I'm turning toward my friends instead of turning inward! You guys, I am over tired, over emotional, and oh my god, dying for a real live hug from someone. What I wouldn't give to curl up in someone's lap tonight!!<P>Why do you all live 1000 miles away?<P>Will you please send a couple cyberhugs, and hopefully I'll feel better in the morning.<P>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

You got it FW!<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{FaithfulW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>****** <~~ That's a pat of the back for good measure. <P> I know exactly what you mean. It was hell forcing myself to make new friends (I was new to the area when xH left) and putting myself into the world at large. Hang in there, keep a stiff upper lip(lol, I'm not even sure what that means), buck up, and seize the day!<P> (((FW)))<BR>~~Mynabird

Here you go, {{{{{{{{{Faithful Wife}}}}}}}}} and boy do I understand. I too am starved for hugging, hand-holding, affection. Cyberhugs, and prayers.<P>I make do with petting animals and with the easy affection of our child and his friends. His oldest friend has a 6 year old little sister, who loves everyone, and acts like you are a special honored guest when you come to their home. She sits on your lap, arms around your neck, shows you her toys, brings their toy size dog up with her, it's utterly charming. You feel like the Queen of the world.<P>Comfort, hugs, and more comfort, cyberfriend.<P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Hark? is that what i hear?<P>A damsel in distress! YES!<P>Tom gets on his black steed, grabs the reins,<BR>turns Balck Beauty, spurs him gently twice and off he is dashing towards the despondent dudette.<P>Upon arrival, he dismounts, and takes the cheerless chick in his arms and gives a great big<P><B> {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{cj}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR></B><P>and they lived happily ever after. <haha><P>tom

((((((((((CJ))))))))))<P>We aren't as far away as it seems! Hot bath, hot tea, sleep......I know, I know, it doesn't make up for the wish to have a REAL hug.<P>I'll check on you in the morning and think of you tonight!<P>((((((Hugs to CJ)))))<P>Ragamuffin

So sorry to hear of your blueness? I've been there lots of times. My children are gone this week and I have too much time to think. Anyway, they have wanted me to keep lighting the menorah while they were gone and it's been very hard for me to do. I'll be sure and do so tonight. And I'll use it to say a prayer for you. I know that's not the real idea. But since I'm not jewish, I guess I can't be expected to follow all the protocol.<P>(((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))There are so many people here who love you. We care very much that you're having a tough time. Just think, In four weeks you are coming to Nashville. Then lots of your friends can really give you hugs. I think it's going to be great.<P>Can you chalk part of this funk up to hormones? I know some months seem much darker and bleaker than others. When I can, I chalk it up to that because I know things will change within me in only a matter of days.<P>(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((((((((((((CJ)))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

{{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hope better days are on the way. Hang in there girl.<P>Dana<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hang in there Dear...It shall pass....<P>Been all through it...My wounds have healed and only light scars remain...My future is Bright and full of hope...<P>I'll shall leave you with this...<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

((((((((((CJ))))))))))<P>Thank you for not going inward. We all love you here and worry about you! You know that all of us here are always ready and willing to give you all the hugs that you can use!<P>((((((((((CJ))))))))))<P>-Java

Hugs to you, Dear.......hey we all need it!! <BR>I will be thinking of you and sending you special good thoughts tonight.<P>------------------<BR>Susan

<BR> Dudette....<P> Hears a hug and if ya feel like kickin a man in the donkey , I'm bending over.....<P> Gary....

CJ,<P>Slide your chair back from the computer, wrap your arms around yourself.... <BR>Now Squeeze...<P>Squeeze tighter......<P>Even tighter, I know you have it in you!!!!<P>Considered yourself hugged!!!!<P>Smile and have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Jenn<BR>

How are you this morning? You're so special! <P>Now, put your righ hand on the back of your left shoulder. Put your left hand on the back of your right shoulder. Squeeze tightly. A little tighter. You can squeeze just a little tighter. I know you can. <P>Ok, that should do. Hope that helps!!!

