Came back from my vacation to find out my divorce was final 12/21. In a way I am glad it is over. Now the next hurdle is getting the money and stock certificates that are owed me.<BR>Then on 1/27 my ex will marry his OW and that will be the last big event that I have to deal with that involves him.<BR>I wish I could say that I did everything to try and save the marriage - I would have if my ex would have let me. He just wanted a divorce and did not want to try and save our marriage. I guess I have to console myself that I tried to save our marriage the 12 years that we were together. I did everything I could to keep him happy but I am finally realizing that there was nothing that I could have done that would have prevented this from happening.<BR>My ex loved me but was never really committed to me - I believe that he lacks the emotional character to commit to someone. <BR>I am scared of being alone but this is a fear that I have to face - don't have any desire to rush into a new relationship. Instinctively I know that I have to be ok and happy with myself before I can make any attempt at having another relationship.<BR>My goal is to be indifferent to my ex - he is not someone who I would want as a friend - I expect more of my friends than I ever did of him. I am trying to put all the hurt, rejection and betrayal behind me and concentrate on making the best life I can for myself and my daughter.<BR>Thanks to all your support and feedback. It has meant alot to me.

Barrington,<P>I am sorry that you came home to this news, but you certainly do seem to have a very productive attitude about this.<P>It is clear that you've put a great deal of thought into understanding what happened, and that you aren't taking on unnecessary blame in this.<P>I think your analysis about your xH loving you but not being committed to your marriage is probably correct, and he won't be any more committed to his next marriage either...he just doesn't know that yet.<P>And, I think a lot of us would agree that we'd NEVER accept the kind of behavior our spouses exhibit, and the kind of people our spouses have become, into our world if they were friends, b/c as you said, we expect more from people we choose to be friends with than that.<P>You sound like a very smart, strong woman, and I have no doubt that you will indeed make a wonderful life for you and your daughter.<P>God bless you always,<P>~skye~<BR>

Hi Barrington,<P>I'm sorry for you that it's over, but you did all you could. I hope it can be enough to say you did your best. That's what I keep telling myself.<P>I understand the part about being alone. I'm slowly getting used to it. I just keep telling myself that there's nothing wrong with staying home and reading a book by myself . (I just wish it wasn't every night )<P>As with everything else, it takes patience and time. Deep wounds heal slowly.<P>Take care...<p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited January 05, 2001).]

Barrington,<P>I too am sorry for all the pain you've suffered.<P>In time...<BR>...all will be much better...<P>...in the mean time...<BR>...<B>you are loved</B>!!!<P> <P>Jim

Hi Barrington,<P>I'm sorry.<P>Isn't it awful saying those words the first time "I'm divorced"......<P>It had a sense of un-reality (is that a word) about it the first time I said it. I haven't actually been asked the question by anyone who doesn't know me, but I'm dreading it. It's the 'year of first's' thing again.<P>You sound ok, and you WILL be ok. But be prepared for the rollercoaster yet again. My divorce went to court Dec 5th 2000, and will be final Jan 7th 2001. In about 2 days time..... I'm ok with it, but I have my days.<P>Keep taking care of you and your d, and keep focussing on that wonderful future you will have.<P>big hugs for you<P>Jo<BR>

Barrington, My divorce is finale today so I understand where you are at. I willsay a pray for you!

Barrington and Hurting in Omaha..<P>I will think of the two of you today...it is the hardest thing we may ever go through. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Barrington}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You're in my thougthts and prayers all day today. You are doing a great job, and we are all so proud of you here. You have added so much to our group here, and well, it's done.<P>As I learned even yesterday, we will all get through this together. It is scary to be alone, but it is also great to get to know yourself and get to know your real friends.<P>Love ya!<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

(((((((((((Barrington))))))))))))<P>I know I got my papers one day in early February saying I had been divorced since December 21. I survived the trip to court so it was not too big a crisis to see the papers.<P>It's still not my favorite thing to admit that I am divorced but there are worse crises. Do you remember when your parents thought it was scandalous for a woman to be a divorcee? I thought about that the other day. Can't get it off my mind? I wonder what it means. <P>

(((((barrington)))))<BR>the way you described how you felt about the marriage ending is just what I felt about it. You can only try so hard and its just not enough when the other person could care less.<P>being alone can be scary but then it becomes enpowering and you develop the self confidence and courage that you didn't even realize you were missing!<P>You'll be ok, and we'll be here to support you.<P>I think my ex is marrying his OW in March . He told me they are going to Las Vegas for 11 days. WHo goes there for THAT long,and where's the money coming from! I only get $33 a week per child for support! I thought he was broke!!!<P>Hang in there, you've almost gotten thru the worst of it all.<P>Dana<BR>