My husband of two years divorced me about eight months ago. We still see each other from time to time. When we are together all we do is hold each other and cry. He tells me he made a mistake and wants to get back with me, that he left me because he wanted more out of his life. I do love him and the thought of not having him in my life is horrible. I need to know how he is and how his life is going. I'm afraid that if we get back together he will just leave me again. It was horrible for me the first time and I do not want to go through it again. I need advice.

Really not much I personally can say to you there, but to be honest there are alot of us here who wish we had your problem instead of the inevitable outcome that's on it's way.....Only you can make the decision on whether or not it's worth another try, but from what you're saying, I believe you already know the answer don't you. If he's truly serious, talk to him. Let him know what you're afraid of and why, don't hide it or assume he'll know, spell it out for him. Whatever you decide, good luck. Jax

I would suggest you two not try going it alone. Retrouvaille, PAIRS, a Gottman weekend in Seattle, or long-term marital therapy *first* -- before you even try to recommit to each other. Don't just "see where it goes" ... find out of it has the stuff to get there, and then (assuming it is OK), drive it there yourself.

L Kay,<P>That is a tough one. Like Jax said, there are many of us here that wish we were in your shoes - but at the same time I think we all know that we would be going through the same things you are. All I can speak from is my heart, so here is what I believe:<P>I made the decision several months ago that I do believe in my wife and my marriage. Even after all the garbage she has put me through (and there has been a lot). But I have also realized that I can not put my life on hold and wait for her. Religion plays a strong role in my life so making this choice was even that much more difficult.<P>So here is what I decided: If before or after my divorce is finalized, my wife comes to me and asks if I am willing to try again - I owe it to myself, to her and to God to give it one last chance. To see if there is anything left in my heart for her. Now of course if there is someone new in my life (which will probalbly be the case knowing my luck), I know that it will be that much more difficult. And if that is the case, I would need to really examine whether I have dedicated myself fully to the new relationship. If that is true, then I have to go with my "new" commitment and unfortunately it will have to be my wife's bad luck. <P>But if she "comes back", I will try again. What exactly "try again" means, I have no way of knowing at this point - nor do I spend my time thinking about all the possibilities. I just know that if it truly was meant to be, God will work some kind of miracle either one way or the other.<P>Now, how does this apply to you? You wrote two things that caught my attention, first that when you are together, both of your emotions are right there at the top. To me, that is a good sign that there is still love for each other on both your behalfs. The next thing that I read was that you find it hard to imagine your life without him. Don't discount that feeling, it may be your love giving you reasons to keep trying. Finally his comments may be a sign that he is coming out of the "fog" as it is known here. Don't write off his feelings and his words because of his past actions. Remember that what happened in the past does not matter now - all that really matters is the future.<P>And as Sisyphus wrote, don't rush back into things. Take your time - you have both of your lives ahead of you. Fix what is broke in both of you individually first. Start out slow, AND start with outside help.<P>Sure it is a huge risk to take on both of your parts. A risk that will require much love and trust - things that don't just appear out of no where. And I can imagine that it may be just as difficult, even more so, than as you went through your divorce. I do truly believe that love can conquer all though - It just takes faith in yourselves, in God and in each other.<P>And one more thing - Don't let others sway you in one way or another. You got married because of your love for one another - no one else was involved with that. If you decide to try again, there are sure to be people who will be telling you that you are crazy. But remember that they don't know what is in your and your X's heart. Stay true to that.<P>Good luck and God Bless.<P>Mike

L Kay, <P>If you still love your x, then create a plan to give both of you the kind of marraige that was lacking before. Seek counseling, BOTH of you make the commitment. <BR>As it has been said here, many of us would want that second chance with our spouses. And, yes, the pain if it didn't work would be awful. But what if it did work?? You could build a wondeful marriage again. But, do some soul searching, and get help. <P>------------------<BR>Susan