Now I don't post much anymore, but this one I need some help with.<P>For those who don't remember, here is the Reader's Digest version. STBXW started PA in October '99, moved in with OM March '00. I have primary custody of the two kids, 7 and 20 months. I live in San Diego and she is in Los Angeles.<P>New Year's Day. Now according to the parenting plan (California speak for visitation schedule), she has time from 8 am 1/1 to 8am 1/2.<P>I started a paper route to pay the lawyer's bills. So after I got done, came home and took a nap. Woke up about 9 am, saw there was a message from her. Called her back and she said where are the kids. Well, sorry, says I, I slept late and will have them up there soon. Then I find out that she is at work. Now I have right of first refusal, so if she is working, she has to ask me first before *anyone* else watches the kids. So I told her that I was not going to bring the kids up then, but would be happy to have them up there when she got off work. She demanded that I bring the kids up right then and hand them over to OM. I don't think so. I repeated that I would be happy to have them there when she got off work. She said, "You are going to be in so much trouble when we go back to court." and hung up. What, next she is going to tell my mommy?<P>So now it is 3 pm and I haven't heard from her. I would be happy to trade the time if she would ask, but I won't offer.<P>So what do y'all think? Should I have delivered the kids to OM so he can spend time with them when I have the day off and she has to work?<P>Thanks for your opinions

You did right...<P>Her time is not "time for the OM"...<P>I suggest you get all this in writting by e-mailing her...<BR>...and get her response in writing!!!<P>Take the high road!<P> <P>Jim

Grand Pabri,<P>Long time no see. I remember you but did NOT realize your youngest was so young. Congratulations to you for having the children.<P>I agree with Jim. VISITATION is for the parent. Not some other person. <P>Unfortunately I get in this predicament, OW spends most of the time with my 3 daughters. I tried to fight it, but the court wouldn't help me or my kids, so I gave up for the sake of the kids not knowing the problem existed.<P>As far as I know, all states are different anyhow,but I doubt you'll get in trouble for this. PLUS, they aren't married, right? <P>I think if they were married, that might change the outcome.<P>Good luck,<BR>Dana<BR>

grandpabri--<P>LTNS. <P>Merely from personal experience and a completely non-legal standpoint, I believe your STBX's attorney will advise her to keep references to OM out of the picture. If she brings the lost visitation up, the judge may order substituting another day in its place and advising you both to adhere to the visitation schedule in the future. If she pushes to refer to the OM even in the most general of terms, I'll bet your attorney will be sharp enough to cast doubt on the scenario. Discuss with your counsel.<P>Our own situation got so murky and stressing, the attorneys suggested mediation through them to hash out the schedule, instead of utilizing the court's time. Pettiness was pointed out, and the plan became workable.<P>Best wishes.<P>Laura