I know I need to stop asking why. My H betrayed me and gave into lust. I get angry sometimes, but I also still think he is a good man, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I'm jealous of this OW, and the love he has for her. He came back home to do the right thing, but all he could think about was the OW & her little boy. My H says, sometimes people are better off with other people. What does that mean, I feel it is just a cop out. This OW used my H's compassion. She had an affair prior to the one w/my H, He ended up leaving his wife and children, OW got pregnant with his child, he went back to his ex-wife, wanted to come back to OW, in comes my H. This OW has 2 failed marriages, has broken up 2 families, yet why does my STBX want her so? Our marriage was good, I was good to him, took care of myself, our home, and him. Why am I not worthy of his love??????? I wish I didn't love him so, It would be so much easier. Am I stupid for not saying, to hell with you, I deserve better. This OW feels that my STBX abandoned her & her little boy when he came home to me and is now giving him a hard time and not letting him back in. He doesn't even realize that he abandoned me, and the aweful pain that I am in. Where is his compassion for me? Tell me if I sound pathetic. But please be gentle!!

OW is selfish and evil. STBXH is weak and foolish. You are simply in need of no more than anyone can ask for: a whole and healthy marriage. Whatever is in your collective past that he thinks "justifies" him in pursuing this course, he's still in the wrong. His worry about her and her little boy is misplaced. As a serial OW, she has an attitude that is poison to the marriage of any man with whom she comes in contact.<P>I don't think the OW & PA were mentioned in the prior posts (but perhaps we should have guessed). You need to look at what Plan A and Plan B mean, and if you have been doing the former, it may be time to switch to the latter (although I doubt you could do a good Plan A without knowing what one is).<P>I don't think anyone should be expected to sleep with someone who is sleeping with other people (unless that was the deal at the outset--and even then, that's something one partner ought to be able to call a halt to at any time). It's dangerous to you and him. OW doesn't seem to be real selective, now, does she? Who else is she sleeping with?<P>You need more help than you can find on these boards right now. Please go get it.

You're not pathetic - you're just trying to make sense of the thing called "the fog." And, as I have learned, you can't really make the fog clear. It's like a tunnel vision effect on the WS - and that tunnel is aimed only toward the object of their current affection. They cannot acknowledge the affects their behavior has on the casualties around (their spouse/children, etc.) them because they can't even see them. Just OW and WS needs matter.<P>Yes, you are worthy, and yes, somewhere in the recesses of his mind are those emotions for you that you believed existed...but the fog is like a toxic drug and they can't think about anything else while in its grip. The sad thing is, the fog sometimes lifts too late to do anything about the marriage - too much hurt, too many lies, too much cruelty, too much time for the BS to hold on to hope.<P>Why do they do it? The fog. <P>Can you save them from themselves? Nope. They have to hit rock bottom and dig themselves out.<P>What can you learn from it? Take a page out of their own book and focus on yourself exclusively for a change. Do what you need to in order to make yourself feel better and decide what you want out of your life.<P>(((((Rejected)))))))<P>PS - it's so much easier to give out this advice than to live it yourself...I've been pathetically whining about my own situation on the board all week <P>------------------<BR>---------<BR>To err is human, to forgive divine.