Hi.<P>I just got my papers today.<P>We've been seeing a marriage counselor. Turns out that he views the counselor as just a mediator; he wasn't making a real effort -- never intended to.<P>I've asked him to go to Retrouville --- he won't even consider it.<P>He's asking for joint custody of our 3 year old daughter, the house, and for me to pay child support, and court costs. And my understanding is that his attn. is mean, ugly, ruthless, and not liked by the courts.<P>I'll be meeting with an attn. in a couple of days.<P>I never thought it'd come to this. He refuses to see the emotional affair that he's in. He listens only to his friends. He's living with his parents and they didn't even know that he'd filed!<P>I can't believe the lies that are beginning to come out of him. The exagerations. <P>And the pain. I'm still in love with this man. Only he doesn't seem to be the same man that I remember! I don't know what's happened to him! <P>How can he be so selfish and cruel?<BR>How can he do this to our daughter?<BR>Why?<P>I know I've got to get my act together. <BR>I am going to do what I have to do ---- but I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. My love bank is beginning to empty very quickly because of the pain he's causing.<P>Plan B time?<BR>hard to do with a kid<P>Thanks for listening,<BR>~Amy

I'm sorry that you are here. <P>My x also had an EA, possibly a PA. And, he was very cruel and mean in the beginning. I was told that when someone is having an affair they usually do become very cruel and mean to their spouse. If they can make you into the bad person, then they can justify why they are leaving you. Luckily, my x only did that in the very beginning. Once I consented to the divorce, he agreed to everything in the settlement and became Mr. Nice Guy.<P>I hope it all works out for you. Hang in There. I don't know much about Plan A and Plan B. I came to this site too late in the game for that.<P>Good Luck!<P>

out of the fog,<P>Just wanted to offer a little prayer for you in the coming days and months. Know that we are all here for you if you have a question or just need to vent.<P>Be strong.<P>God Bless,<BR>Mike

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by out of the fog:<BR><B>I just got my papers today.<P>He's asking for joint custody of our 3 year old daughter, the house, and for me to pay child support, and court costs. And my understanding is that his attn. is mean, ugly, ruthless, and not liked by the courts.<P>I'll be meeting with an attn. in a couple of days.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Chances are if you ask around you can find one of handful of attorneys in town who are this guy's professional nemeses (never mind that they might be tennis partners when out of court), or an even heavier hitter he can't even hope to stand up against. <P>If the courts don't like your STBX's guy, he's either unprepared, obnoxious, or deceitful to the courts. Bully for your side, as long as you have someone who doesn't shrink from dealing with him.<P>

Amy<P>I'm sorry you are here too. My ex did and said many of the same things.<P>You do have to stand up and protect your rights now, I failed to do that when I was in the middle of it all.<P>Do what will protect your child in the future too.<P>In the middle of an affair, he'll never see it anyhow.<P>Take care of you and work on what you need to make you happy.<P>Good luck, Dana<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sisyphus:<BR><B> Chances are if you ask around you can find one of handful of attorneys in town who are this guy's professional nemeses (never mind that they might be tennis partners when out of court), or an even heavier hitter he can't even hope to stand up against. <P>If the courts don't like your STBX's guy, he's either unprepared, obnoxious, or deceitful to the courts. Bully for your side, as long as you have someone who doesn't shrink from dealing with him.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Fortunately my family does have good connections. That's exactly what we've done. <P>But this isn't going to be cheap. Both attn.s are pretty expensive.<P>I'm getting the impression that his person is prone to over-preparation and exaggeration. The person I've been referred to is apparently pretty big on ethics in the courtroom.<P>I've got to get my counter laid out.<BR>Custody hearing in two weeks.<BR>Divorce mediation.<P>I'm not looking forward to this. This whole thing is not what I want. <P>Right now I'm still at a point that if he'd drop the girl and his friends that are having a bad influence on him, even consider moving, go to Retrouville and take marriage counselling seriously....I'd take him back almost in a heartbeat. Almost.<P>Even that gap is starting to close.<P>~Amy

I too can relate to the pain ..it is hard to see how someone could be so cruel and selfish...especially to someone who is or was suppose to be your best friend..when my wife left she took the kids around the om and he started buying them presents and give her a new car to drive and alot of other stuff i was about to go crazy ..i tried not to give her the satisfaction of seeing the affects of her cruelity on me..and i think that bohtered her more than anything<P> God Bless You<P>------------------<BR>