Recent posts have made me wonder as posts overlap and curosity took over.<P>I did the dumping of a 5 year marriage 10 year relationship. First time married.

Dumpee - 15 year marriage, 1 recovery from his A at year 10. No recovery from his current affliction.

My x had an affair, when he wouldn't end it, I did a Plan B. We divorced about 1 yr ago.<P>------------------<BR>Susan

My wife dumped me last July after 12 years of marriage. No warning, no discussion, no explanation. She completely cut off all communication with me. She filed for divorce in September, and thus far has ignored even my attempts to negotiate a settlement.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by GnomeDePlume (edited January 05, 2001).]

Dumpee.<P>Aug 4th 2000 -"I'm not in love with you"<BR>Sep 9th 2000 - moved into an apartment<BR>Oct 8th 2000 - said it's over & she didn't want to try anymore.<P>I still wake up sometimes and can't believe it.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again<p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited January 06, 2001).]

That's a tough one in our case:<P>I left him in 1998 because I got tired of his meaness. It was a bluff--I loved him but I wanted him to change.<P>He didn't think I was bluffing. He left me in 1999 for Miss Kitty but asked me to come back.<P>I found out about Miss Kitty and left again. I wished for a long time that I was back.

Dumpee. Together 15 years, married 12, first marriage for me and second for him.<P>My stbxH left in Feb. and had an affair which I didn't discover. He came back home in June "because the kids deserve a father", but we lived on separate floors of the house. By August, I thought things were doing better, but there was still little or no sex--he said because of E.D. and I believed him. On Oct. 24th he said it was over and he was still with the OW! Now we're fighting over who will file, because he says "You always make me be the bad guy!" Well, duh! <P>Oh well, he's gone, he wants her, and I'm moving on! Yeah for me!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I am the dumpee after 17 yr marriage, 20 yr relationship, 2 children, several of his EAs which I only realized after I got the big news.<BR>

Dumpee.<P>Married 2/4/89<BR>Her EA (not known to be PA) ... about a year later. I didn't know it for what it was.<P>late 9/99 or early 10/99 - argument where I gave my version of why I "hadn't pushed my business" harder. She's stone *cold* after that despite all my efforts. I do my best to carry on for a while. Things deteriorate.<P>early 2000 - we decide to sell the house; I'm more or less resigned to the divorce but still working on ideas to save marriage ... in and out of bedroom (not that there's any sex), but mostly out ... occasionally churlishly occupy it and she either sleeps in guest bedroom (allegedly bad for her arthritis), or even decamps for several days to her brother's (gee, maybe I should have changed locks--didn't have the guts)<P>mid-April 2000 - we attend intensive 4-day Gottman seminar/therapy in Seattle. Good progress, but it turns out there's no one to carry it forward once back in our hometown ... she refuses to cooperate in selection of counselor, so there ultimately isn't one<P>May 2000 - I don't have an exact date, but she files for divorce. One night we agree to eat together at a Japanese restaurant on the condition that she *not* bring up who gets to sleep in master BR. I pay for cokes and leave when she breaks word right away. When she gets in the car with me, I take her for an aimless 2 hour highway cruise where I harangue her mercilessly for her and her brother's and her parents' part in the breakup. I also yank both car coil wires when we get home, and continue. She tries to leave and can't, we keep communicating. I show her how it's done so that no one can do it to her in the future, we laugh about it, we fall asleep watching sitcoms in bed together cuddling. Wake up same way. Later that day, she says I "scared" her and nothing has changed.<P>I work out property settlement with her and her attorney. I drive a pretty hard bargain.<P>mid-June 2000 - we both move out. I move into a condo downtown, she goes to her brother's.<P>July 19 - divorce is final.<P>Aug - Sep 2000 - she moves to Europe, moves back. <p>[This message has been edited by Sisyphus (edited January 05, 2001).]

dumpee, I think...<P>11 year marriage, first for both.<P>June, 2000 - "not in love with you" speech<BR>July, 2000 - start seeing signs of her affair<BR>August, 2000 - find irrefutable proof of her affair and confront her<BR>September - November, 2000 - we are "working" on our marriage<BR>November, 2000 - find evidence of affair continuing<BR>December, 2000 - get the "divorce is the only answer" speech<BR>January, 2001 - still waiting for the other shoe to drop...<P>Reason I said that I am the "dumpee, I think" is that she hasn't done anything about the divorce yet, and eventually I may have to, given the stupidity of the current situation...Would that make me the dumper?<P>AGG<p>[This message has been edited by AGoodGuy (edited January 05, 2001).]

