I know that no one thinks that their spouse would cheat on them, me included. My H was and still is a good man. He had an affair for over a year. He came home to do the "right thing", he still filed for divorce though and wouldn't even consider counciling. Our marriage was good before the affair. I don't understand, why if I can forgive him and am willing to rebuild our marriage, why doesn't he. He thinks that I am probably the best person he has ever met. I believe he transferred the love that he once had for me to this other woman. I want so badly for reconciliation, and am having such a hard time letting go. Will I ever be happy again, it feels like my life is over and I'm 32??A!!

I'm 34 - feeling the same way.<P>Here's my one piece of wisdom on the subject: My stbx had an affair 5 years ago - he came back - we reconciled. But it was at a huge cost for me - I forgave but couldn't forget - became controlling, suspiscious, low self-esteem, gained weight (which is falling off rapidly in the Divorce Depression Diet), etc. All of this while convincing myself I was happy that we got back together and kept the family intact. It came at a huge price for him too because he wasn't able to not feel bad/guilty as long as he was with me. I was the reminder for him of things about himself that he could not respect.<P>Needless to say, those changes in the both of us helped the ultimate demise in our marriage now. We separated and my stbx immediately became involved with someone else - he still tries to convince me this new relationship came after we separated but my baggage won't allow me to believe it. He just wanted so badly to be with someone who he didn't feel judged him. So his affair 5 years ago continues to even haunt our divorce.<P>Maybe your H is doing you a favor to end it now. Not everyone can recover from an Affair and not everyone should.<P>But letting go is hard, especially if you've put a lot of time and effort into saving it. (laporter66@hotmail.com if you need to talk... )<P>------------------<BR>---------<BR>To err is human, to forgive divine.

It's tough to imagine ever being happy again when you've been thrown away by the person you expected to share your life with.<P>As time passes, I feel the pain slowly fading away, and my feelings about her becoming more muted. I am taking this time to learn about myself and to get used to being alone again.<P>Nothing about this makes any sense to me, but I'm learning to accept it and move forward with my life. Small steps to be sure, and I take a step back now and then, but I see a little forward progress every day. The key words in here are patience and time.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again