Everyone, thank you so much. I am feeling better this morning. I've learned the most valuable lesson, and that is when I turn toward people they can often teach me something about myself that I did not even know. <P>Thus, I owe one big "Thank You" to Cinderella for pointing out that I will be in Nashville in just 28 days, and then I can hug EVERYONE! Yay! <P>I owe another big "Thank You" to OffOnOnOff who wrote to me in another spot and said I should relax and take care of myself. At the time I wondered what the heck he was talking about, but now I realize that he must have seen it coming before I did. Good one, OOOO!<P>Next, I owe a big thank you to Nick (c00ker), who didn't even write here at all, but who knew right away I was starving for affection. Dude, when you said that, I hadn't even figured that out myself! You guys are so intuitive.<P>Last, but not least, BIG thanks to Tom (WIFTT) for rescuing me. {{{{{Tom}}}}} THANK YOU!<P>I know on an occasion I tend to get this way, and it always helps to know my friends are thinking of me, sending cyberhugs, and prayers. <P>Now, thank you Mynabird for your stiff upper lip comment. Unfortunately I did cry a little, but I realized it was sleep deprivation and eventually my upper lip stopped quivering.<P>Thanks, Domestic Goddess, for your thoughts about the kids. It's so true. I spoke to my kids (son 14yo and daughter 11yo) about how I felt, and they told me, "Mom, you go to sleep. After all these years tucking us in everynight, this time we'll tuck you in." Can you believe that? Makes me teary just to think about it.<P>Ragamuffin, my twin, I shall write to you a little later, but you are so right. A hot chocolate helped a lot last night.<P>Your majesty, I was thinking of you last night as I lit my menorah. Did you get yours lit alright? It's beautiful, isn't it?<P>DanaB, you're right. I just had one sorta lonely night. That must be why I went to bed at 8:30!<P>Bill, all I can say is that I can not wait to meet you in Nashville. You've been such a wise council here, and I look forward to telling you in person.<P>Java, chick, I'll write to you later too. But I'm glad I turned toward people too. I swear, one of these weekends in January, you and I and Butterfly and Jax have GOT to get together.<P>Sue, thank you so much. You're right, we all need it from time to time.<P>Gary, dude!! I haven't heard from you in a while--how are you? I have to confess I miss you. Write us all an update if you have a minute. BTW, I am a chick!!<P>Jenn, I followed your advice to the T, and I feel better. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.<P>Thank you everyone. You all have meant so much to me. You can write to my email some time if you feel like it: cindy_wolfe@blm.gov. Love you all!<P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Hi CJ,<P>I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm sorry for not getting a hug on sooner.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

CJ<P>You made an excellent point that struck a nerve within. You said: "I am turning to my friends instead of turning inward".<P>I know this is the best approach, but I seem incapable at this time of doing this. All I want to do is turn inward, isolate and be alone.<P>The last several nights, I've gone home, sat down and had dinner watching the news/weather, taken a long, hot shower in the dark (it's like a tranquilizer to me and very therapeutic). I also pray alot in the shower.<P>Then I've gone to bed between 7-8 pm, not because I was tired, but because right now I'm separated from my fiancee and I haven't heard from her for 5 days (she's in Germany).<P>Tonight 2 of our best friends want to take me out to dinner and I'm seriously considering telling them I just want to be alone.<P>Also, my son invited me over tomorrow night along with 2 of my daughters and friends of his from out of state. I am going to tell him I just can't face his friends because of the divorce I went through with his mother (they knew us both) + I just can't handle being around situations where there's 'couples' and I'm alone.<P>CJ, I know I'm wrong in turning inward, but I just don't have the heart to reach out...I hurt too bad.<P>Thanks for letting me share.<P>[censored] from Texas

(((((((((([censored]))))))))))<P>"All I want to do is turn inward, isolate and be alone."<P>"I just can't handle being around situations where there's 'couples' and I'm alone."<P>At times turning inward is not a bad thing, neither is struggling to do something you may end up enjoyed having done. (sharing time with people you'd rather not be around or at a "couples" gathering as a person in attendance alone)<P>See, you would be "alone" by either one of your choices. Surprise yourself and take that painful step to share your time with your kids and/or some friends. REACH......<P>((((((((((CJ))))))))))<P>How are you doing girl? Thinkin' of ya!!!!!!!!<P>Ragamuffin

Cinderella, I have some chanukah material here. What do you need to know in terms of protocal? By the way, Chanukah was over Thurs, Dec. 28. Our newspaper had a special magazine in it, included the order of lighting the candles, (R to L), and the blessings in hebrew and English. Ask me if you would like any of this.:<P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

(((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))<BR>(((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))<BR>(((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))<BR>(((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))<P>Hey Chick, I'm glad that you've turned toward your friends out here rather than going the other way and turning in.<P>You hang in there and just take care of yourself.<P>(((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))<BR>(((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))<BR>(((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))

Bellevue - Your right - yesterday was the last day of Hanukkah. I'm not Jewish at all just have the most interesting children I know of. Daughter was distraught over not getting an invitation to a friend's party because they weren't having one. CJ sent me a menorah for them. They know songs, have dreidels. They got a thrill out of lighting the candles. We even got it right and lit them right to left. I would love some information. I can't wait until d asks me to find a Kwanzaa celebration that will let us attend. I have a feeling that if I call around, I can find someone or some group that will not freak at the request.