.<p>[This message has been edited by Trying to move on (edited March 26, 2001).]

Holiday season can be a real downer. Make sure you are with family or good friends. Go to church, visit several people, do volunteer work, and etc. The key is stay busy. Our family is going thru a rough time. It is very hard, especially when there are kids involved. Stay strong, and keep the faith.

Ditto what HaloHeart Said!!<P>I also was feeing very down, but since visiting family and friend instead being a hermit, I have found that its much easier. Not necessarily Easy, but definitely easier!!<P>Hang in there.........<P>------------------<BR><B>God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

count me in there too..but then I always<BR>get depressed at the holidays..

I was doing fine -- until I took my son (17) over to his Dad's a short time ago so he can spend XMAS eve with him and HER car was in the driveway. This is my XH's GF from grad school, the one who DUMPED HIM, and now, 20 years later, came back into his life --although she is now an Episcopal priest (he's an atheist, always has been, can't stand and can't understand that his brother went evangelical a few years ago), left her kids with *her* XH 10 years ago (my X felt, when we were married that ANYONE who would move away from their kids for ANY reason was scum), and she's FAT (he HATES fat women, he has always said).<BR>Funny how she is still so very OK.<BR>Guess there's comfort in old ties. Or something. <BR>I am doing a low, slow boil -- which is better than a few years ago. There's her stupid car! She's with him!<BR>They seem to have something he would never have with me, give me, create with me.<P>And the rotten thing is they SHOULD have gotten together, gotten married and had kids. 20 years ago. And I urged him to go back and drag her away from her new BF, the one she left my then-BF for. Get closure and all that. And then I would not have had to live this crappy life that he's had so much influence on. I love 20/20 hindsight. No knowing the WHOLE time there was really another he wanted (and he admitted that all along), no child HE wanted but I didn't -- not at THAT time, but maybe later, no stupid move to CA which I STILL HATE WITH ALL MY BEING 14 years later, no failed attempts at counseling (he didn't even try), no divorce, no financial problems.<BR>I'd be free, free as a bird, might have even reached some of the goals I had at age 20 that I gave up for this moron, this jerk who then turns right around after ruining MY LIFE and picks up again with his old GF -- even if God is her focus, her priority and her work, she left her kids, and she's FAT.<P>Today I wish BOTH of them would just vaporize. No violence, no damage. Just POOF!<BR>And that would be that. <BR>I can't wait to move far, far away from them both. WV.

I saw a line in WV's reply that I have felt since my wife left town with the OM. Why she couldn't try to build or create with ME when I was willing to do so ??<P>She supposedly came up to pick up her mother for today and will bring her back tomorrow. I know her mother's disapointment with her daughter and wonder if my W is trying to make her accept this?? But since they don't communicate in that family, there may be nothing said about it.<P>This will be the second Christmas apart, and not even having the MIL to talk to makes me feel VERY isolated. <P>Going to a candle light service tonight out of town just for something different.<P>Happy Holidays to all, the best we can.<BR>rrunrr<P><P>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.<P>Never take trust for granted.

