I have posted on other forums here before but never on this one. For those who don't know about my situation I will briefly describe. My W had an affair this year. To what extent I don't know. I'm sure it was PA but cannot prove it.She says he is just a friend. She also got mixed up in a group of friends that are terrible. We did get married too young and now she is living out her partying years. She is unwilling to work on things and says that she is unhappy. And she wants to be single again. She and I were seperated for a while because that was the only way she would got to counseling.During the seperation she was having druggie people and her brother staying and coming over to the jouse all the time. She even allowed on a couple of occasions drunk men to stay the night to sleep it off on the couch. All in front of my 2 little boys.One is 4 the other is 20months. Well I moved back home to protect my kids. She has filed for divorce and is trying to get everything. Including the kids. As far as I am concerned I can buy everything that she wants to take as far as out possesions. But I want the best for my kids. I feel that I can give them a more stable home than my W can. I have been told that it is bad to keep kids away from their mother. Which is not my intent. I just want a safe place for them to live. And she wants them as a means to get my money.I would apprciate as much advise as I can get, we go to court soon. I want what is best for the kids. Anyone who has gone through this your thought would be appreciated. Are there any fathers out there who have custody of their kids?

Yes, we have custodial fathers here.<P>Getting the children, if you are the father, can be tough in some cases. Can you prove these things you say about your wife and her "friends"? Would go a long way in your efforts. RWD is a custodial father as is Chris123. They might can give you some info. Can you get into the marital home and get her to move out leaving them with you?

<B>wantmyfamtogether</B>,<P>Yes...<P>There are several of us fathers with kids...<BR>...some had to fight harder than others...<BR>...and some didn't make it.<P>I was a lucky one. <P>Rule #1... <B>DON'T LEAVE THE HOME</B>!<P>Rule #2... <B>DON'T LEAVE THE HOME</B>!<P>Rule #3... <B>DON'T LEAVE THE HOME</B>!<P>...it goes on for a few more of the next few dozen rules...<P>Over and beyond that...<P>If you need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P>Now... here is a site you will want to check out...<BR>But let me caution you on this...<BR>...it <B>is</B> anti-marriage!!!<BR>FRTC site: <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/" TARGET=_blank>Fathers Rights To Custody(FRTC)</A><P>My W also tried to "play" the children against me...<BR>...threatening to take them out-of-state<BR>...have the OM become their <I>new</I> dad<BR>...keep me from moving within 15-miles of where they live<BR>...and a boat load of other things.<P>She eventually showed her true colors by abandoning them... moved out-of-state with OM... and left the kids with me (after I spent big bucks on child custody).<P>She then proceded to have all communications go through attorneys...<BR>...ringing up incredible legal fees...<P>Now my divorce will be final in a few days... to a few weeks.<P>I Plan A-ed as long as I can...<BR>...and even tried my best after she moved out to continue Plan A...<BR>...but she accepted none of it.<P>I have used Plan A to make me a better person (maybe future husband again...) in the mean time.<P>From your story...<BR>...you need to start documenting <B>EVERYTHING</B>!<P>Get a micro-tape recorder...<BR>...record your conversations with her (if allowed by your state)<BR>...take pictures if possible<BR>...write down everything in a daily (private) journal... <=== THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!<BR>...write down everything that people (friends, family, whoever)... tell you.<P>Ask your attorney for "psychiatric" evaluations of both of you!!! ASAP!<P>It is a hard battle for many fathers...<BR>...but it can happen!<BR>...really bring<P> <P>Jim

I am documenting everything. And I have been for the last 6 months. I also believe that I can prove most of what I have said> I will admit some is hearsay but I also have witnesses to most of it. I do have two attorneys that are real good. I just hope that I can afford them, through the whole legal battle. We go to court on th 12th to decide temporary matters. And she has already said that she will find a new place to live. But she wants to take the kids with her. Her attorney might change her mind. I do know that she has one of the cheapest attorneys in town. And I am hoping that you get what you pay for.

Hello there from another custodial father. I have a 7 yo son and a 20 month old daughter.<P>Here is my opinion:<P>You made a mistake leaving the marital home. Hopefully, you can overcome this with your actions now.<P>In my state (California), custody is supposed to go to the parent that is more closely bound to the children. What does this mean? Well, it is a term of art, not science. It comes down to who performs most of the activities of daily living with the child. Gets them up, dressed, does homework, baths, bed. That kind of thing. Luckily, at the time of our separation, I was a grad student and did these things most of the time. So, my advice is to get her out of the house as much as possible so that you can show a pattern of being there for your kids. I don't mean throw her out, but if she wants to go out and drink, carouse, or whatever, let her. Use the Parenting Time Tracker on the FRTC website referenced above to keep track of the time that she is out of the house. The judge and custody evaluator were impressed by this in my case.<P>Unfortunately, the courts here care very little about what either parent does in their personal life. My stbx had a long history of drug abuse, but since she said she had been clean for a year, they pretty much disregarded it. So I don't think you will get much mileage out of this one.<P>My stbx has played the "it is bad to keep kids away from their mother" card at every opportunity. Our judge has not bought this one yet. I think he knows (as much as they can in the LA courts) that she is the one that left, so her contention rings hollow.<P>A word of caution. This will be expensive. I have spent over $8,000 and we have no property or any money to fight over. I have another hearing in February and at least one more after that before the divorce is even close to final.<P>Good Luck. I don't post much anymore. I am not in the marriage building phase, I guess. But I check in pretty often. Or if you need to, my email is bmstern@hotmail.com.<P>If things are as you say, this could be the most important thing you do in your life (no pressure, huh?). Try to keep the emotion out of it. Something I have not been too successful with. Don't give up the fight. Even if you do not get primary, get as close as you can to 50/50.<P>Oh, and one more thing. Not to scare you further, but once the custody issue is decided, it is very hard to change, unless the CP does something really stupid. So fight as hard as you can the first time.<P>Good Luck again<p>[This message has been edited by grandpabri (edited December 31, 2000).]

Sorry I missed your thread earlier.<BR>I have joint custody with my x and I am what they call the residential parant here in Ohio, that is the kids live with me and the x has visitation.<P>I was able to get my kids very easy. When I first discovered my x's affair, I immediately said I wanted a divorce pretty much like most people. I said I wanted the kids and the x said okay. He never once said she wanted the kids. <P>When it did come up, she said it was because of her work schedule that she couldn't take the kids, and since mine was so flexible it would be better for them. ONly onve or twice has she threatened to take them away from me as their mother.<P>But she has done such stupid stuff, like leave our son, then 8yo asleep in the car at a shopping mall with a high crime rate. Then just last yr, she went to Fl to get married on our son's birthday. I would be more than happy to trot that info out in court if she ever tries to take the kids from me.<P>My x also left the house. After attempting reconciliation, I found out she was still seeing the om, I told her she couldn't live here at home and continue dating, so she made plans to leave. When I caught her with om the next day ata motel and confronted her, she left that night.<P>If you cannot save the marriage, you may do that, tell her she can't live there and date. It doesn't ahve legal status, but maybe you can force her hand one way or the other.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>Bob