{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[censored]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm so sorry you feel that way! Doesn't it feel like you are drowning in it sometimes? I must admit, last night I just felt like I couldn't keep my head above water! <P>My natural tendency is to turn inward, to reflect and basically figure it out myself. Now, I'm pretty gregarious, and I love people, and I love to talk, but when it comes down to healing and gathering energy and figuring out what the heck happened, I turn inward. It has been the hardest struggle for me to take the risk to tell people out loud what is happening inside. At first, I used to think, if I let some of this out, it will be overwhelming. Guess what? It wasn't. I actually had people who cared about me and helped me carry the load. <P>[censored], I know it is so hard to let others know you hurt. It feels like weakness and inadequacy sometimes. But what I'm still in the process of learning is that letting people know makes me feel better AND makes them feel better that they can help a friend. I'm also giving people the chance to see the real me, and that's a valuable gift. <P>I don't think it's "wrong" to turn inward, [censored]. Sometimes it can be very valuable to reflect upon yourself, your values, and stuff. But in some ways, you are cheating yourself, [censored]. You aren't allowing yourself to be comforted by those who love you, and you aren't allowing them the pleasure of comforting you. If you can, please reach out a little bit to one person--maybe your son. If you can't, for right now you have reached out to us just be writing. I know we came down on you pretty hard before (you know when), but I hope you KNOW that we all still value you and care about you very, VERY much.<P>Here are hugs to help you feel better:<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[censored]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[censored]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[censored]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[censored]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[censored]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>CJ<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Faithful Wife:<P>Wow! I never been 'hugged' before on MB and I have been posting for 18 months. In fact, I couldn't figure out for the longest period of time what (((((((((-----))))))) meant..now I know.<P>Thank you CJ, I receive your hugs. Yes, 3 days ago, I sat at my dining room table, listening to Christian music, drinking a cup of hot tea and was literally drowning in self-pity.<P>I'm ashamed of myself, because I am supposed to be more mature than that, plus being a Christian and a Minister.<P>My problem is, I feel sometimes I care too much, feel too deeply. Even though I consider myself a 'man's man', I am not a typical text book man because I show emotion openly, weep openly and have deep, sensitive feelings. Plus I am a 'hopeless romantic' who is finally discovering what it means to really be 'in love'.<P>I have always struggled with the unknown, not knowing what was happening or going on. I went through a divorce in March of this year after a 4 year separation and numerous attempts to reconcile.<P>So, I have basically been alone for almost 5 years. Plus being separated from the girl I love and feel God brought into my life this time of the year is the pits.<P>A good friend of mine shared some counsel with me the other night, I really didn't want to hear (but knew it was still truth). He said "sometimes we just have to bear up under the pain and wait it out".<P>Ouch!<P>Anyway...thanks for the hugs and by the way, I really don't know your situation. Are you married, separated or divorced? I really admire your courage to reach out instead of turning inward. <P>Have a blessed New Year and may 2001 be a year of New Beginnings for you, for us all.<P>[censored] from Texas

[censored] from Texas,<P>Is there an "in between"? I hate it when people ask me what my status is, because they haven't invented words for all the in between stages. I'm technically still married, we are living separately in different houses, have been to the mediator but have no signed legal separation or divorce document, and right now we are fighting over who will file. Seems kind of long for a status, doesn't it? <P>[censored], what makes you think that you shouldn't occasionally feel self-pity? You are human, right (just checking)? Are Christians exempt or something? Are ministers not allowed to stumble a little? Come on! Don't be so tough on yourself. We all feel lonely, sad, and pitiful sometimes, whether we are Christians or not, whether we are official ministers or not. Boy, just because you got your minister diploma doesn't mean you have to be such a perfect person. I know people in your congregation may expect that sometimes or view you as "super spiritual", but you and I know that in real life you are a human man, dealing with all the stuff a human man deals with like loneliness, self-doubt, and yes even pity. That's not all, you're even a human man dealing with the needs of a human man, like companionship, affections, admiration, and (whisper here) sexual fulfillment. BTW, don't worry, I won't tell your congregation that you occasionally even miss "that"--I won't tell the people on that one thread either (haha).<P>You know, being a man who cares and feels very deeply is a wonderful GIFT, not a problem. I'm thrilled that there's a man out there who weeps in hopelessly sentimental situations, who shows his feelings, and who is romantic. WOW, you are about nine steps ahead of most guys, because the ladies don't have to explain emotion and romance to you!! Yay! And as one friend recently pointed out to me, why is it "HOPELESS" to be sentimental? <P>I think I see the picture emerging. Your lady love is away, so you feel lonely. You're the minister, so you have a certain expectation. And anyway, who is a minister supposed to turn to for comfort anyway? Well, try to reach out to someone there who loves you, and if you just can't you can turn here. You can always turn to me, personally too!<P>Happy New Year, [censored]. I second your sentiment, may 2001 be a year of new beginnings for us all. One more for the new year:<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[censored]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

CJ<P>You really preached me a good sermon. You had some very practical, down to earth things to share.<P>By the way, I am not a 'Pastor', in other words I don't have a congregation. I am an ordained minister and I do teach and minister but I am employed in the business world<BR>(Senior Consultant).<P>You asked if there was a category for people like you! Boy! Can I 'empathize' with you because I've 'been there, done that and even own a t-shirt'.<P>I was 'married but separated' for 4 years before the divorce. Not legally separated, just separated but still married (in the eyes of both God and the State of Texas).<P>So, I struggled to find my place where I belonged because tho' I was legally married I was separated and alone. I wasn't divorced I was sort of in 'limbo land' like the man without a country.<P>Sooooooo, I totally and personally understand right where you are and it stinks! I hurt for you my friend.<P>Again, thanks for you words of encouragement and I need to remember "Christians are perfect, only forgiven"....we are still liable to temptation, feelings and emotions.<P>Yes, I am very much a romantic person, I am a communicator, I am becoming very involved in relationships/communication and I hate all the stero-type junk about men.<P>I believe the Biblical term of 'submission' applies to BOTH the man and the woman. I feel very few men really know how to treat a lady and love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it.<P>This is why I am believing for a 2d chance to love my future wife in the way God intended, that a man should love, value, respect, esteem, honor, cherish and protect his wife.<BR>The Bible says the man should be a covering for his wife.<P>I have told the Lord now for almost 5 years that "I want to be the shelter from the storm rather than being the storm".<P>I have a hard time masking my feelings, I am very open and transparent. Actually by being totally open and honest, this has been a tremendous help in my getting set free from old behavior patterns.<P>I am 'free' but I am certainly not perfect. I like, even love WHO I am, but I don't always like or love WHAT I do.<P>Hey......thanks for letting me share and again I bless thee my child!<P>[censored] from Texas (Fort Worth)

{{{{{{[censored]}}}}}}<P>I dont' know what post CJ is referring to, I don't have a lot of time these days on the board, but just wanted to pop in and say "Hang in there".<P>I think all hopeless romantics are over sensitive! ITs not a bad thing! <P>We all have down times , but your up time will come back around and when it does, give yourself the best care, attention, self pep talks, whatever you can to keep your spirits lifted high, so when the down times come, they are not so overwhelming.<P>better days are ahead!<BR>Dana<BR>