Sorry to all who posted on this thread about having a down day. <P>The holidays are always bad for some people. I never truly understood it until my ex left me last year on xmas day.<P>I made it thru with no trouble and I honestly feel weird that it "wasn't" bad for me.<P>I hope and pray that all of you will find some peace soon so next year might be a little better.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Dana, I understand why..when I was growing up<BR>my parents fought..usually over money they spent on christmas..on things us kids didn't want..so all before the holidays they went and spent and spent and spent..on stupid things we didn't ask for or want..I didn't want $200 worth of stupid toys..one year ALL<BR>I asked for was a slinky..thats all I wanted..I didn't even get to play with it..my sister and her friend took it to *see how long it would stretch* .I wanted to take dance lessons..but my parents were always complaining they didn't have the money<BR>for that because they were still paying off christmas from the year b4..so I didn't get to do other things I wanted and would have enjoyed doing..<P>Then there were the saturday and sunday football games when mom would go "Christmas<BR>shopping" and leave me home alone with dad, he would get drunk..and the abuse would start..I would literally beg her to take me with her..I remember one time I was lying on the ground kicking and screaming..tears running down face begging to go..as my dad<BR>drug me back in the house..and all I could<BR>hear was my mom telling me NO, you can't go..<BR>I don't remember anything else from that day..I didn't even remember my dad being there..but my sister was in the car going with our mother..and she remembered my father dragging me by the feet back into the house<BR>saying no, I need you here..you can't go..<BR>she said she always wondered why my mom didn't take me..and what was so important that I stay there..to this day I hate shopping, and I hate the holidays..<P>but this year was worse cause the kids were with their dad..alone..and he called me drunk..at 1:30 in the morning..and it just hit me harder than usual...usually I am with the kids..and can protect them from his angry outburst..(he's been known to punch holes in the walls when he's mad) which puts that fear into the kids..also why it's taken me so long to be strong enough to leave..a year of counseling..and two years of emotional growth<BR>and going to school part time and starting a new job after not having worked outside the home in eight years.. to know that I am strong enough to get out..and that with the grace and strength of God I can make it<BR>without him..stbx has become even more angry<BR>and more verbally abusive the past couple months..because I won't budge on wanting to <BR>go back to that..he says I am hard hearted..<BR>but I've had to learn to be so the words don't hurt anymore..and the guilt and condemnation doesn't get the best of me..<BR>but I guess it hit me pretty bad this year..<BR>but at least I knew what it was that caused the depression..and was able to journal the feelings out onto paper..so that helped...

I only cried once on Christmas day and that was during distribution of presents. Especially the hand made ones from the kids. It is a bummer but only one more to go!!!<P>I suspect sleep will be difficult on New Years eve! I am thinking about a chat party after the kids go to bed!

Actually Christmas Day wasn't so bad. it went better than I expected. But then I expected alot of angry feelings and we had a rather long talk (5 hours)during the early morning hours on Christmas Day.<P>Thinks have gotten worse though since then. I'm suppose to go out and have fun but don't know if I can do it. I'm really dreading NYE.

Guess I too would like to go sleep and wake up on Jan 2d....I have felt like this for years.<P>Had a good cry this morning (really a pity party). And I am supposed to be a Christian, I'm a minister, I know what the Word of God teaches about trust/faith etc/etc....but I was really down today.<P>My fiance is in Germany visiting her Dad. It came up at the last minute, she got a call that her Dad might not make it and she felt she had to go. She left Dec 19th and won't be returning til Jan 18th.<P>I spoke with her on Sunday, Christmas Eve but haven't heard from her since.<P>I know all the blah/blah about staying busy and involved, but I just don't have the heart. I just want to go home to my apartment, close the door and isolate myself.<P>Oh well, I've got to believe for brighter days.<P>[censored]

Not too bad ... not too good. <P>Have new GF. Saw my family. OTOH, business has some year-end pressures. <P>Call it bittersweet.

Well, I survived. We ALL survived, didn't we?<BR>I only cried a few times on Christmas Eve, there I was all alone, no one to love me, sob-sob -- and 2 days later realized it was *also* and probably LARGELY due to PMS! : )<BR>Got up on Christmas day and drove into the city where I went to the service at a legendary church in the heart of the slum area and listened with awe and no small JOY to the huge gospel R&B choir and the sermon by the spitfire pastor of the church who raises the roof and reminds everyone of what's what. I came out of there in much better spirits and was GLAD to see my son around noon.<BR>I also learned that XH's GF went back east (thought those rev's were supposed to work on Christmas!) and he was merely keeping her car for her (oh) and my XH did NOT go to church at all, despite what I have feared (goofy I know)would be the GF's sterling influence on his spiritual life, the part of him he would not let me touch or even address. Guess nothing changes and character comes to the fore again. We made it!!!!

Blue... good color for the way this year felt, but in all, it was a nice holiday for us. The girls and I had several older friends over for Christmas Eve dinner, it was our gift of bringing those without families together. On Christmas morning the girls opened their presents and we sat around and enjoyed the day, later went to a buffet at the next door neighbors. It was a nice quiet day, that only had one pall to it... STBX spent 8 hours across the street and not once bothered to wish his children a Merry Christmas. <P>lori

Bangarra,<P>thats his loss, but it is something the<BR>kids will always remember..and it will show<BR>in their relationship with him..and he won't<BR>even have a clue as to why..

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 25, 2001).]