t make it any easier.<P>I was almost relieved in a way to read the email from my ex and see that she admitted being depressed too. She has shown so little emotion (at least to me) during this entire ordeal, I was beginning to wonder if she really had any feelings left inside. I’m not happy that she’s hurting as I don’t wish her any pain, but it almost made me feel better. I have yet to find anyone that has known us for any period of time who understands why she has done this. Everyone thinks she is a fool and is going to regret this decision one day. It really makes me wonder if she’s the only person in the world who thinks this was the right decision that she must be hiding something that only she knows. I can only speculate on what that “something” may be, but I may never know. <P>A part of me still thinks that she is going to come to her senses one of these days and will have a change of heart, but I know that’s just wishful thinking. I know that my feelings for her will subside over time, but I committed myself to this woman “til death do us part” and we are both very much alive. I know those were only words and a divorce is only a piece of paper, but it’s how I feel. I guess a part of me is still in denial that this is truly over. I felt before that I would be willing to reconcile at any point until the divorce became final, then I would close that door. Well it’s been a month since that door closed, yet I would have a hard time saying “no” if I was presented with that option. <P>One thing is for sure, this is going to be a long and bumpy journey.<BR>

Jayhawk,<P>Boy, do I know how you are feeling. I have been a emotional wreck all week. Everytime I am alone in a room I cry. I have hardly cried since he left. What really set me off is now that the divorce is final X is in a panic and calls alot and has told me he misses me ect. It really stirs up all of the old feelings for him to hear him cry. I know deep in my heart that I do love him but that until he can straighten his life out and maybe that will be never I have to cont. to live my own life the best I can.<P>I wish I had some wise words of wisdom but I don't, just know that you are not alone.<P>Jill

jayhawk,<P>I wish I knew the right thing to say, but I don't. Keep your chin up and head high. You are stronger than your were 5 months ago and getting stronger everyday. You don't feel like it all the time, but you really are...<P>Happy holidays to you....<P>------------------<BR><B>God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Jayhawk,<BR>In the divorce recovery program I went to, they said the emotion we go thru in a divorce situation are like a slippery slope. You climb out so far only to slip back down. That is what has happened to you.<P>Now you must clean yourself off and start climbing again, this time you will make it further and when you slip, you won't go down as far. You will probably notice that it doesn't take you as long to get out of your depression each time this occurs.<P>Hang in!<P>Bob

Jayhawk...<P>I can feel your pain...and as much as I'd like to be able to wash that pain and depression away I can not. The final feelings are like if you have ever lost a loved one or close friend to death. Try to remember that if most people lose a loved one to death that after they have gone the pain and grief and sadness does not all lift one day and blow aways out to sea.<P>It s a slow process, gradual but the key is it is a process that you can not stop, fight or alter and your divorce is much like the same thing as how people cope and endure the death of a loved one or family member.<P>So yes it will be a road with many bumps in it and for sure as most have said the Holiday time period does make it hurt all the more. But to move on you have got to "Let It Bleed" and let it out...you can not hold the pain back and when you grieve and get that out of your heart and soul...then you can take the first step back up the mountain and begin to heal. It is a slow process and like you my experience was tough...and as I read some of the posts to your threat I'm amased I made it back...my divorce, and yes I had to put my best friend to sleep at the Vet and I thought I was going to crash...and then then when I thought I had hit the bottom and was trying to climb my way back my Father died! So be strong, self-care is important for your at this time in your life and you gotta let it out so you can begin to heal.<P>I wish you serenity and peace as you move down your path to mourn your loss and begin to heal your soul.<P>mrrlk

((((((((Jayhawk))))))))<P>I sure do miss the man I've been flirting with. I know he's here. Just have him e-mail me or call me if he needs to. <P>Then again, perhaps he has found a princess more fair than this one. If so, he must needs let me know. Though my heart shall be rent assunder, I shall recover.