Originally I was the dumpee. I had no clue an affair was going on.<P>In August, I had the opportunity to take him back and I said no thank you. It was a hard decision, yet there was no other choice. <P>

Discovered w's affair in May 99, she moves out July 99, bunch of reconciliation attempts in there, none which lasted more than a week,one lasted about 5 hrs, she started divorce papers in Aug 99 but we put them on hold on last reconciliation attempt, but when I found out on my birthday that she was back with om, I made appointment with lawyer to get papers restarted. <P>Divorce was final 2-1-00.

dumpee<BR>10year relationship<BR>first time out<BR>1 child<BR>tried reconcialtion MANY times<BR>realized through our reconcialtion he treated me even worse than in our marriage, and he was with someone else the entire time.<P>So it wasn't really a REAL reconcilation attempt now was it?

Dumpee- after X having 2 affairs in less than a year I went to plan B and filed for D. It was final on Dec 11. He is now getting married to OW this will be a third marriage for each of them.<P>JIll <P>------------------<BR>live for today for there may not be a tomorrow

Dumpee<BR>1/10/00 Ex moves to Colorado for a new job. D and I are supposed to join him 6/00<BR>3/17/00 After many weird e-mails and a weekend where he was not available I confront him. He confirms affair but says it was not someone from work. Met OW on an airplane - OW lived on the east coast<BR>6/17/00 I file for divorce<BR>8/31/00 D meets OW and had already met her - met on company ski trip. East Coast woman was all a fabrication and a lie. OW is someone from his work<BR>12/21/00 divorced<BR>1/27/01 Ex and OW marry<BR>1/1/01 I go on with my life - better off without him

Dumped.<P>1/20/00 wife with gf to FL for 4 days; comes back making no eye contact<P>3/8/00 wife tells me she's been in therapy for 5 months; invites me for marriage therapy<P>3/22/00 tells me she's not "in love" with me<P>5/28/00 announces "it's over".<P>6/21/00 uncover her year + long affair with her HS crush (they're both 42; we were married 12 years, 15 yr relationship). She was with OM in FL in 1/00.<P>6/30/00 (my 40th b-day) served with D papers<P>9/8/00 judge allows her move out of state with our stb 5 yo daughter<P>1/5/01 layed off from my job<P>Thought 2001 was going to be better! I have met a wonderful woman who also has a child same age as my D. I suspect W and OM are into drugs.<P>Jay<p>[This message has been edited by catamount82 (edited January 06, 2001).]

Those time lines are creepy. Sometimes I look at dates on receipts, papers, or canceled checks to see if it was "post or pre-separation."<P>3/10 told me he would never leave me no matter what at a romantic evening at the beach<BR>5/24 he moved out<BR>5/25 begged to come back (I let him)<BR>6/20 he wanted D<BR>6/20 changed his mind<BR>6/21 wanted separation; moved in with friends<BR>6/22 wanted counseling<BR>6/30 got apartment; we started dating each other<BR>8/22 wanted to reconcile<BR>9/22 wanted D<BR>10/15 I filed; he couldn't figure out the papers<BR>11/29 final<P>Whew. It's been fun.

Dumpee. Lived together since 5/90, married 7/25/92, 2 kids (13 yo mine from previous marriage that he adopted, and a 9yo).<BR>3/98 he files for divorce out of the blue<BR>4/98 stops D<BR>7/24/00 up and says he isn't in love with me, will give me anything to let him go<BR>8/1/00 moves into a room<BR>through 10/00 he's over almost everyday, kisses me goodbye, gives hugs, says being a nice guy, taking things slow and he's showing me he's now out to screw me over.<BR>10/00 attorney I talkd to sets me up to respond to divorce even though I don't want it<BR>12/00 Still trying to work on marriage, realizing it is lost cause<BR>1/01 It finally gets through my head and heart that my STBX was not a nice guy and that we are better off without him, switched form collaborative process and am in with a trial attorney now.<P>Waiting to see how it all comes out in the wash.<BR>

Dumpee <P>Married - May 4, 1973 (27+ years)<BR>2 Children<P>Labor Day Wknd - 1999 W announces she has been havng an affair and leaves with OM<P>3 weeks later reluctantly returns to home - OM ends affair and returns to his family.<P>We live together/separately under same roof until July 2000.<P>8/28/00 She cleans out house with assistance of three BIL's<P>2 weeks later I find her in new apartment<P>Aug 2000 - Her lawyer sends threatening letter initiating divorce<P>September 2000, I return conditional acceptance of divorce proposal<P>Have not heard one word from W or her lawyer since!<P><BR>[This message has been edited by TrueNorth (edited January 07, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by TrueNorth (edited January 07, 2001).]